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Posted at 7:49 AM ET, 03/ 2/2010

Kate Gosselin signs on to 'Dancing with the Stars'; Jay Leno returns to 'Tonight Show'

By Liz Kelly

Celebrity Beat: Pam Anderson, Kate Gosselin, Shannen Doherty sign on for "Dancing with the Stars"... Drug test pending in death of Marie Osmond's son... Matt Damon "disappointed" by President Obama; wants SeaWorld shut down... Johnny Depp wants cameo in "21 Jump Street" movie... Lady Gaga advocates celibacy... Lindsey Vonn to guest star on "Law & Order"... Simon Cowell's girlfriend flashes blingy engagement ring... Christina Milian gives birth to baby girl... Kim Kardashian buys $4.8 million Beverly Hills home... Chynna Phllips changes her mind on divorcing Billy Baldwin... Judge OK's O.J. Simpson's plan to donate acquittal suit to Smithsonian.

Pop Culture Mix: Reliably mediocre Jay Leno returns to "Tonight Show"... Roger Ebert writes about new computerized voice... "Glee" goes on tour!... "Modern Family" director Jason Winer to take on "Arthur" remake, with Russell Brand in the lead role... Jeff Bridges-voiced Hyundai ads pulled from Oscar broadcast... Oscar predictions gone wrong, and right... Miss America pageant homeless... Streamy Awards nominate best in Web entertainment... John Cleese bringing "A Fish Called Wanda" to stage as a musical... Peruse these never-before-seen "Star Wars" photos.

Crime Watch: Lil' Wayne set to begin jail term.

Rumor Mill: Brittany Murphy's husband to attend Oscars... Robert Pattinson won't be there... Kevin Jonas and wife spotted squabbling at supermarket...

Video: "Jersey Shore" cast recreates "The Hurt Locker" (with apologies for the ad-wrapped player)...

-- Liz and Jen


What is Celebritology 2.0? Read all about it!

By Liz Kelly  | March 2, 2010; 7:49 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  
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Next: Winner's Circle: Randy Quaid


Luv the new format.

Read the first two lines as one item, so that Pam, Shannen, and Kate have to take a drug test to appear on DWTS. Obviously untrue as Cloris Leachman got on.

Love to Marie Osmond's family. What a tragedy.

Apparently Matt Damon has secret info that Shamu is NOT a Republican, after all.

Lady Gaga advocates celibacy while working to destroy it. Obviously she doesn't know nuns wear black underwear, tho we must be grateful she was wearing any.

"Arthur" is one of those movies that shouldn't be remade. What's next,"10"?

Thx for the photographic evidence that Carrie Fisher really was stoned out of her mind when she made Star Wars.

I can't view the video, but having seen both, can already appreciate similarities between "Jersy Shore" and "Hurt Locker."

Posted by: reddragon1 | March 2, 2010 8:39 AM | Report abuse

Welcome to the world of full-time Celebritology, Jen! In keeping with this space's tradition of mashing pairs of names together into a distinctive single moniker, I henceforth will refer to the Jen Chaney/Liz Kelly collaboration as JeLi.

"Pam Anderson, Kate Gosselin, Shannen Doherty sign on for 'Dancing with the Stars'" - and who are the stars they'll dance with?

At the risk of sounding like an armchair coroner, "Drugs? No, I'm pretty sure it was the fifteen-story fall."

Of course Matt Damon is "disappointed" by President Obama, as are we all. Shutting down SeaWorld was his single-biggest campaign promise. (But let's remember, it was President Bush who opened SeaWorld in response to his failing to catch a fish during an outing a thousand miles from there.)

"Johnny Depp wants cameo in "21 Jump Street" movie." Yeah, but then you gotta give one to Richard Grieco.

Lady Gaga says she's for celibacy. I say to Lady Gaga, "Dude..."

I thought those were just rumours about the new "Law & Order - Super G" series.

Yesterday Chynna Phillips was seeing someone about her anxiety and today she's keeping Billy Baldwin? Sounds like the hypnotist went a little overboard.

They almost got O.J. when they asked if he'd also throw in what he was wearing when he killed Nicole and Ron.

The Miss America pageant might be homeless, but it gave Trump his latest brilliant idea: The Homeless Miss America pageant.

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 2, 2010 8:45 AM | Report abuse

Poor Matt Damon - upset with Obama. I'm sure living in whatever nice house he lives in with all that money in the bank account, I feel oh so sorry for him.

Celebrities, listen up: We Don't Care About Your Political Opinions. You have an opinion about the entertainment industry - sure it might be interesting to hear. Otherwise, you are just not that interesting.

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | March 2, 2010 8:50 AM | Report abuse

Buzz Aldrin on DWTS? Of course the only song he'll dance to is "Walking on the Moon".

Sadly, Michael Collins was asked to stay behind and wait in the car.

Best caption in the Star Wars pics: Never bring an axe to a lightsaber fight.

By the way, I now want a Wookie fur rug for my living room.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | March 2, 2010 9:10 AM | Report abuse

The new format, especially the great looking banner, rawks.

Posted by: prayformojo | March 2, 2010 9:12 AM | Report abuse

Celebrities, listen up: We Don't Care About Your Political Opinions.

George Murphy, Ronald Reagan, that "Love Boat" guy from Iowa, Ahhh-nold, Jim Bunning... Sorry Chasmo, but I don't think it's gonna happen (not that I don't agree with you).

"Arthur" remake, with Russell Brand in the lead role

Here's a Friday List idea: Movie remakes that weren't half-bad (since the list of those that were better than the originals might comprise the null set).

They almost got O.J. when they asked if he'd also throw in what he was wearing when he killed Nicole and Ron.


Re "Dancing With The Stars":

If sportscaster Erin Andrews didn't like having her body exposed on video, how's she gonna feel about those DWTS costumes? There'll be at least one guy watching and voting for her, though.

OTOH, Pam Anderson might feel kind of overdressed in the DTWS costumes.

Buzz Aldrin? Have you no self-respect, man?

Johnny Depp wants cameo in "21 Jump Street" movie.

They should be so lucky.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 2, 2010 9:12 AM | Report abuse

Buzz Aldrin on DWTS? Of course the only song he'll dance to is "Walking on the Moon".

What about "Moon River," "Fly Me to the Moon," "The Moon and I," "The Best Things in Life are Free" (with its opening line, "The Moon belongs to everyone"), "Allegheny Moon," "Moon over Alabama," etc.?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 2, 2010 9:17 AM | Report abuse

Nosy - you forgot "Blue Moon"!

Posted by: JLRGG | March 2, 2010 9:35 AM | Report abuse


I am totally down with "JeLi."

Posted by: reddragon1 | March 2, 2010 9:48 AM | Report abuse

JLRGG, do you mean the sentimental or the doo-wop version?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 2, 2010 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Is JeLi pronounced like Gigli?

Posted by: atb2 | March 2, 2010 10:57 AM | Report abuse

New Hotness: While it may be legally OK for OJ to donate the suit, he'll have to find someone other than the Smithsonian- they won't be taking it. (I knew there was a reason I liked them.)

Oh snap, son.

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | March 2, 2010 11:04 AM | Report abuse

Maybe OJ's acquittal suit would be accepted by the National Museum of Crime and Punishment. After all, they took Ted Bundy's VW Beetle, to which he lured victims and where he then killed them.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 2, 2010 11:15 AM | Report abuse

From the gag me with my pacifier department....

"TLC is in the midst of a brand readjustment, aging down its audience. And Miss America was probably seen as a property that no longer completely fit with the channel's direction."

So what is that new direction? Well....

"TLC isn't completely out of the pageant business...The cabler's upcoming slate includes the Miss Turkey Trot and Miss Drumsticks Pageant on March 9, the Louisiana Yambilee Queen Pageant on March 26 and the Queen Mallard Pageant on April 2. All three come from Authentic Entertainment, the producer of TLC's "Toddlers and Tiaras" -- which features young pageant hopefuls in training."

Posted by: mdreader01 | March 2, 2010 11:47 AM | Report abuse

Is JeLi pronounced like Gigli?

Posted by: atb2


More like "jelly." As in, "Those two Celebritologists turn my legs to JeLi."

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 2, 2010 12:08 PM | Report abuse


I thought your last paragraph was a joke. Then I went to read the article....

The truth is stranger. Toddlers and Tiaras should be renamed "Mommy Dearest -- The Trailer Park version."

Posted by: dablues1 | March 2, 2010 12:22 PM | Report abuse

I really don't care what Matt Damon thinks about Sea World. But I want to know if anyone has asked Seymour and Clyde what they'll do if they lose their jobs.

You just answered my long nagging (not really) question of who does Russell Brand remind me of. A hammered Dudley Moore. Yes he's perfect for the job. Does that make Katy Perry a candidate for Liza's role? Mmmm, not so much a good fit. Lizards, any other suggestions?

Niecy Nash on DWTS? She's a hoot. Maybe I'll watch this time. Just let me know when Kate is eliminated, first.

Glee goes on tour! Wonder if they will sell Slushies at the show?

Dorkus, I was actually a little disturbed by that Chewie costume photo and the poor dead Ewoks.

Posted by: hodie | March 2, 2010 1:39 PM | Report abuse

18 years for Chynna Phillips and the Baldwin bro? Wow. Good for them for trying to work it out.

DWTS is REALLY scraping bottom now. Guess they need the money to pay for the impending Buzz Aldrin hip replacement.

Still don't understand where the Kartrashians get the $$ for their lifestyle. Guess being a dysfunctional family/skank/professional arm candy really pays well.

Posted by: Californian11 | March 2, 2010 1:44 PM | Report abuse


At least those celebrities did something - they joined the political system as politicians (which anyone can actually do). I just get tired of celebrities who spout off about how they think things should change politically without doing anything about it.

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | March 2, 2010 3:19 PM | Report abuse

Chasmo, point well-taken. There've been rumors, though, that Damon or Affleck might someday enter politics.

On today's "Fresh Air" on NPR, re the original Celebritology, "Confidential: The 'National Enquirer' Of The 1950s":

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 2, 2010 3:40 PM | Report abuse

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