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Posted at 10:20 AM ET, 03/11/2010

'Twilight: Eclipse': Breaking down the new trailer

By Jen Chaney

Now we finally have a look at "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse," the next chapter in the sweeping vampire/werewolf saga that continues to captivate/befuddle/totally annoy the nation. (Alternate title of this installment: "Bella and Edward's Big, Fat Fanged Attempt at a Wedding.")

The one-minute-and-thirty-second clip that arrives online today -- and will play in theaters this weekend in front of (surprise!) the new Robert Pattinson movie, "Remember Me" -- tells us several not terribly surprising things about what we'll see in the upcoming film. (You know, assuming you haven't pretty much figured them out after reading the very popular Stephenie Meyer book.)

Watch the clip first, then let's break it down together, shall we?

Now let's review:

Edward totally loves Bella, enough to take her to a beautiful field full of flowers while melodramatic piano music plays. Also, he remains as pale as a Goth guy dressed up as Powder for Halloween. But he's still kind of hot.

"The Vulturi don't give second chances." This is made very, very clear during the trailer, particularly during the scene in which Dakota Fanning says, "The Vulturi don't give second chances." Implication: Both Edward and Bella will take a huge, romantic risk if they go through with this whole cockamamie vampire wedding thing.

Jacob (Taylor Lautner) is going to fight for Bella, evidently until "her heart stops beating." Which would sound a little scary and sexy-menacing, if anyone other than Taylor Lautner said it. Is it me, or does he still remind you of a really good-hearted Mouseketeer instead of a werewolf?

As he did in "The Twilight Saga: New Moon," Lautner will spend at least some portion of this movie without a shirt. And no, it's not gratuitous. Seeing his bare chest is crucial to the narrative, for reasons that really should be obvious by now.

Bryce Dallas Howard is the new Victoria -- and that crazy, raven-haired vampire chick can leap really far! Which probably isn't a good sign for Bella and Edward since, you know, she doesn't like them very much and, on top of that, is still pretty ticked about that whole "Lady in the Water" fiasco.

So in conclusion, it seems abundantly clear that "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse" will be very much like the other "Twilight" movies that have preceded it. Which, depending on your perspective, is either: a. the best news you'll hear all week, or b. a warning that come the week of June 30, when this movie releases in theaters, you'll want to go to a place where vampy "Twilight" fans won't dare to tread. Like maybe a sunny beach. Or a store that isn't a Hot Topic.

By Jen Chaney  | March 11, 2010; 10:20 AM ET
Categories:  Pop Culture  
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Next: Twits Quiz: Eva Longoria, Snooki, Jessica Simpson, Kevin Nealon

Comments

Could someone please explain the appeal of these movies? I don't get it at all. I sort of get the Vampire thing, but OMG Kristen Stewart is the absolute most painful celebrity. She appears ungrateful and annoyed all the time. Must be such a rough life. Go away already.

Posted by: Laura118 | March 11, 2010 10:35 AM | Report abuse

The first movie (the only one I've seen) was one of the worst pieces of dreck I've seen in years and I'm counting that Lost In Space remake with Joey in it and the last Indiana Jones misfortune. That actress is TERRIBLE.

That said....I'm going to out myself as having read the books when I sat at the hospital with a sick relative, and say that Jacob said that about "I'll love you until your heart stops beating" because Bella is making a choice to become a vampire, at which point her heart will stop even though she's up walking around.

Posted by: sarahabc | March 11, 2010 10:52 AM | Report abuse

No, no, Jen! It's not the crazy vampire wedding that the Volturi object to, it's that Bella isn't yet a blood-thirsty vampire! Gasp! Didn't you read the books???

Plus, I think you mean "red" not "raven" to describe the "new" Victoria, who, at least in this glimpse, looks about the same as the "old."

I find the books and movies entertaining and fun. If it's not your deal, then don't watch or read 'em, people!

Posted by: carol_b77 | March 11, 2010 11:00 AM | Report abuse

I agree the first movie was terrible, the second one got better and I am hoping the third one is even better. If you haven't read the books then you don't know that they are trying to stay as close to the books as possible (or making it seem that way) and they are getting better for it. I was surprised at myself for taking a chance to see the second movie because I was so horrified by the first. I am not a fan of the people playing the parts but it does keep getting a little bit better.

Posted by: kayleenelizabeth79 | March 11, 2010 11:06 AM | Report abuse

One thing these twilight movies have got right is churning them out in a pace that keeps their fans interested. I mean I liked the Harry Potter books and the movies but now its been like 10 years since the first movie, 2 years since the last movie, and 3 years since the last book came out - I'm kind of over it even though I didn't want to be over it. Now with Twilight, I like the movies less but they keep my interest by putting them out close enough together so that I think - oh yeah I just saw the last one I guess I'll see this one to see what hapens next.

Posted by: sjcpeach | March 11, 2010 11:48 AM | Report abuse

First of all, the author has the whole point to this movie completely messed up. This movie isn't about Edward and Bella's wedding, and that is not what the Volturi means when they say they are not up for 2nd chances. The Volturi could careless if they get married or not, what they care about is that she is not yet a vampire, which the Cullen's promised to turn her when they left the Volturi in New Moon. This movie is a fight to protect Bella from the new born vampires that are out to get Bella because of Victoria and its also about the decision Bella has to make in choosing Edward or Jacob. The whole wedding thing only comes up because Edward does want to marry Bella, but the book Eclipse is not centered around the wedding and the movie shouldnt be either. And to those that don't like the Twilight Saga, don't read it or watch the movies if you don't like it. The first movie was pretty bad but thats why they switched directors and the 2nd is a whole lot better!!

Posted by: cntryluvinangel | March 11, 2010 12:30 PM | Report abuse

As previously mentioned, the movie points are inaccurate. Reading the books would have helped with this breakdown.

Very disappointed....

Posted by: newbie10 | March 11, 2010 12:57 PM | Report abuse

Let me tell you how good the first Twilight movie was -- with the help of Rifftrax. Holy crap. Unwatchable movies become hysterical. Or at least good for a joke. I'd strongly advise adding some friends with at least some alcohol to the mix, because RiffTrax, like beer, really is better when shared (now scotch on the other hand...)

Posted by: capecodner424 | March 11, 2010 1:26 PM | Report abuse

I agree with the majority of what was said and the main reason New Moon is better than Twilight is the fact that Robert Pattinson wasn't in it as much AND someone gave Kristen Stewart acting lessons, THANK GOD! Now I've read the books and I like them and will most likely see Eclipse, either in the theater or renting the movie. Now Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is a good movie and nothing like Twilight. It's pretty much a dark comedy and I recommend watching it, no matter how old you are.

Posted by: ohlucke7 | March 11, 2010 3:56 PM | Report abuse

Halleluvah for getting a hot broody guy to play Edward in that first movie! Or else the whole franchise would be flip and flops. Somebody tell Kristen she really need some acting lesson, she acts her self in the movie. Stephenie Meyer was a good story teller I must admit her 4 books were captivating, thrilling, entertaining to read. But books that turned into a movie is bad. Mostly. They always turn the story cheap! Badly edited, and the moviegoers cheated. I guess moviegoers they never mind, as long as this hondsome pattinson is in there. I'm not excited with the movie, I'd rather re-read the book "Eclipse" than watch it.

Posted by: Vampyr | March 12, 2010 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Jen Cheney, have you read the books or watched the first two movies? Your article is horrible. Edward loves Bella more than his own life. The meadow scene is at the end of the movie after the battle and danger is over. The statement that the Volturi don't give second chances is either directed towards Bree and her breaking the vampire rules -or- spoken to Edward as a warning to change Bella into a vampire before they return. Victoria isn't ticked off because of the whole lady in the water scene but rather that Bella's mate killed her mate. I am a huge fan of the twilight series and to have someone with so little knowledge of the series report of the movie is offensive.

Posted by: angieerickson | March 15, 2010 9:57 AM | Report abuse

This article is disturbing. Putting aside the fact that it was full of gramatical errors, poorly written, and unprofessional; the author had obviously not even attempted to research the material she was writing about. It is frightening to me that authors, such as this one, compose an article like the one above that is nothing more than speculation and opinion; but far worse, that the public reads these inaccurate "yarns" and accepts them as fact, no questions asked. If I were her editor, coffee would be the only thing I entrusted her with in the future.

Posted by: dawn5423 | March 17, 2010 3:13 PM | Report abuse

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