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Posted at 10:53 AM ET, 01/20/2010

A little help for Tila Tequila

By Liz Kelly

Tila Tequila signs autographs in 2007. (Jim Graham for The Washington Post)

As of this writing, Tila Tequila, in what may be a massive stroke of luck for her (and us), has only been able to tweet three times in the last 10 hours. Now, for the Twitter-averse, that may sound like three times too many, but keep in mind that Tequila's usual pace is usually more like three times per minute.

Apparently, she's suffered some kind of connectivity glitch:

"I'm soooo mad! I haven't had internet fir one full day! Its driving me NUTS!!! I even bought a internet stick but doesn't work! WTF!"

It must be bad if even an "internet stick" didn't help. Maybe she should pull out the big guns and go for Internet stones or some kind of Internets wizard?

In any case, since Tila's got some extra time on her hands, I thought we could all put on our thinking caps and come up with some creative and constructive ways for her to use the time that would normally be spent tweeting.

I'll start:

1. Hire a new publicist. Since your last rep quit amidst your overwrought Casey Johnson "mourning," you're floating around without protection.

2. Take a vow of silence -- which will also apply to Twitter. Sure, this may limit your direct exposure with the public, but we'll, umm, be waiting for you!

Add your suggestions for Tila below. At the end of the day, we'll send them to her -- via Twitter, of course.

By Liz Kelly  | January 20, 2010; 10:53 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Friday Lists  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Johnny Depp named GQ's most-stylish man; ScarJo auctions herself for Haiti charity
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Tila's To Do List:
Search the personals for single heiress.
Buy a copy of Heincer's book because not enough people know who I am.
See if that guy Chuck will come over and fix my computer. (Ask him to bring his girlfriend).
Take babysitter CPR class so wifey Casey's family will know I'm serious.

Posted by: hodie | January 20, 2010 11:12 AM | Report abuse

3. Find your original rock & crawl back under it.

Posted by: jes11 | January 20, 2010 11:12 AM | Report abuse

The internet stick is making me think of Tila walking around her house with a divination rod trying to find a Wi-Fi hot spot.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 20, 2010 11:14 AM | Report abuse

"fir". Not "for". I could even, grudgingly, accept "4" to allow for Twitter's character limitation. I could do "fir" if she was making a point by speaking in dialect. But she isn't, and it's "fir". No. I'm sorry, but no. At that point, I don't even care about content because my eyes are bleeding from the heinous misuse of English.

What she needs is a filter on her Twitter. This filter would correct all spelling and grammar errors, and then delete them.

Posted by: DCCubefarm | January 20, 2010 11:25 AM | Report abuse

One of the perils of reading things quickly is that sometimes you get your hopes up.

For instance, the first words I saw in the first sentence were "Tila Tequila" and "massive stroke."

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 20, 2010 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Perhaps some brave hackers are suppressing her WiFi? I salute you, noble nerds!

As far as Tila, maybe she could use this time to meditate on where she wants to be in twenty years. "Becoming the new Joan Rivers" should not be the GOOD option.

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | January 20, 2010 12:08 PM | Report abuse

Isn't California in the midst of a series of cataclysmic rainstorms? Perhaps the one, functioning AT&T cell tower slid down a mountainside in a cascade of mud.

Perhaps Tila will be next.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 20, 2010 12:14 PM | Report abuse

Tell Tia that the only proper way for her to key in a tweet is with her labia majora.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 20, 2010 2:02 PM | Report abuse

kill herself?

Posted by: bms46and2 | January 20, 2010 2:51 PM | Report abuse

Everyone always kinda assumed that machine awareness would start with Skynet or some other defense system. Who knew that it would really begin when the Internet decided it simply was tired of Tila Tequila?

Posted by: MStreet1 | January 20, 2010 3:47 PM | Report abuse

Chinese finger puzzles. Five of them.

Posted by: northgs | January 20, 2010 3:56 PM | Report abuse

"What she needs is a filter on her Twitter. This filter would correct all spelling and grammar errors, and then delete them."

Delete the errors or the entire post?

I vote for the entire post option

Posted by: onlytheshadowknows1 | January 20, 2010 5:36 PM | Report abuse

"What she needs is a filter on her Twitter."

Twitter? Is that what you crazy kids are calling it nowadays?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 20, 2010 8:13 PM | Report abuse

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