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Posted at 8:22 AM ET, 11/ 3/2009

Rihanna speaks out about abuse; Kate Gosselin popped for speeding

By Liz Kelly
Tuesday

Headlines: Rihanna speaks out about assault in ABC interview... Vibe magazine to relaunch with Chris Brown cover... Winona Ryder says Winona Ryder says she fought for Angelina Jolie to get "Girl, Interrupted" part... Jessica Simpson calls "Melrose Place" (which is dumping her sister) "crap"... Gisele Bundchen passes written pilot test... Jeremy Piven claims soy milk gave him breasts... Mary Stuart Masterson gave birth to son in October.

Crime Watch: Kate Gosselin gets speeding ticket... Alleged Ryan Seacrest stalker a special forces-trained soldier.

Pix: Kristen Stewart glams up for magazine shoot... Robert Pattinson on new Vanity Fair cover.

Video: Jake Gyllenhaal's "Prince of Persia" trailer debuts:


Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

More: Kate Gosselin "not proud" of how she treated Jon.

Rumor Mill: Gerard Butler spotted snogging with Lindsay Lohan?... Did Jon Gosselin fabricate Hailey Glassman's abuse claims?... Mariah Carey and Rihanna refuse to talk at Halloween bash... Andre Agassi admits in new book that his flowing mullet was a hairpiece.

Say What?
"She's a beautiful girl but she looks 100 years old." -- Michael Lohan on daughter Lindsay, who he vows to save from the clutches of addiction.

By Liz Kelly  | November 3, 2009; 8:22 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Kate Gosselin: Addicted to fame, but not exploiting her kids?

Comments

JSimp calls "Melrose Place" "crap": Them's fightin' words from the star of such films as "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and "Major Movie Star."


"Gisele Bundchen passes written pilot test": I'm pretty sure that's how the Luftwaffe got started back in the '30s.


"Jeremy Piven claims soy milk gave him breasts." And now he stays in his room and drinks it by the gallon?


"Gerard Butler spotted snogging with Lindsay Lohan?" Thereby setting the bar lower for jokes about what Scotsmen will have sex with.


"Mariah Carey and Rihanna refuse to talk at Halloween bash." Proofreading note, Liz Kelly: you shouldn't use "Rihanna" and "bash" in the same sentence.


Andre Agassi's mullet was a hairpiece: hence the new website, "The Hairstyles Of Meth."

Posted by: byoolin1 | November 3, 2009 8:52 AM | Report abuse

First the sushi gave him mercury poisoning, now the soy milk is giving him breasts. Jeremy Piven should just stop eating. It's done wonders for Kiera Knightley.

Of all the hairstyles to get a wig for, Agassi chose a MULLET????

Posted by: epjd | November 3, 2009 8:59 AM | Report abuse

You know, I used to like Jeremy Piven. Now...not so much.

Posted by: StuckatWork | November 3, 2009 9:20 AM | Report abuse

"Jessica Simpson calls 'Melrose Place' (which is dumping her sister) 'crap'" -- Well, when you get an Oscar for "Employee of the Month," I guess a little ol' TV show remake does pale by comparison.

"Jeremy Piven claims soy milk gave him breasts" -- Cow's milk, on the other hand, made him bald, short and clueless. And don't even get him started on what happens when you wash down sushi with goat's milk.

"Kate Gosselin gets speeding ticket" -- I want a front row seat at that court date just to hear her complain about how the boys were distracting her from the back seat even though the girls were behaving perfectly and honestly, your honor....

"Kate Gosselin 'not proud' of how she treated Jon" -- In retrospect, she realizes that she should've been even harder on him.

"Gerard Butler spotted snogging with Lindsay Lohan" who "looks 100 years old." -- Does this make him the Ashton to her Demi? The Mark Harris to her Martha Raye? The Larry Fortensky to her Elizabeth Taylor?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 3, 2009 9:22 AM | Report abuse

"My goal in all this is I just want peace for my kids" - as she once again trots her crying act out to TLC for a special hour of 'It's all about kate'. Shrew.

Also - i want to give some encouragement to Jessica - seeing Melrose as crap is but a first step on her road to finding an intellectual man. Baby steps...

Posted by: quintiliusvarus | November 3, 2009 9:27 AM | Report abuse

Oh personal to Dorkus,

Did the Halloween costume help you land a ScarJo lookalike or a Lindsay Lohan?

Also, loved the pie recipe. I do like a man who cooks (because god knows I don't.).

Didn't post this yesterday because I was in trial all day.

Posted by: epjd | November 3, 2009 9:29 AM | Report abuse

You know ep, my Halloween was all out of whack this year. First the Longhorns were playing OSU at night so most of my attention was on the game. And second I had the Race for the Cure at 7:30 the next morning which pretty much meant that I was not going to get into any shenanigans. So I made it an early (and dry) evening. But many people have said how much they loved the costume. And yes that pumpkin pie recipe goes a long way towards making me look much more attractive to the opposite sex.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 3, 2009 9:40 AM | Report abuse

Andre Agassi admits his mullet was a hairpiece. Further proving that bald and proud trumps follically challenged and desperate every time.

Posted by: northgs | November 3, 2009 9:46 AM | Report abuse

Andre Agassi admits in new book that his flowing mullet was a hairpiece.
-And remember this was before he started doing meth.


Should someone who's last two movie went straight to dvd really be one to judge what is and isn't crap?

Ok, granted Jessica Simpson did work with DaneCook, so maybe she has more experience working with crap.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 3, 2009 9:57 AM | Report abuse

Jeremy Piven, let me introduce you to a new concept. MODERATION. Look it up.

Anyone else think that picture of Kate Gosselin looks as though she had her tongue pierced?

I just don't get what is hot about Robert Pattinson.

Michael Lohan, if you want to help your daughter, start by keeping your mouth shut, even when, especially when, you are right.

Hate that term "snogging" with an extra "Ick, Nast" when in conjuction with the words Gerard and Lilo. At least it wasn't "dogging". (Leave it to the Brits to come up with such terms).

Posted by: hodie | November 3, 2009 10:02 AM | Report abuse

Despite my better judgment, I just watched the "Prince of Persia" trailer. Some may see a great / hot / whatever actor in an exciting epic; I'm seeing a lot of post-production and k.d. lang with longish hair and a beard. Not feeling this one.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 3, 2009 10:12 AM | Report abuse

"Winona Ryder says Winona Ryder says she fought for Angelina Jolie to get "Girl, Interrupted" part."

Angelina Jolie says Angelina Jolie says thank you.

MStreet says MStreet says talking in the third person is fun.

Posted by: MStreet1 | November 3, 2009 10:29 AM | Report abuse

TD, was Jake sporting one of Andre Agassi's flowing mulletts?


"I still wake up every day, and I think the phone will ring and it'll be the old Jon," [Kate Gosslin] explained.
- You know, if Jeremy Pivin would go back on his fish and soy milk diet...perhaps he'd be an acceptable substitute.

"Alleged Ryan Seacrest stalker a special forces-trained soldier."
- That's it. The terrorists have won.

Posted by: mdreader01 | November 3, 2009 10:44 AM | Report abuse

Despite my better judgment, I just watched the "Prince of Persia" trailer. Some may see a great / hot / whatever actor in an exciting epic; I'm seeing a lot of post-production and k.d. lang with longish hair and a beard. Not feeling this one.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | November 3, 2009 10:12 AM

Love the description of the lead actor! I just had a look, and of course there's a lot of post - it's a Jerry Bruckheimer flick. What I'm seeing, with the sound turned down, is what Lord of the Rings might have been if it was shot in one act and if Middle Earth was in the the Middle East instead of New Zealand.

Posted by: northgs | November 3, 2009 11:08 AM | Report abuse

Oh, BTW, that's not to put PoP in anything like the same category as LoTR.

Posted by: northgs | November 3, 2009 11:09 AM | Report abuse

"Prince of Persia" is guaranteed to be a howler.

I cringe to acknowledge that I agree with Lilo's dad on this one. Now I'm having my own personal "ick nast" moment.

How I wish I could have witnessed Mariah Carey and Rihanna avoiding each other! You don't get awesomeness like this every day!

Posted by: jaybbub | November 3, 2009 11:33 AM | Report abuse

Liz writes:
Jessica Simpson calls "Melrose Place" (which is dumping her sister) "crap"...

"crap" "dump" ....????Liz, are you insinuating something about the quality of Melrose Place, the quality of Ashlee Simpson's acting, the quality of Jessica Simpson's intelligence, or are you saying they're not Scottish?

-------------------------------------------

Speaking of Scottish, Byoolin writes:

"Gerard Butler spotted snogging with Lindsay Lohan?" Thereby setting the bar lower for jokes about what Scotsmen will have sex with.

Byoo', if a Scotsman can't find a place the serves haggis, he'll find the next best thing: a place that serves a hag.
-------------------------------------------

One word of advice for Jeremy Piven:

BRO!!!!

------------------------------------------
Kate Gosselin gets speeding ticket....

Beach Boys plan to release a song about Kate and her zoom-zoom driving: "The Nasty Little Beyotch from Wyomissing"

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 3, 2009 12:05 PM | Report abuse

I just had to read that Mariah/Rihanna piece for the laughs. Ah, the joys of two overindulged brats in the middle-school cafeteria ...

Posted by: Californian11 | November 3, 2009 12:19 PM | Report abuse

The only thing left for Jeremy Piven now is to take up fasting.

Either that, or perhaps a dinner invitation at Elton John's house.

Posted by: mdreader01 | November 3, 2009 12:39 PM | Report abuse

Andre Agassi admits to fake mullet:

Who's next? Michael Bolton?

Posted by: Roxie1 | November 3, 2009 1:31 PM | Report abuse

From Byoolin1:

"Gerard Butler spotted snogging with Lindsay Lohan?" Thereby setting the bar lower for jokes about what Scotsmen will have sex with.

Americans?

Posted by: JoeBlow991 | November 3, 2009 1:36 PM | Report abuse

From Byoolin1:

"Gerard Butler spotted snogging with Lindsay Lohan?" Thereby setting the bar lower for jokes about what Scotsmen will have sex with.

Americans?

Posted by: JoeBlow991

****

Apparently I have even more levels of subtext than I'd imagined.

Posted by: byoolin1 | November 3, 2009 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Proof that you can have your brioche and eat it, too:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/picturesoftheday/6492809/Pictures-of-the-day-3-November-2009.html

You're welcome, Dorkus-Byoo-reddragon-yellojkt-...

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 3, 2009 2:33 PM | Report abuse

Why do I feel the need for a sticky bun all of a sudden?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | November 3, 2009 2:41 PM | Report abuse

Liz, my brain initially read the headline as "Kate Gosselin STOPPED for speeding" but now I see it actually says "POPPED" for speeding. Don't we wish.

Posted by: hodie | November 3, 2009 2:54 PM | Report abuse

Please, Dorkus, this is a family newspaper! (And if you can make Key Lime Pie, I'm yours body and soul.)

So Vibe magazine is now overtly aiming for the girlfriend-beating demographic?

Given the sourpuss on that Rihanna, that must have been one scary tiger costume. If I were Mariah, I'd have stayed far away, too.


-The Poster Formerly Known as Snarky Squirrel

Posted by: 7900rmc | November 3, 2009 2:54 PM | Report abuse

Why do I feel the need for a sticky bun all of a sudden?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 |

---------------------------------------------
Are you glad that they didn't frost Jeremy Piven's moobs?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 3, 2009 2:57 PM | Report abuse

Why do I feel the need for a sticky bun all of a sudden?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 |

----------------------------------------
What will you need tomorrow? One of these?
http://www.tacobell.com/blackjacktaco/

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | November 3, 2009 3:02 PM | Report abuse

byoolin's comment re: Gerard Butler reminds me of a joke....

wish i could repeat it here....

Posted by: dablues1 | November 3, 2009 3:12 PM | Report abuse

Can't watch the PoP video at work (damn you, Flash plugins!!), but if I really feel an urge for adventure, I'll go back and play the video game it's based on. Prince of Persia: Sands of Time was a great wall-jumping time-shifting zombie-smacking game with just enough plot to keep you going. I don't have high hopes for how it'll translate.

Also: Nice BKD going on in today's main post! Who else wants popcorn?

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | November 3, 2009 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Also also: dablues, are you thinking of the joke that ends "Hey, McCloud, get off of my ewe"?

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | November 3, 2009 3:20 PM | Report abuse

What I'm seeing, with the sound turned down, is what Lord of the Rings might have been if it was shot in one act and if Middle Earth was in the the Middle East instead of New Zealand.

Posted by: northgs
==========================
If LOTR were set in the Middle East...
hmmm....

Gollum bites off Frodo's finger, swallows ring, falls into the fire, the ring is unmade and Sauran dies.

Sarumon escapes captivity and attempts to capture the shire by launching a series of suicide bomber attacks. The hobbits respond by building a wall around the part he captured and giving financial incentives to individual hobbits to set up settlements in the disputed territory.

But Ornthac just discovered they have tremendous oil reserves. Sarumon becomes distracted...his followers left to try and hold the territory they gained against the hobbit settlers.

In the sequel, Hillary Clinton is airlifted in to attempt to bring all parties to an acceptable agreement. On her way to meet with the hobbit leader, her foot kicks over a rock and reveals a ring underneath. She bends down to take a closer look....

Posted by: mdreader01 | November 3, 2009 3:31 PM | Report abuse

If LOTR were set in the Middle East...
hmmm....

Posted by: mdreader01 | November 3, 2009 3:31 PM

MD, if LOTR were set in the Middle East, some things that should not have been forgotten, darn well never would have been. And there wouldn't have been any irritating walking trees, either. Or any trees of any kind, really...

Posted by: northgs | November 3, 2009 5:27 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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