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Posted at 8:18 AM ET, 03/22/2010

Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen marry; Fake boobs banned from next 'Pirates' installment

By Liz Kelly and Jen Chaney

Johnny Depp greets fans at an event to promote 'Alice in Wonderland' in Tokyo on Monday. (Reuters)

Monday

Celebrity Beat: Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher marry in Paris... Tiger Woods says he was "living a life of a lie" in new interviews... Supposed Jesse James mistress returns to stripping (NSFW video via TMZ)... Brittany Murphy's widower denies (warning, ick ahead) having sex with Murphy's mother... Rosie O'Donnell plotting return to daytime talk... Star Jones recovering after cardiac surgery... German magazine apologizes for running fake Beyonce interview... No part of oil fortune to go to Anna Nicole Smith's estate... Demi Moore and Nia Vardalos come to the rescue of suicidal teen via Twitter.

Crime Watch: Pete Doherty arrested in connection with friend's fatal drug overdose... Jason Wahler arrested for alleged DUI.

Rumor Mill: Lindsay Lohan says she didn't text ailing dad... Three days prior to his death, Marie Osmond's son claimed he was drugged by ex girlfriend.

Pop Culture Mix: News from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" front: Penelope Cruz confirmed in the role of Johnny Depp's love interest, also known as the daughter of Blackbeard, in the fourth film; and filmmakers ban fake boobs from "Pirates" casting call, in what is either a triumph over plastic surgery or a case of flagrant sexual harassment... Hogwarts burns down on set of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows"; no one was injured but this is clearly soooo Voldemort's fault... "Hot Tub Time Machine" guys discuss the '80s, John Cusack admits he hasn't seen most John Hughes movies (Lloyd Dobler, that is demented and sad)... Clip from "Twilight: Eclipse" leaked online ... "Alice in Wonderland" continues to rule the box office... Aziz Ansari ("Parks and Recreation") to host MTV Movie Awards... Chris Evans reportedly offered Captain America role... "Dr. Horrible" sequel to be a feature film?... The London Observer pays homage to "Twin Peaks," complete with memories from cast members... Check out this awesomely geeky "Star Wars" stuff; I kinda want that Tie fighter desk (Found via Fark.com).

Say What?
"It's excruciating, but beauty is pain." -- Plastic surgery vet Heidi Montag.

By Liz Kelly and Jen Chaney  | March 22, 2010; 8:18 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Who are Jen and Liz anyway?
Next: Breaking down the box office: A 'Wimpy' win (of sorts)

Comments

My first thought on reading the Demi Moore thing was that now that folks have published it, she's going to have threats about every 6 minutes.

Morning love to my fellow islanders, and a question - is anyone more hated than Jesse James right now?

Posted by: LTL1 | March 22, 2010 8:57 AM | Report abuse

So instead of pirate booty we'll have pirate boobies?

Penelope Cruz, good choice. Someone Jack would actually be attracted to.

Posted by: EricS2 | March 22, 2010 9:16 AM | Report abuse

LTL1, Jesse James has a very unfortunate title to his tv show right now.

Yay, on the Dr. Horrible news. Oops, outed myself again.

Man, why can't I get cases like the Anna Nicole Smith case. Long running, lots of fees and no annoying client to deal with.

Posted by: epjd | March 22, 2010 9:26 AM | Report abuse

First we get universal healthcare and now Rosie is coming back to tv. See I told you this country is going to hell in a hand basket.


How can I get in on the Pirates of the Caribbean "show and tell day"?

Liz, I think you need an AT-AT stroller for the little Lizard.


How will Anna Nicole Smith live without all that oil money now?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | March 22, 2010 9:31 AM | Report abuse

First, thanks to JeLi for the (new?) Australian news source - it looks absolutely trash-tastic! Easily as good as the Daily Mail. (Lizards, it's the Cohen/Fischer link.)

The "Pirates" folks don't need fake boobs - if their costume and makeup departments could give Keira Knightley boobs without surgery, they can give *anybody* boobs without surgery.

The R2D2 video projector is kinda cool... until it gets fritzed and will only play back the last 10 seconds of the movie.

Posted by: northgs | March 22, 2010 9:47 AM | Report abuse

Okay, now that Brittany Murphy is gone, can we PLEASE ban any and all info on her creepy husband and weird mom? There are so many fun celebs out there to pay attention to! Please please please???

Posted by: jaybbub | March 22, 2010 9:50 AM | Report abuse

The biggest surprise in Tiger Woods "life of a lie": he's actually not African-American at all - it's been a big "Black Like Me" thing all along.


"Rosie O'Donnell plotting return to daytime talk." That's the last straw. I need to find a job, and soon.


Well, of course it was a fake interview: Beyonce doesn't speak German.


The next Twitter task for @mrskutcher and @NiaVardalos will be much more difficult: getting @CourtneyLoveUK and @johncmayer to shut up.


Hey, JeLi: some nobody named "Jason Wahler" has apparently hacked Celebritology and put his own name in an item.


"It's excruciating, but beauty is pain." One wonders if Heidi's idea of pain is anywhere nearly as ridiculous as her idea of beauty seems to be.

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 22, 2010 10:02 AM | Report abuse

Ladies - don't we think that Sandra Bullock should have perhaps chosen a little more wisely? What was this man's character before they married? Why do we think that men with his track record will be anything except true to themselves?

I'm still confused as to how there is a five-year-old child by an ex-wife and Sandra and Jesse have been married 5 years. So - was Sandra in fact dating him while he was married to ex-wife? Or was he having sex with ex-wife while engaged to Sandra - she can't have been unaware since Jesse and ex had a child.

If Sandra was dating him while he was still married (or just after separated) I can't be too surprised that he's doing the same thing to her. I just don't understand why she is stunned.

Posted by: Amelia5 | March 22, 2010 10:29 AM | Report abuse

We should make "Pete Doherty arrested" a standing item for Crime Watch.

I know TD will approve of the selection of Ms. Cruz for "Pirates." Or for anything else.

If the casting director for Pirates is looking for a boob tester, I volunteer.

Posted by: reddragon1 | March 22, 2010 10:29 AM | Report abuse

The R2D2 video projector is kinda cool... until it gets fritzed and will only play back the last 10 seconds of the movie.
Posted by: northgs

/desperate moist snorfling sounds as Bawlmer tries not to spit coffee all over her keyboard

And the TIE fighter desk is pretty cool; but I'm holding out for the computer case mod shaped like the Death Star. You could turn the laser array into a speaker!..Okay, I'm going back into my mom's basement now.

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | March 22, 2010 10:37 AM | Report abuse

Right you are, reddragon1. I haven't seen any "Pirates" movies, but with the addition of Penelope Cruz, I will now....

The more I see or hear about Beyoncé, the blander she gets. To the point where, if that interview featured a "fake Beyoncé," I might actually read it.

What did Demi do, give the teen the number of her Botox guy?

Sacha Baron Cohen, you have grown tiresome.

Who or what is a Jason Wahler?

I read that John Cusack article over the weekend. By dissing John Hughes movies, JC's not doing his career any favors (not that being in a movie called "Hot Tub Time Machine" is either, granted).

Question: Three people, one roll of duct tape; whose mouth do we cover?

a) Ms. Rosie O'Donnell
b) Mr. Tiger Woods
c) Mr. Brittany Murphy

Discuss.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | March 22, 2010 10:47 AM | Report abuse

The Pirates movie producers don't want fake boobs? You have to tell us more and not just leave us hanging. So to speak.

Posted by: BaracksTeleprompter | March 22, 2010 10:48 AM | Report abuse

td, definitely "c)." Not only is he more offensive with every utterance, but also one roll of duct tape would not be enough for Rosie.

In other news, Former Miss Teen South Caroline Caitlin Upton and her only-slghtly-more-intelligent boyfriend were eliminated from "The Amazing Race" last night because Caitlin couldn't figure out how many animals were associated with Joan of Arc.

Posted by: reddragon1 | March 22, 2010 11:07 AM | Report abuse

Thank for the spoiler Redragon. Now if we can only get the Reality Show Wh0res off, I will be happy. Rooting for the Cowboys, even if they are from Jokelahoma.

Posted by: epjd | March 22, 2010 11:11 AM | Report abuse

td - isn't there a way to duct tape them all together? Even if we couldn't cover their mouths, we wouldn't be able to discern who is saying what over the din of their three co-mingled, self-centered, offensive voices.

Posted by: Amelia5 | March 22, 2010 11:21 AM | Report abuse

Sorry ep. But only part of what I said is true.

Posted by: reddragon1 | March 22, 2010 11:21 AM | Report abuse

ep
Man, why can't I get cases like the Anna Nicole Smith case. Long running, lots of fees and no annoying client to deal with.

Not unlike why some MDs become pathologists: no need for bedside manner when you're autopsying a stiff ;-)


Amelia, I too kind of wondered when Sandra Bullock married Jesse James. Then again, I was never attracted to "bad boys," and married a "good guy." Yes, Dorkus, there are plenty of nice gals out there who actually appreciate your type. Patience!


Star Jones recovering after cardiac surgery.

Get well wishes.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 11:48 AM | Report abuse

So, that maniacal laughter we heard was Rosie Odonnell plotting her return, eh? Will she be missing her nose, like he who should not be named? By the way, I think it is just a rumor that he burned down Hogwarts. I believe it was the Weasley twins and one of their dung bombs gone bad. God, I am such a geek.

Posted by: hodie2 | March 22, 2010 11:49 AM | Report abuse

Amelia
I'm still confused as to how there is a five-year-old child by an ex-wife and Sandra and Jesse have been married 5 years.

See: KFed-Shar Jackson-Britney Spears, among other triangles.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 11:53 AM | Report abuse

Clip from "Twilight: Eclipse" leaked online ...

I totally saw it and it's ripped from today's headlines. Seemingly normal people, walking the earth among us suddenly become stark.raving.mad during a lunar eclipse. They storm town hall meetings, foaming at the mouth, carrying misspelled signs, and making no sense talking to Chris Matthews on Hardball...

Posted by: mdreader01 | March 22, 2010 12:00 PM | Report abuse

Coming this Fall, Nia Vardolos newest movie:

My Big Fat Greek Suicide Prevention Hotline

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 22, 2010 12:17 PM | Report abuse

Amelia
I'm still confused as to how there is a five-year-old child by an ex-wife and Sandra and Jesse have been married 5 years.

See: KFed-Shar Jackson-Britney Spears, among other triangles.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 11:53 AM | Report abuse


Pretty much. Sandy and Jesse met in Dec '03 and Sunny was born in Jan '04. There you have it. Still think the guy is a jerk though.

Posted by: Vienna8425 | March 22, 2010 12:20 PM | Report abuse

Thanks, Nosy, nice to know there are good guys out there.

Maybe Sandra fell prey to the ever-popular "I can change him" delusion?

Hmm. A 6-year-engagement? Somehow I am not buying the "wedded bliss" thing from Cohen & Fisher. If it takes you 6 years to decide whether you want to get married in the U.S. or Australia, maybe it was just reluctance to get married. Call me cynical, but why do I think this is a last-ditch effort to save the relationship before the inevitable breakup?

I'm disgusted that the Jesse James skank mistress strips in my hometown! Gross.

Posted by: Californian11 | March 22, 2010 12:21 PM | Report abuse

Jesse James filed for divorce in October of '03, they had been separated since May of '03. I think the child was 5 when they won custody early last year, I think she's nearly 7 now.

Posted by: mcleve | March 22, 2010 12:28 PM | Report abuse

So did Jesse James pull a Billy Crudup?!?

Posted by: Californian11 | March 22, 2010 12:29 PM | Report abuse

Hmm...I'm now starting to get preemptive reassurances that there are nice girls out there that will like me for who I am. My life is really as sad as I make it out to be (ok it is, but I like to think of it as my own version of HIMYM).

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | March 22, 2010 12:35 PM | Report abuse

Liz and Jen, you overlooked this one.

"Susan Boyle dreamed a dream -- and it's about to come true"
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/international/oh_boyle_gift_for_day_P4oBZRvND3ErLMKX3IP7eP

The Brit singing phenom will find a $6 million-plus check in her bank account on her 49th birthday, April 1 -- her first payday since she wowed the world with her heavenly voice singing "I Dreamed A Dream" on the TV show "Britain's Got Talent" last year.

The paycheck represents what Boyle has earned from her chart-topping album and a string of international appearances, Britain's Daily Mail reported yesterday.

She plans to plunk down a hunk of the change on a change of address.

"Fame hasn't changed her, but she recognizes that money will bring her security, and that's why she's looking for a new home," the newspaper quoted a source saying. The singer plans to stay close to her roots, buying a new home in Blackburn, the town where she's lived her whole life.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 12:37 PM | Report abuse

Correction, my life ISN'T as sad as I make it out to be.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | March 22, 2010 12:39 PM | Report abuse

Californian, don't forget Val Kilmer, who dumped wife Joanne Whalley 6 weeks after she gave birth to their second child. (Some of us bear grudges for a long, long time!).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 12:41 PM | Report abuse

Californian, don't forget Val Kilmer, who dumped wife Joanne Whalley 6 weeks after she gave birth to their second child. (Some of us bear grudges for a long, long time!).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 12:41 PM |

------------------------------------------
How does this rank on the John Edwards Scanque Scale?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 22, 2010 1:03 PM | Report abuse

How does this rank on the John Edwards Scanque Scale?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 22, 2010 1:03 PM
=====================
John made a sex tape AND ran for president. Even though he doesn't stack up to Tiger in terms of numbers, he's right there in terms of audacity.

Posted by: mdreader01 | March 22, 2010 1:11 PM | Report abuse

And stupidity. When oh when will public figures (aside from skanks like Paris Hilton and whichever Kardashian, whose sex tapes made them household names) realize taping sex is a bad, bad, bad idea?

Posted by: Californian11 | March 22, 2010 1:21 PM | Report abuse

How does this rank on the John Edwards Scanque Scale?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 22, 2010 1:03 PM

============================

Damn, I'm still measuring political sex scandals with the Clintonometer! How do I convert from a measurement in cigars to one in scanques?

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | March 22, 2010 2:27 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer, order of magnitude of difference, because still no video has emerged of Clinton's peccadilloes.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 2:32 PM | Report abuse

There's a VIDEO?! I just read mdreader's post, how did I miss that?! Maybe my brain is actively suppressing it.

More importantly, are Clinton and Edwards engaged in some sort of primitive battle for scanque supremacy? I expect to see Ol' Bill show up at a press conference with a vat of barbecue sauce and a terrible smirk on his face.

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | March 22, 2010 2:44 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer, news of the John Edwards sex tape dropped two-three weeks ago. The very concept is, indeed, heave-inducing, although it apparently has not been made public. On the cigar-calibrated Clintonometer, I think that's an entire humidor of Havanas.

Posted by: northgs | March 22, 2010 3:21 PM | Report abuse

I can't get on the "Sandy should have known better" bandwagon. It goes hand in hand with giving famous/rich/whatever guys a pass for bad behavior and blaming the victim for bad judgment. That being said, I always had a "no professional actors, athletes or musicians" dating motto (with one athlete exception) simply because I didn't want to deal with the constant skankfest, whether they'd be able to resist it or not.

I am so sick and tired of reading about Tiger's "return after taking a leave of absence from golf". Give me a ##$%&@! break. Tiger's season was over when this mess kicked off, and he has never played more than a couple of warm up tournaments before the Masters at the beginning of a new season. Tiger is basically right on his usual schedule. No sacrifice has been made. Pathetic. As is his "I tried to stop, I couldn't stop" "sex addict" defense.

"More importantly, are Clinton and Edwards engaged in some sort of primitive battle for scanque supremacy? I expect to see Ol' Bill show up at a press conference with a vat of barbecue sauce and a terrible smirk on his face." LOL Bawlmer!

But I think Eliot Spitzer is well to the top of the Politician Scanque Scale--sorry, but Clinton just seems amateurish next to him; Tiger will probably be all time leader on Athlete Scanque Scale; at the moment Jesse James seems all alone atop the celebrity Scanque Scale. Musician Scanque Scale seems to be dominated by John Mayer, although he has interspersed his scanques with the likes of Jennifer Anniston and in general these assessments are based on the number and relative merits of the women they choose (else we'd have to put Jude Law up there too). Edwards having a sex tape almost puts him in the running, but so far it does seem like just one affair, and at least she wasn't a stripper, pro, semi-pro or porn star.

hodie, I too am such a Potter geek! I watched a bunch of Potter movies on tv this weekend, just because a) we now have a BIG HD screen (new excuse) and b) there were actually some scenes that were not in the movies or DVDs. My first thought also on the set burning down was the twins, but in the context of the big defense of the castle battle...okay, I'm pathetic.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | March 22, 2010 3:44 PM | Report abuse

Cat, let us know your reaction when you watch Planet Earth or Life in HD.

P.S. What the hell is a Hoya?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 22, 2010 3:51 PM | Report abuse

P.S. What the hell is a Hoya?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot

*********************************************

I'm pretty sure it's along the same lines as a buckeye. Get some real mascots people.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | March 22, 2010 3:54 PM | Report abuse

Get some real mascots people.
Posted by: DorkusMaximus1

=========================

I had friends from high school who went to UVA and VTech- both excellent schools, yes, but with mascots called, respectively, "Wahoos" and "Hokies". Me and my polar bear mascot gave them crap for years.

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | March 22, 2010 4:09 PM | Report abuse

P.S. What the hell is a Hoya?

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot

The correct answer to that question is "Exactly."

Hoya means "What", as in Hoya Saxa, which translates as "What Rocks!" and there's a whole story behind that. Yeah, the bulldog is just a front....

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | March 22, 2010 4:10 PM | Report abuse

"Cat, let us know your reaction when you watch Planet Earth or Life in HD."

Sas, I saw some Planet Earth in HD--awesome. Also watched my own eco-doc on it--also awesome, especially considering I've seen it some 7000 times on computer screens during making/editing/disk checking etc. What's really sad is we got a 55" and we're already jaded...sort of ;-)

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | March 22, 2010 4:14 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer, you know what a "hokie" is, don't you?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 4:16 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus, a buckeye is the fruit of the buckeye tree. Really.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 4:19 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer, what school has a "polar bear mascot"? University of Alaska?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 4:21 PM | Report abuse

Bawlmer, what school has a "polar bear mascot"? University of Alaska?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker


*********************************************

Dharma University?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | March 22, 2010 4:44 PM | Report abuse

Hey Dorkus, have you seen this?

"What Makes a Guy 'Undateable'? Oh, Any of 311 Different Things"
http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/03/17/what-makes-a-guy-undateable

Obviously, some things aren't dealbreakers for some women. E.g., I liked that the future Mr. P wore his college class ring.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 22, 2010 5:23 PM | Report abuse

Dorkus - I don't even watch Lost but I have to say I laughed out loud!

Posted by: Vienna8425 | March 22, 2010 7:03 PM | Report abuse

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