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Posted at 10:32 AM ET, 12/23/2009

Funniest celebrity quotes of the decade?

By Liz Kelly

Paris Hilton drops some knowledge on "Larry King Live" in 2007.

The folks over at Buzzfeed have compiled a list of the "50 Funniest Celebrity Quotes of the 2000s." They aren't all knee-slappers. In fact, some aren't even funny (for instance, Tom Cruise foaming at the mouth about psychology on "Today" in 2005). So, I've slogged through all 50 to bring you the top five six, below:

1. "Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?" -- Paris Hilton, 2003

2. "We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music." -- Matthew McConaughey on the birth of son Levi, 2008

3. "I make Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist." -- Tara Reid, 2005

4. "Let's face it: The teeth are getting more and more British every day. I look in the mirror and see Austin Powers staring at me." -- Hugh Grant, 2000

5. "I still love her. But she's retarded, too." -- Guy Ritchie on ex-wife Madonna, 2009

6. "What are you looking at sugar-***s?" -- Mel Gibson after being pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving, 2003

Too bad Buzzfeed left out this gem, though:

"I can't go anywhere without someone judging me. I did it with my dad. I'd sit on his lap and I drive. We're country." -- Britney Spears addressing concerns about driving with toddler Sean Preston in her lap, 2006

Any other glaring ommissions? Share your nominees below...

By Liz Kelly  | December 23, 2009; 10:32 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Tiger Woods's approval rating bottoms out; T.I. released from prison
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Comments

I don't know. Somehow, I don't think Levi's mom found the situation as fun as Matthew claims it was. Nor his comments funny.

Happy Holidays to Queen Liz, Mr. Liz, the Lizlet and all the Lizards.

Posted by: epjd | December 23, 2009 10:45 AM | Report abuse

There is only one correct answer here:

"I'm going to pull your endocrine system out of your body and make a pack out of it."
-Gary Busey

Posted by: MStreet1 | December 23, 2009 11:01 AM | Report abuse

“You've done a nice job decorating the White House." — Jessica Simpson, upon being introduced to Interior Secretary Gale Norton while touring the White House.

Posted by: kabuki3 | December 23, 2009 11:26 AM | Report abuse

kabuki, I thought that was what Michaele Salahi said.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 23, 2009 11:40 AM | Report abuse

I can't see the whole list at work, but i'm guessing the "Chicken of the sea" comment from Jessica Simpson was on there. As should be Paris Hilton's campaign video(s) from 2008.

Posted by: eet7e | December 23, 2009 1:01 PM | Report abuse

Everything that has come out of President Osama's mouth since he took office. Like that crack about the Austrian language, bowling like a Special Olympics athlete, and groping the Queen after he gave her an iPod of his speeches. Sheesh. Only three more years to go.

Posted by: Baltimore11 | December 23, 2009 1:29 PM | Report abuse

To Baltimore11:

As we say here on Lizard Island, "Yo, carm down, fatty!"

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | December 23, 2009 2:05 PM | Report abuse

Judging from that link, someone needs to create a 50 list for Britney Spears alone. Dumber than a box of rocks. Makes Kelly Pickler look like Stephen Hawking.

Though I really, REALLY wish I hadn't read Ricky Martin's thoughts about golden showers (no. 15). Livin' la vida loca, indeed. Ick. Nast.

But I do have to give Denise Richards props for honesty (no. 35): “I am truly not one to give advice. I'm divorced and I stole my best friend's husband.”

Now if you'll excuse me, I want to focus on my salad (no. 42).

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 23, 2009 2:08 PM | Report abuse

Um, the decade hasn't ended yet so I am sure we have a lot more quotes to add.

Consider the first year of the decade to be 1. There was no year 0 to start. So the full ten years would end in this decade on 12/31/10.

Posted by: LeeHinAlexandria | December 23, 2009 2:47 PM | Report abuse

"You teach a child to read and her or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
-George W Bush 2/21/01

Posted by: ozpunk | December 23, 2009 3:04 PM | Report abuse

Candidate for Comment of the Week "Makes Kelly Pickler look like Stephen Hawking"--td

Re the Decade thing: wgaf?

Posted by: reddragon1 | December 23, 2009 3:06 PM | Report abuse

What about: “I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it.”?

That sealed John Kerry's reputation as a flip-flopper, and arguably lost him the 2004 elections.

Posted by: RJLee2000 | December 23, 2009 3:08 PM | Report abuse

Um, the decade hasn't ended yet so I am sure we have a lot more quotes to add.

Consider the first year of the decade to be 1. There was no year 0 to start. So the full ten years would end in this decade on 12/31/10.


Posted by: LeeHinAlexandria | December 23, 2009 2:47 PM | Report abuse
****************

I've *never* understood this "0" versus "1" debate. Years have 365 days (sometimes 1 more). Like a child starts life on his/her first day when he/she is still "0" years old, so the decade begins on day 1 of its "0" year. On January 1, 2011, the decade will be 1 year, not 0 years, old.

Posted by: multiplepov | December 23, 2009 3:09 PM | Report abuse

Pay commensurate with experience (also competence). Now I see why celebrities are paid so well. Nice set of gams. Enhanced mammaries. No fat molecules. Make-up and clothes to die for. Brains? Not so much. Yes, dear. They sell walls at WAL*MART. Obviously the Secretary of the Interior is an interior decorator, responsible for all the furnishings in the White House.

Posted by: BlueTwo1 | December 23, 2009 3:10 PM | Report abuse

Great the political folks found this blog.

Here's a tip -- you see the scary picture of Ozzy Osbourne at the top of the page. That's yoru first clue this is a politics free zone.

Posted by: epjd | December 23, 2009 3:10 PM | Report abuse

"I guess I'll just fade into Bolivian" -- Mike Tyson.

Posted by: dougiefresh2 | December 23, 2009 3:14 PM | Report abuse

I was going to suggest basketball player and Tiger Woods' consultant Charles Barkley's "I ain't no role model." However I'm not sure it's the right decade and Tyson's "Bolivian" quote completely blows everything else away.

Posted by: reddragon1 | December 23, 2009 3:25 PM | Report abuse

I instantly thought of a quote but somebody beat me to it above:

“You've done a nice job decorating the White House." — Jessica Simpson, upon being introduced to Interior Secretary Gale Norton while touring the White House.

Posted by: kabuki3

Posted by: dcc1968 | December 23, 2009 3:30 PM | Report abuse

"... groping the Queen after he gave her an iPod of his speeches...."

Posted by: Baltimore11 | December 23, 2009

-----------------------------

What' the matter with groping the queen? Jealous?

Posted by: atidwell | December 23, 2009 3:33 PM | Report abuse

Number One Rule of Royal Protocol -- You do NOT touch the Queen and there was First Lady Bigfoot hugging Her Royal Highness. Embarrassing beyond belief. It's really bad when you feel you have to apologize for the President.

Posted by: Baltimore11 | December 23, 2009 3:43 PM | Report abuse

Found it to b really funny....even the average kg students in india r more intelligent/knowledgable than Paris.

Posted by: kalpurush2w3w | December 23, 2009 3:48 PM | Report abuse

multiplepov, it is because when we switched from BC to AD, we left out zero. Well, "we" being Dionysius Exiguus and one of the Pope Gregories. So if we number decades starting from day 1 of the "0 year" (Jan 1 2010), then the first decade only has 9 years (1 AD to 9 AD).

But who's counting?

Posted by: DCCubefarm | December 23, 2009 3:52 PM | Report abuse

GOP - always trying to make something out of nothing. The Queen herself said that she was not offended, nor did she consider protocol violated and that she found both of the Obamas to be refreshing and fascinating and thoroughly enjoyed their visit. so, if the Queen didn't have a problem, what is that the Republicans are still trying to make something out of nothing. Shouldn't they all be some place praying that some plague will come upon the house democrats to delay the health care vote? How ridiculous they all are! How Petty and mean spirited you are!

Posted by: theobc1 | December 23, 2009 3:59 PM | Report abuse

Hey, Liz! This is your buddy Fritz rappin' at ya. One glaring omission from the list: Drew Barrymore on what she loved most about getting back to nature:

“I took a poo in the woods hunched over like an animal. It was awesome.”

Posted by: stupid4 | December 23, 2009 4:05 PM | Report abuse

why can't you write "tits"? it would seem that the word that is redacted with asterisks should be common parlance in d.c.

Posted by: bnglfn | December 23, 2009 4:06 PM | Report abuse

The Queen was being diplomatic. I'd love to hear what she said to Prince Phillip after the bumbling stupid Americans left. BTW, the Dems are sore losers. What about the Frat Boy antics of the Carter and Clinton staffs who trashed the WH offices before they left.

Posted by: Baltimore11 | December 23, 2009 4:13 PM | Report abuse

I think we could cull Liz's twitter enactments for further ideas.

Posted by: kvs09 | December 23, 2009 4:18 PM | Report abuse

I would consider just about anything Sarah Palin said during the last year to be fair game.

Posted by: topperale | December 23, 2009 4:32 PM | Report abuse

"We got an issue in America. Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their - their love with women all across the country."

Posted by: EricBaines | December 23, 2009 4:57 PM | Report abuse

"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama Bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah."
-George W Bush 12/10/01

Posted by: ozpunk | December 23, 2009 5:10 PM | Report abuse

Baltimore 11:

GWB is the most inarticulate frat boy in the history of the presidency and you are picking on Obama? There are entire books written on Bushisms and a treasure trove of comedians that have made fortunes thanks to Bush and Palin. You need some serious perspective and do us a favor and share your genius with just the Baltimore papers.

Posted by: cityboy1 | December 23, 2009 5:14 PM | Report abuse

"It's really bad when you feel you have to apologize for the President."

You bet. Just ask the Dixie Chicks.

Posted by: dennis27 | December 23, 2009 5:17 PM | Report abuse

@LeeHinAlexandria,

Where did this "decader" thing start, and why can't you people crawl back under the pedantic rocks you came from?

No, we already defined the decade as starting on Jan 1, 2000. A decade is ten years. Can you not count?

You guys are mixing this up with the fact that there never was a year zero; we went from 1 BCE, to 1 CE. Your pedantry had some validity when we were talking about when the "second millenium" (an ordinal raking) began, but I have yet to hear anyone talk of the "201st decade", so you just need to can it.

The first "decade" in the common era really only consisted of nine years. So freakin' what? Since we're not talking about an ordinal count of decades, it's any ten years we pick, dammit. Beginning of 1995 to end of 2004 is a decade, just like 2000-2009. Get it?

The lack of a year zero is itself arbitrary since we don't count time from the creation of the universe. And that's the only universally valid way for counting up the number of decades that have elapsed.

Moral of story: Knock it off. It's not clever at all, and you're technically wrong.

Posted by: Wallenstein | December 23, 2009 5:20 PM | Report abuse

"It's really bad when you feel you have to apologize for the President."

Now you know how the rest of Maryland feels about Baltimore.

Posted by: NYC123 | December 23, 2009 5:27 PM | Report abuse

Baltimore11, did you just wake up from an eight-year coma??

Back to celebrity quotes - I loved the quote from Mary-Kate Olsen when she quit NYU - but I don't remember exactly what she said. Something about writing too many, like, papers.

Posted by: miss_stake23 | December 23, 2009 6:07 PM | Report abuse

If pedantic is wrong, I don't wanna be right!

Posted by: DCCubefarm | December 23, 2009 6:24 PM | Report abuse

>>>

Number One Rule of Royal Protocol -- You do NOT touch the Queen and there was First Lady Bigfoot hugging Her Royal Highness. Embarrassing beyond belief. It's really bad when you feel you have to apologize for the President.

Posted by: Baltimore11 | December 23, 2009 3:43 PM<<<

The Queen touched first...with a smile. So there you have it.

Haters need to move on.

Posted by: ldsw | December 23, 2009 6:26 PM | Report abuse

Well, in my book, the best quote would have to be shared by Wallenstein and DCCubefarm, for their '..only 9 years in the decade' line.

Posted by: sandbagger | December 23, 2009 6:54 PM | Report abuse

NONE of those quotes is funny. This paper is an embarassment. What the fok is wrong with those people? Ideology has so clouded their judgement that they're totally out of touch with reality.

Anyone who talks about funny quotes and does not mention G.W. Bush AND Sarah Palin is a moron extraordinaire. This woman is so stupid, if she ever got close to me, I would wack her upside the head with something heavy.

Couldn't they find a smart Jew for this job? Plus, to work around celebrities, you need some pizzaz. This woman is flatter than tap water.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Posted by: jewishmother | December 23, 2009 7:24 PM | Report abuse

I just LOVE how people spend lots and lots and lots of time hating on Sarah Palin. It's kinda scary the energy people spend on this. Such VEHEMENCE!

Man, you'd think she were responsible for WWII, 9/11 and cancer and the way people work themselves up to Be. So. ANGRY! Carm down, fatties! Lighten up!

Besides, this is a celebrity blog. We're talking about celebrities here, remember? Let's talk about Heather Mills or Lindsay Lohan. Surely one of them something ridiculous quoteworthy in the past ten years or so. Anyone? Bueller?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | December 23, 2009 7:52 PM | Report abuse

"the economy is essentially sound," John McCain. fall, 2008.

Posted by: forestbloggod | December 23, 2009 9:27 PM | Report abuse

"A lot of times in politics you have people look you in the eye and tell you what's not on their mind." --George W. Bush, Sochi, Russia, April 6, 2008

Posted by: Attucks | December 23, 2009 9:44 PM | Report abuse

Geez, Louise... some of these people get paid HOW MUCH? This is more than a bit scary... this is frightening. Guess this bunch will never be seen on Celebrity Jeopardy. Just a wild guess.

Posted by: LBinVA | December 23, 2009 10:58 PM | Report abuse

I wonder who peed in Baltimore11's Natty-Bo.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | December 23, 2009 11:37 PM | Report abuse

I don't understand why north-americans feel kind of ashemed when the first lady, Mrs Obama, in a friendly/warm and respectful way touched the english queen. I,in the other hand would be proud of her when she deliberatly didn't let Berlusconi kiss her hand.
(sorry for my terrible english. I almost forgotten it after 40 years without practice.)

Posted by: luciaramoss | December 23, 2009 11:37 PM | Report abuse

As to the First Lady hugging the Queen, the Republicans spun it to point out that the "young and inexperienced" Obamas have no place on the International stage, be it socially or politically or even diplomatically. That our country is in inept hands, as demonstrated by a lack of knowledge of basic protocol. As if that might lead to terrible things when dealing with other countries as to foreign policy.

Of course that's a bunch of horse crap -- completely.

Just thought I'd point out the underlying political gamesmanship going on - this is not a case of disrespect, shame or anything else mentioned in earlier replies.

My favorite quote is:

"I get to go overseas places, like Canada." -- Britney Spears. It speaks volumes.

Posted by: JimGoldbloomVA | December 24, 2009 2:23 AM | Report abuse

Number One Rule of Royal Protocol -- You do NOT touch the Queen and there was (obsenity) hugging Her Royal Highness.

Lecturing on Royal Protocol and you don't even know she Is "Your Majesty" not "Your Royal Highness"
Mrs Obama was more respectful than you are

Posted by: Seala | December 24, 2009 6:15 AM | Report abuse

Take it easy. The decade began on January 1, 2001, and will end on December 31, 2010. Got it?

Posted by: PJTramdack | December 24, 2009 7:13 AM | Report abuse

Tiger Woods while lying on the ground after the accident and being "tended" by his wife reportedly said "You've ruined Thanksgiving!".

Posted by: hz9604 | December 24, 2009 7:22 AM | Report abuse

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Posted by: huangzhixian178 | December 24, 2009 7:58 AM | Report abuse

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