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Posted at 7:26 AM ET, 01/21/2010

Heidi Montag sells fewer than 1,000 albums; Charlie Sheen visits wife in hospital

By Liz Kelly

Thursday

Headlines: Heidi Montag sells less than 1,000 albums in first week of release... Beyonce signs on to Haiti telethon line-up... Conan officially inks deal to leave NBC... Rosie O'Donnell calls Jay Leno a "bully"... "Entourage's" Emmanuelle Chriqui named "most-desirable" woman of 2010... David Hasselhoff lands his own reality show... Tara Reid is engaged... Lindsay Lohan to attend Vienna Opera Ball... Scott Baio gets death threats after posting Michelle Obama photo to Twitter... Charlie Sheen visits sick wife in hospital... Courtney Love wants to touch Keith Richards's liver.

Crime Watch: Victim wants Roman Polanski punishment limited to time served... Ex won't face charges for kicking Michael Lohan in the head... Amy Winehouse gets off with warning in theater assault case.

Rumor Mill: FBI investigating death threats against Jon Cryer... George Clooney ready to be a dad?... Madonna ready to be a mom again?... Mischa Barton flubbing lines on "Law and Order: SVU" set.

Pix: Jon Gosselin steps out with new girlfriend.

Say What?
"All I want to do now is f--- the girls I've already f---ed, because I can't fathom explaining myself to somebody who can’t believe I'd be interested in them." -- John Mayer, who also says he regrets breaking up with Jennifer Aniston, in the latest Rolling Stone.

Chat Day! Join me today at 2 p.m. ET for this week's Celebritology Live discussion.

By Liz Kelly  | January 21, 2010; 7:26 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Stars align for Haiti relief; Heidi Montag's mom 'horrified' at surgery

Comments

"Heidi Montag sells less than 1,000 albums in first week of release." And, just like her breasts, that number's WAAAAAY inflated.


Congrats to Emmanuelle Chriqui for being named the "most-desirable" woman of 2010. Now, for the rest of us: who's the "most-attainable"?


"David Hasselhoff lands his own reality show." Ladies and gentlemen: more evidence that reality is an ad hoc construct, not an a priori one.


"Courtney Love wants to touch Keith Richards's liver." That's the medical equivalent of what's in the box in "Raiders of the Lost Ark."


"Ex won't face charges for kicking Michael Lohan in the head." It would be hard to get a conviction if the jury kept applauding the description of the crime.


Hey, John Mayer: I'll let you know when that "most attainable" list comes out.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 21, 2010 8:23 AM | Report abuse

We now know the next cover song he'll do:

"To all the girls I've f-ed before...."

Posted by: DCCubefarm | January 21, 2010 8:29 AM | Report abuse

"FBI investigating death threats against Jon Cryer..." Duckie should have never pissed off Steff.

Posted by: yellojkt | January 21, 2010 8:52 AM | Report abuse

Heidi Montag sells less than 1,000 albums...
-I've never had faith in the taste of the American public till this moment.


Rosie O'Donnell calls Jay Leno a "bully"...
-Great, another doughy over the hill white guy is getting involved in this feud.


Hey Scott Baio, you don't get to tell anyone to grow up if you are pulling childish pranks yourself.


FBI investigating death threats against Jon Cryer...
-Look, I know Two and a Half Men is pretty terrible, but byoolin, you can't just go making death threats like that.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | January 21, 2010 8:53 AM | Report abuse

Courtney Love wants to touch Keith Richards' liver? Why? So she can determine whether his liver is more functional than hers?

Charlie Sheen wants to visit his wife in the hospital? Why? TO finish the job he began in Aspen?

So Madonna wants a Baby Jesus. What's she gonna do with Baby Jesus? Stick him on top on the dashboard as a good luck charm?

Rosie O' Donnell calls Jay Leno a bully, and no doubt challenges Jay to an eat-off to show who's boss.

Does the Heidi Montag album include a naked spread of her new enhanced body? That's the only I can figure how to sell 1,000 copies.

How many psi does Jon Gosselin's new girlfriend take to inflate?

If only the court had issued an injuction against Amy Winehouse ever appearing in a theater in any capacity ever again.

I can't believe that any woman would believe that John Mayer would be interested in them....except for knockin' boots.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | January 21, 2010 9:01 AM | Report abuse

DCCubeFarm, good one re: John Mayer.

If Scott Baio and Jon Cryer are receiving death threats, then somebody had better double the guards on Jimmy Osmond and Anthony Michael Hall.

Only 1,000 albums, Heidi? Sometimes that groundswell of social media doesn't work so much in your favor. Less is more and all that.

George Clooney and Madonna should just have a child together. Their little boy would will work out way too much and sing badly with his head down and eyes up. (Then again, the DNA from that Clash of Egos might be too much for one person to handle. Let me get back to you on this idea.)

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 21, 2010 9:44 AM | Report abuse

Oh, and if Courtney Love wants to touch Keith Richards' liver, then maybe she should sweet-talk Gary Busey into taking her to a Stones concert.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 21, 2010 9:45 AM | Report abuse

Beyonce should just sit this one out. Does anyone watching a Haiti telethon really want to hear "Halo," "Disappear," "Irreplaceable" and/or "All the Single Ladies"?!

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | January 21, 2010 9:57 AM | Report abuse

By "Vienna Opera Ball" Lindsey really means "That coke filled nightclub on the wrong side of the Danube"

Posted by: EricS2 | January 21, 2010 9:59 AM | Report abuse

I think Heidi's mom has done her Christmas shopping early this year.

I am really irritated that an unemployed guy with 8 kids is eating at better DC restaurants than most of us can afford. Go away, Jon.

Posted by: kirstenpaulson | January 21, 2010 10:21 AM | Report abuse

Dollars to donuts, most of those 1000 Heidi Montag CDs are already doing duty as light-catchers, hanging from taxicab rearview mirrors. I hear that's the fashion in the Middle East, anyway.

I saw the LiLo blurb yesterday on an entertainment website. (US? I can't remember.) The headline was, "Lindsay Lohan, Paid Escort". Perhaps predictably, Paris Hilton went there before her.

Byoolin, great call on Keith Richards' liver.

John Mayer, at least you've got a lot of choices.

Madonna ready to be a mom again; Third World adoption-official bidding war ensues.

George Clooney ready to be a dad, but has excluded all the women John Mayer has f-ed from consideration, thereby proving this is just so much more mischief from the Cloonster.

Posted by: northgs | January 21, 2010 10:32 AM | Report abuse

I see Beyonce is trying to redeem her soul.

John Mayer, of course you have to go back to the old girlfriends. Everyone else figured you out and won't touch you with a ten foot pole. Well, Courtney Love might when she gets done with Keith Richards' liver.

Rosie would know a bully when she sees one.

Posted by: epjd | January 21, 2010 10:50 AM | Report abuse

Heidi proves that after awhile one begins to believe their own hype. Wonder how many of those 658 copies (way less than 1000) she bought herself?

Scott, you're such a Chachi!

Courtney Love wants to touch Keith Richards liver, and then she wants to touch Amy Winehouse's pancreas.

Ex won't face charges for kicking Michael Lohan in the head. Clearly she did not kick him hard enough.

Posted by: hodie | January 21, 2010 10:50 AM | Report abuse

I see John Mayer has a rather higher opinion of himself than the rest of us.

That Austrian guy has NO taste. Ugh.

Posted by: Californian11 | January 21, 2010 12:37 PM | Report abuse

"Heidi Montag sells less than 1,000 albums in first week of release..."
- I feel sorry for the 900 people who got the album as a gag birthday present.

- Or 900 unfortunate people typed "Heidi" instead of Haiti into the iTunes search engine.

- Or Heidi has a big extended family.

"If I f---ed Dimples, what does that say about someone like Jen? I feel like it’s all connected. How could I ever cosmically relate these two people?"

- John Mayer, meet Tiger Woods. And leave the cosmos out of it.

Posted by: mdreader01 | January 21, 2010 12:51 PM | Report abuse

Congrats to Emmanuelle Chriqui for being named the "most-desirable" woman of 2010. Now, for the rest of us: who's the "most-attainable"?
--byoolin

I believe that would be Paris Hilton. Or maybe Kate Hudson.

Posted by: spartan123 | January 21, 2010 12:52 PM | Report abuse

Congrats to Emmanuelle Chriqui for being named the "most-desirable" woman of 2010. Now, for the rest of us: who's the "most-attainable"?
--byoolin

I believe that would be Paris Hilton. Or maybe Kate Hudson.

Posted by: spartan123 |

I'm thinking Lilo, and who is she snogging this week?

Posted by: hodie | January 21, 2010 2:06 PM | Report abuse

Please, Polanski victim, stop it. We know that you've had enough of the media circus, and we know that you are being pressured by all of Polanski's entourage,and we are very sympathetic to your current situation,

but please think of the other 13-year-olds girls who are raped. Polanski deserves real punishment - not just for his rape of you, but also for running away from the court.

Posted by: Amelia5 | January 21, 2010 2:25 PM | Report abuse

"Heidi Montag sells less than 1,000 albums in first week of release." - Maybe Walmart didn't stock the shelves? She should tweet a complaint.

How many times was her album or her single downloaded? She'll probably set records in those categories. She could have the #1 ringtone.

Posted by: ZebraLover | January 21, 2010 2:54 PM | Report abuse

What Amelia said.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 21, 2010 2:57 PM | Report abuse

Well said, Amelia.

Posted by: northgs | January 21, 2010 3:27 PM | Report abuse

"Heidi Montag sells less than 1,000 albums in first week of release." - Maybe Walmart didn't stock the shelves? She should tweet a complaint.

How many times was her album or her single downloaded? She'll probably set records in those categories. She could have the #1 ringtone.

Posted by: ZebraLove
*******************************************


From the linked article:
...industry sources tell UsMagazine.com that the album has sold only 658 downloads to date.

So those WERE downloads that sold & not actual hard copies of the album.

Posted by: wadejg | January 21, 2010 3:59 PM | Report abuse

"Celine Dion, James Cameron, Michael J. Fox to appear on Canadian Haiti benefit":
http://www.metronews.ca/toronto/canada/article/429393--celine-dion-james-cameron-michael-j-fox-to-appear-on-canadian-haiti-benefit

"A lineup of top Canadian talent has signed up to take part Friday in this country's multi-network TV benefit for Haiti, including Celine Dion, James Cameron, Michael J. Fox and the Tragically Hip. / CBC, CTV and Global Television will air "Canada for Haiti" at 7 p.m. ET and PT, and it will also be streamed online at the networks' websites and broadcast on CBC Radio Two." / Dozens of A-list Canadian names have been announced as supporters of the show, which was quickly organized by staff from competing networks. The commercial-free program will be hosted by Global's Cheryl Hickey, CTV's Ben Mulroney and CBC's George Stroumboulopoulos. / Film stars who will appear include Jason Reitman, Ryan Reynolds, William Shatner, Rachelle Lefevre, Joshua Jackson, Eugene Levy, Norman Jewison, Tom Jackson and Will Arnett. / TV personalities Brent Butt, Hugh Dillon, Mike Holmes, Rick Mercer, Alex Trebek, Sandra Oh and Pamela Anderson are on board. / Musicians Justin Bieber, Nelly Furtado, Sarah McLachlan, Barenaked Ladies, Simple Plan, David Foster, Chantal Kreviazuk, Raine Maida and Measha Brueggergosman have signed on. / K'naan and the Tragically Hip will perform..."

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 21, 2010 4:11 PM | Report abuse

(crickets)

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 21, 2010 5:58 PM | Report abuse

Clearly that Canadian TV line-up was designed to make the Haitians rethink any ideas they might have had about fleeing their devastated nation for a new life in Canada.

-Snarky Squirrel

Posted by: 7900rmc | January 21, 2010 6:35 PM | Report abuse

What we need is to have Tila Tequila and Heidi Montag give blows jobs to John Roberts and Anthony Scalia, then sell the sex tapoes to the National Enquirer so we can impeach and remove those fascists.

Posted by: angelos_peter | January 21, 2010 10:47 PM | Report abuse

Squirrel, I'd think the winter weather in much of Canada would suffice to deter most folks from mild climates (not just Haitians) from immigrating there.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | January 21, 2010 11:18 PM | Report abuse

"Heidi Montag sells less than 1,000 albums in first week of release..."


And what's sad is that she bought 950 of the copies.

Posted by: peauxsucent | January 22, 2010 7:46 AM | Report abuse

"FBI investigating death threats against Jon Cryer..."

Who knew Cryer was still around to threaten?

Posted by: peauxsucent | January 22, 2010 7:47 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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