Who says John Mayer can't be a D-word?
Well, now we know why Jennifer Aniston couldn't make it work with John Mayer. According to his new song "Who Says," he wanted to "get stoned and plan trips to Japan alone." Further, he'd like to go out clubbing past his curfew and -- if he feels like it -- frolic in a private pool at 4 a.m. with bra-clad models. And he doesn't need some overbearing nanny of a girlfriend forcing him into monkey suits for red carpet events.
Or maybe the real reason is that he's an utter dillweed. A dillweed who describes the video for "Who Says," as giving us a peek at his "real" life -- real life apparently meaning a never-ending party set amidst an urban Disneyland backdrop. The video, Mayer told Popeater, was meant to give fans a sense of accessibility to his life: "I want people to watch the video and feel like they hung out with me for a night."
Nice try. I've no doubt that Mayer throws his money and his good-time ethic around Manhattan, getting stoned at will. But, umm, where's the computer? Because I watched the video a few times and not once did I see Mayer anywhere near a keyboard or SMS-capable device -- the sort of thing that would enable his 24-hour-a-day Twitter habit.
Here's what I picture as a bit closer to the truth: John Mayer in a "Big"-like apartment, a fridge stocked with pizza and beer, best guy friends following him around like sycophants and -- at the center -- a nice laptop permanently queued up to receive Twitter witticisms. Oh, and somewhere in the corner, your own John Mayer "Wonderland"-themed pinball machine.
Am I wrong?
By
Liz
|
October 20, 2009; 11:30 AM ET
Categories:
Celebrities
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Jon Mayer is just a jerk. That is not his real life. It is what he wishes his life was. I see hs life like this: meticously arranged apartment done by some hired designer, very sterile, he comes home alone after a concert or a day at the studio, sits at the computer, dials up porn, while lying on twitter about what he is really doing.
Posted by: epjd | October 20, 2009 12:13 PM | Report abuse
Maybe the difference between Mayer's reality and fantasy is that in the fantasy the models were not wearing bras.
D(ill)W(ee)d indeed.
Posted by: reddragon1 | October 20, 2009 12:22 PM | Report abuse
I'm not buying it either. If I hung out with John Mayer for a night, I'd smell like a mix of b.o, stale beer and overly healthy self-esteem.
Posted by: td_in_baltimore | October 20, 2009 12:31 PM | Report abuse
Of course John Mayer is a dillweed. He's full of dill. how else do you think he cures that pickle that is permanently embedded in his butt?
Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 20, 2009 1:00 PM | Report abuse
which would definitely cut down your chances with penelope cruz, td. I was counting on you to follow her for me, but I was surprised to learn that she has a cameo in SATC2, as does Miley Cyrus. too bad.
Posted by: reddragon1 | October 20, 2009 1:03 PM | Report abuse
Annnnd we have a Comment of the Week winner already!
Of course John Mayer is a dillweed. He's full of dill. how else do you think he cures that pickle that is permanently embedded in his butt?
Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot
Posted by: wadejg | October 20, 2009 1:23 PM | Report abuse
I had a totally different take on the song and video -- he sounds like he put a high priority on doing his own thing for years (getting high, going on spontaneous trips, turning off the phone so no one can reach him), but now regrets it. He's exhausted by the single life ("It's been a long time since 22"), and poseur friends who expect him to pick up the check.
Who says he can't get stoned? No one, because no one really cares what the hell he's doing. I mean, poor little rock star who no one loves, but I don't think the song is really about how awesome he is. And I imagine he updates his Twitter feed via the magic of iPhone or a similar device, like everyone else in the world, rather than hauling a laptop around everywhere.
Also, "D-word" is prudish. If you're going to insult someone, commit to using the profanity instead of just hinting at it, or use another word to get your point across.
Posted by: Clare116 | October 20, 2009 1:28 PM | Report abuse
Clare - I'm with you except for the profanity criticism. Liz has to walk a fine line with profanity since it's not an independent blog but part of the Post.
Otherwise, I like your take on it.
Posted by: Roxie1 | October 20, 2009 1:39 PM | Report abuse
reddragon1, all these SATC 2 cameos (Tim Gunn, too) reeks -- did I say "reeks?" cf. SATC 1 -- of desperation. Then again, a Penelope Cruz cameo would be the only incentive I'd even have to consider seeing the new movie.
What were we talking about? Oh, John Mayer. He just makes me want to run the walls of my high school and scream at the top of my lungs. And not in a good way.
Posted by: td_in_baltimore | October 20, 2009 1:45 PM | Report abuse
Liz, you are being too generous with that Big analogy which makes me think of a man with an innocent little boy's heart. I would bet you are right, however, he's just a big-talking fraud of a guy.
Hey jerk, one can be a ladies man and still be classy (Clooney anyone?).
Posted by: hodie | October 20, 2009 1:45 PM | Report abuse
Liz, the dillweed growing in my garden is insulted that you would liken it to Jon Mayer.
Posted by: Nosy_Parker | October 20, 2009 1:57 PM | Report abuse
Also, "D-word" is prudish. If you're going to insult someone, commit to using the profanity instead of just hinting at it, or use another word to get your point across.
Posted by: Clare116
------------------------------------------
Clare, in keeping with his personality, Mr. Mayer refuses to be on a first name basis with Liz. I believe that in one of his tweets, he demanded to be called "Richard Weed."
Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | October 20, 2009 1:59 PM | Report abuse
Roxie1 -- Of the two options (use the word completely or find another one), I'd prefer the latter. Call him a jerk, a crybaby, a loser. But not a "d-word." It's like watching Goodfellas on basic cable, with all the bleeping -- it distracts from the point of the scene (or in this case, headline). Either embrace the profanity because you want to sound hip or write around it because WP has standards, but getting cute about it is lame.
However, per Sasquatchbigfoot's comment, it appears that Mr. Mayer and Ms. Kelly have some sort of history I wasn't aware of, so perhaps I'm just not in on the joke.
Posted by: Clare116 | October 20, 2009 2:41 PM | Report abuse
What a Richard this guy is. Does he know that Kate Gosselin is available?
Posted by: sarahbonnie1 | October 20, 2009 3:59 PM | Report abuse
At the risk of exposing myself as being desperately behind What's New ("this wedding dance, it's REALLY funny guys!")have you guys see the video Mayer made on Funny or Die? It's +3 minutes of Mayer making fun of himself as a tool with no artistic talent, and it's pretty funny. I tend to agree with the general assessment of Richard Weed's character, and finding the video amusing made me all conflicted.
Posted by: ishkabibbleA | October 20, 2009 4:09 PM | Report abuse
Can't we send him and Balloon Boy's Dad to live on the other island?
Posted by: dablues1 | October 20, 2009 4:25 PM | Report abuse
Can't we send him and Balloon Boy's Dad to live on the other island?
Posted by: dablues1 | October 20, 2009 4:25 PM
Balloon Boy Dad can even arrange transportation! We'll get security to make sure they're in the basket first, though.
Posted by: northgs | October 21, 2009 9:19 AM | Report abuse
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