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Posted at 8:08 AM ET, 12/24/2009

Brittany Murphy funeral set for today; Amy Winehouse charged with assault

By Liz Kelly

Headlines: Brittany Murphy to be buried today after private funeral; father plans to skip service... Footage from Murphy's final movie released onlne... DVD rental company recalls Murphy posters... Angelina Jolie says fidelity not an essential relationship ingredient... Tila Tequila retracts pregnancy tweet, blames Twitter character limit for confusion... Cher to auction Hawaii home... British court blocks Boy George's reality TV bid... Morgan Freeman buys private jet... Roman Polanski sues French mags for publishing pix of him under house arrest... Johnny Knoxville and girlfriend welcome baby boy.

Video: Ricky Gervais serenades Elmo...

Crime Watch: Amy Winehouse charged with assault... Balloon Boy dad gets 90 days in jail.

Rumor Mill: Mary J. Blige punches husband in the face at record release party... Jennifer Hudson not pregnant again, says rep... Kate Gosselin dumped from talk show pilot... Britney Spears upset about conservatorship extension... Natalie Portman not dating Chris Hemsworth... Tiger Woods's yacht still docked, say eyewitnesses... Did domestic violence lead to Courtney Love's losing custody of daughter?


Barring breaking news, Celebritology will be taking a break through the New Year. I'll be back bright and early on Monday, Jan. 4, 2010. Happy Holidays to all!

By Liz Kelly  | December 24, 2009; 8:08 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Celeb splits: Why we take them to heart


Brittany Murphy's father plans to skip her funeral: in typical man fashion, he's still got Xmas gifts to buy.

"Angelina Jolie says fidelity not an essential relationship ingredient." But why did she look at me when she said it?

Did Tila Tequila just use Twitter as some kind of morning-after pill?

"Cher to auction Hawaii home." But if she could turn back time, and an advancing lava field...

Congrats to Johnny Knoxville and girlfriend on the arrival of little Jackass Jr.

"Balloon Boy dad gets 90 days in jail." I have to admit that I'd hoped the judge would send him up, up, and away.

"Mary J. Blige punches husband in the face at record release party." Or, as a cowboy would say, "He's mucho Bliged."

"Jennifer Hudson not pregnant again, says rep." Was it the Twitter for her, too?

Don't you worry about Kate Gosselin being out of work for too long: somewhere a skyscraper needs a gargoyle.

"Tiger Woods's yacht still docked" sounds like a euphemism, doesn't it?

Posted by: byoolin1 | December 24, 2009 8:40 AM | Report abuse

How adorable is Ricky Gervais. He's kind of the foil to Mary J. Blige today.

Posted by: sarahabc | December 24, 2009 8:55 AM | Report abuse

"Angelina Jolie says fidelity not an essential relationship ingredient" -- Brad has taught her so much, hasn't he? Oh, and TMZ had better staff up for when those kids of theirs hit dating age.

"Cher to auction Hawaii home" -- She's always had lots of potential buyers. Every night all the men would come around and lay the money down.

"Roman Polanski sues French mags for publishing pix of him under house arrest" -- He was hoping they'd publish that naked photo of him and Sharon.

"Balloon Boy dad gets 90 days in jail." -- With that nickname, wouldn't it be ironic if one day that man needs an angioplasty?

"Kate Gosselin dumped from talk show pilot" -- You had me at "dumped."

"Britney Spears upset about conservatorship extension" -- I know it's hard, hon. But whatever you do, wait until the next decade to say something stupid about how you feel. This decade's list has already been published.

Happy holidays!

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 24, 2009 9:43 AM | Report abuse

sarahabc, I concur! Did you see the profile on Gervais on "60 Minutes"? Perhaps the fact that he found success (and fame) later in life has given him better perspective than many celebs have.

byoolin, you're on fire this morning! My favorite is "mucho bliged."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 24, 2009 9:44 AM | Report abuse

"Morgan Freeman buys private jet"

Hopefully he's better at flying a plane than he is at driving a car.

Posted by: MStreet1 | December 24, 2009 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Roman, you are under house arrest in a freaking mansion. Wait until the pics of you in an orange jumpsuit in a 8 x 10 cell come out.

My how times change Angelina. Didn't you hate your father for cheating on your mother? Now that you have done it and probably will do it, it is suddenly okay. Shall we start on a pool on the Brangelina break up in 2010?

Merry Christmas, Happy Holiday, or whatever your winter special day belief system allows.

Posted by: epjd | December 24, 2009 9:58 AM | Report abuse

ep, thanks for the warm wishes. After last weekend's snowfall, I'm ready for spring, now!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 24, 2009 10:07 AM | Report abuse

A whole week without Celebritology & Liz?!?

Oh well, we'll all just have to update the last posting with our own celebritology stuff!

Have a good one Liz!

How sad to have to have a funeral on Xmas Eve. As for her dad skipping it, I thought it was reported that they weren't that close & really, the man is 83 & on the other side of the country, I understand why he doesn't wanna go or maybe he can't go. You shouldn't have to bury your children.

Posted by: wadejg | December 24, 2009 11:06 AM | Report abuse

Yeah, whole week without Celebritology. I might have to actually work. Yuck.

Posted by: epjd | December 24, 2009 11:35 AM | Report abuse

ep, wadejg's right, we can do a little item-posting from Lizard Island to fill the vacuum.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 24, 2009 12:52 PM | Report abuse

wadejg, I'm also inclined to cut the old man some slack, in the absence of any evidence to the contrary.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 24, 2009 12:54 PM | Report abuse

RIP, sportscaster George Michael.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 24, 2009 2:15 PM | Report abuse

ep, re Roman, you rock

Posted by: reddragon2 | December 24, 2009 2:33 PM | Report abuse

Susan Sarandon linked to man at Naked Ping-Pong Party

She's 63, he's 31. (Not that I'd approve if it were vice versa). The most delicious irony is that she hired him to create a 50th birthday tribute video to Tim. Shades of John Edwards' video hagiographer!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 24, 2009 4:13 PM | Report abuse

Well, except that John Edwards didn't hire Rielle to video his wife, so it's not a perfect analogy. Sosume.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 24, 2009 4:17 PM | Report abuse

So long, George Michael. As Jim Vance put it, "It was one helluva ride."

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Posted by: huangzhixian179 | December 24, 2009 10:14 PM | Report abuse

Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at, a nice and free place for Younger Women and Older Men, or Older Women and Younger Men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.

Posted by: cougarpreycoming | December 24, 2009 10:28 PM | Report abuse

I think I would rather have all caps guy back than spammers.

And for your holiday pleasure: Charlie Sheen, the celebritology gift that keeps giving:

Either he beat Denise Richards (which means I am torn on how bad this really is) or wife #3 is about to be ex-wife #3.

Posted by: epjd | December 25, 2009 8:33 PM | Report abuse

ep, agreed re the spammers. I am consoled, however, that we Lizards are far to smart ever to transact any commerce with them, which serves 'em right.

Re Charlie Sheen: Weren't he and wife #3 already separated while she was pregnant, then they reconciled before the twins were born? I think this marriage was in trouble pretty much from the get-go.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 26, 2009 8:28 AM | Report abuse

I think any relationship with Charlie Sheen is pretty much troubled from the get go. However, it is a big warning sign that you are engaged for 2 years and the wedding only happens when the babies are born. Which btw, he only married Denise when she got pregnant. Maybe he should get a vasectomy. Then he wouldn't have to marry 'em.

Posted by: epjd | December 26, 2009 9:59 AM | Report abuse

Latest re Charlie Sheen and wife:

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 26, 2009 3:51 PM | Report abuse

Nosy, you realize we are the only two here? We need lives.

Posted by: epjd | December 26, 2009 7:25 PM | Report abuse

ep, I've always found the last week of the year to be a particularly productive work time!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 28, 2009 10:32 AM | Report abuse

Here's your Celebritology-lite for Monday. (Happy 3rd day after Christmas to you, Liz Kelly, wherever you are!)

People Magazine sez that Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller "are planning to undergo counseling after a heated fight at a dinner party in Aspen, Colo., that landed Charlie in jail on domestic violence charges Friday morning." (They hope to be ready for an MMA title fight in February.)

Jon Gosselin's apartment was ransacked over Christmas while he was in Pennsylvania. His lawyer said, "Jon immediately contacted me and facilitated the able assistance of the New York City Police Department who immediately dispatched an experienced detective to Jon’s apartment." (Translation: "He called 9-1-1 and the NYPD sent over a guy from the anti-graffiti squad.")

Ivana Trump was kicked off a flight to New York after "she became belligerent" about some obnoxious children. (On the bright side, at least she didn't try to set her crotch on fire on the plane, like some people.)

TMZ has a picture that purports to show JFK on a boat also occupied by a bunch of naked women. (If true, look for a rash of jokes with the punchline, "PT-69.")

Two economics professors from UC Davis have calculated that shareholders in stocks of companies which had sponsorship deals with Tiger Woods lost nearly $12 billion in the two weeks after the scandal broke, with investors in the companies Tiger Woods PGA Tour Golf, Gatorade and Nike accounting for about half that total. (On the upside, those shareholders are still mostly filthy rich megacorporations who'll simply make the money back by laying off staff.)

Posted by: byoolin1 | December 28, 2009 11:04 AM | Report abuse

Two economics professors from UC Davis have calculated that shareholders in stocks of companies which had sponsorship deals with Tiger Woods lost nearly $12 billion in the two weeks after the scandal broke.

I've always wondered, where does that money go? Or was it never "real" money in the first place?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 28, 2009 2:14 PM | Report abuse

Looks like the two economic professors don't want to really work this week either.

Ivana Trump gets kicked off a plane for complaining about unruly kids, but the guy with the bomb is let on with no problem. Your TSA at work folks. Protecting you from rich aging socialites.

Posted by: epjd | December 28, 2009 2:26 PM | Report abuse

ep, I think only one of them had a hot crotch before boarding... (NP hangs head in SMAME).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 28, 2009 2:55 PM | Report abuse

Was it something I said?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 29, 2009 2:29 PM | Report abuse

Oh, thank God, there's life here! My work life this week is as a barren wasteland without celebrity-related lols. I weep.

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | December 29, 2009 2:43 PM | Report abuse

Glad I am not the only one working the week after Christmas! Happy to see the regular Lizards on here!

Posted by: stefs624 | December 29, 2009 3:25 PM | Report abuse

Just for us, Bawlmer and stefs, "For the workers, it was a lonely holiday week at the office"

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 31, 2009 3:25 PM | Report abuse

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