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Posted at 7:49 AM ET, 04/ 8/2010

Jon Gosselin seeks custody of kids; Jesse James denies sex tape

By Liz Kelly and Jen Chaney
Thursday

Celebrity Beat: Jon Gosselin sues for custody of his eight children... TLC announces Kate Gosselin's next project, "Twist of Kate"... Jesse James joins Sandra Bullock in denying existence of sex tape... Lindsay Lohan says dad's engagement makes her want to vomit (wait until she hears they're already trying for a baby)... Slash wears Team Coco button on Jay Leno show performance... Eva Longoria Parker says Nicollette Sheridan and Marc Cherry had a "thing onset"... Madonna takes son David Banda back to visit Malawi orphanage... M.I.A. disses Lady Gaga, calling her "not progressive" and a "good mimic"... Whitney Houston says allergies, not drugs, caused hospitalization... Shania Twain signs on for reality show charting her "climb back to the top"... Giuliana and Bill Rancic land marriage advice book deal... Bradley Cooper sports long locks on set of "The Dark Fields"... Cyndi Lauper plans shelter for homeless gay youths... Dustin "Screech" Diamond facing home foreclosure (again)... Chris Meloni not leaving "Law & Order: SVU"... Martina Navratilova battling breast cancer.

"Mad Men's" cast and crew take leave of their senses to give "Bye Bye Birdie" the karaoke treatment...

Crime Watch: Lawyers again ask California court to sentence Roman Polanski in absentia.

Rumor Mill: Nicolas Cage loses Malibu properties to bank... Tiger Woods slept with neighbor's 21-year-old daughter, claims Radar Online... According to Star magazine, Jim Carrey's depression led to split from Jenny McCarthy... Jake Gyllenhaal dating Australian actress Isabel Lucas?... Prince William set to propose to girlfriend Kate Middleton?... "Gossip Girl" co-stars Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr split... Susan Sarandon steps out with ping-pong magnate.

Pop Culture Mix: Oprah Winfrey to announce today that she will host an evening show on her new cable network; name: "Oprah's Next Chapter"... Bill Condon emerges as front-runner to direct "Breaking Dawn"... University to offer master's in vampire literature... Harrison Ford confirmed for "Cowboys & Aliens ... Yes, they're making a movie based on the game "Battleship," and yes, the handsome Taylor Kitsch is set to star... Maura Tierney returns to TV after breast cancer battle... Actor Christopher Cazenove passes away, making him the second "Dynasty" cast member to die in the past week... San Diego approves expansion of convention center, makes play to keep Comic-Con... Watch a new trailer for the "Nightmare on Elm Street" remake, but for God's sake, don't fall asleep.

The new, destined-to-be-controversial Nike ad that features Tiger Woods and the voice of his late father, Earl Woods:

And a new PSA starring Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green, speaking out against school budget cuts in California (for Funny or Die):

Chat Day! Join us at 2 p.m. ET for this week's Celebritology Live discussion.

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By Liz Kelly and Jen Chaney  | April 8, 2010; 7:49 AM ET
Categories:  Daily Mix  | Tags:  Eva Longoria Parker, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Lindsay Lohan, Shania Twain, Whitney Houston  
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Next: Jon vs. Kate: The Gosselins square off over child custody

Comments

A wise judge would award custody of the 8 kids to Jon Gosselin's NJ imposter: the kids would get a better class of parent and the imposter would learn not to impersonate Jon Gosselin.


"Jesse James joins Sandra Bullock in denying existence of sex tape." If the rules for denying relationship trouble also apply here, we know we're in for some Ick. Nast. video...


"Lindsay Lohan says dad's engagement makes her want to vomit." Or maybe that's just the Antabuse talking.


I think I can speak for Dorkus and Sas when I say that we'd love to see Shania Twain on top.


"Nicolas Cage loses Malibu properties to bank." Did he really think the blond hair was going to convince them the places were now owned by a rich surfer dude?


Aristotle Onassis was a shipping magnate, but he had a fleet. How does one qualify for ping-pong magnate-ism? How many tables, paddles and balls must one have to be a ping-pong magnate? And wouldn't that constant thwocka-thwocka-thwocka noise drive you crazy?


"Twist of Kate"? "Oprah's Next Chapter"? All the creative types in H'wood must be working on making "Battleship: WTF? A Movie?" the shining meisterwerk it is destined to be.

Posted by: byoolin1 | April 8, 2010 8:48 AM | Report abuse

Thanks to yesterday late afternoon's Lizards, for having my back; oh wait, that's an infelicitous choice of words nowadays. You guys are my soulmates; nope, can't use that one anymore, either. Oh well, sometimes when one encounters horse droppings, there really IS a pony!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 8, 2010 9:04 AM | Report abuse

JeLi, I know by its very nature that Celebritology is going to be filled with a-holes pretty regularly, but we don't need 'em in the comments too. Is there a way to get nikejordans1 permanently blocked?

Posted by: byoolin1 | April 8, 2010 9:19 AM | Report abuse

Per the vampires MS:

It's funny. My neighbor went back to school to get a teaching degree, and she had to come up (along with a group) for a lesson plan on a book. The kids chose "Twilight", and she told me after the fact that she had been racking her brain for a topic to contribute.

I said the first thing that came to mind: the history of vampires in popular literature (culture if she was allowed to push it). There's tons of 'em, each with their own spin. She literally slapped her head and went "duh" (they had been trying to tie in just overall plain literary themes).

I don't know that there's enough for a Master's degree, but there sure as hell is enough material for a really interesting class.

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | April 8, 2010 9:43 AM | Report abuse

Working on it, Byoo...

Posted by: Liz Kelly | April 8, 2010 9:48 AM | Report abuse

Byoolin's observation about Shania Twain's position is correct.

Whitney Houston claims she has allergies. Has she consulted a allergist to find out if there is treatment for an allergy to cocaine smoke?

Susan Sarandon dating a ping-pong magnet...err...magnate. I take it that she has a great time taking her paddle to his balls.

How many women does this make for Tiger Woods? When the count reaches 18, he will have had enough for a private golf course.

Right now the CEO of the University of Phoenix is ranting, "An MA in vampire literature!! Why didn't we think of that? Bloody hell!!!"

Why do I have this terrible fear that Bob Dylan will sing the theme to "Twist of Kate"? Gene Weingarten would like that.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 8, 2010 9:48 AM | Report abuse

Not saying I don't agree w/what they're saying, but if the actual options were "funny" or "die," they'd pretty much be dead!

Posted by: talleyl | April 8, 2010 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Titles Rejected By TLC Before They Picked "Twist of Kate":


If I Knew You Were Coming, I'd Have Baked A Kate
Kate Is Enough
Thin Line Between Love and Kate
You Can't Fire Me, I Kate
Kate Her? I Don't Even Know Her!
... Just Don't Call Me Kate For Dinner
If You Think *This* Is Kate, You Should See What's On The Discovery Channel

Posted by: byoolin1 | April 8, 2010 9:58 AM | Report abuse

Sorry to be late in this (yesterday was a busy day for lurking)

Ick NAST!!!!!!!

Thursday love to nosy-p

PS Little Lurker is getting big - blowing raspberries and belly laughing - Liz you have some serious fun ahead of you!!!!

Posted by: LTL1 | April 8, 2010 10:07 AM | Report abuse

Ah, thanks, LTL. Glad to hear that LTL's doing so well. He sounds like a Lizard-in-training! Hope you're holding up OK too (though I bet you're awfully tired).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 8, 2010 10:20 AM | Report abuse

Oops: Glad to hear that Little Lurker's doing so well...

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 8, 2010 10:28 AM | Report abuse

Byoolin's observation about Shania Twain's position is correct.

Whitney Houston claims she has allergies. Has she consulted a allergist to find out if there is treatment for an allergy to cocaine smoke?

Susan Sarandon dating a ping-pong magnet...err...magnate. I take it that she has a great time taking her paddle to his balls.

How many women does this make for Tiger Woods? When the count reaches 18, he will have had enough for a private golf course.

Right now the CEO of the University of Phoenix is ranting, "An MA in vampire literature!! Why didn't we think of that? Bloody hell!!!"

Why do I have this terrible fear that Bob Dylan will sing the theme to "Twist of Kate"? Gene Weingarten would like that.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | April 8, 2010 10:50 AM | Report abuse

RIP Christopher Cazenove.

Posted by: jezebel3 | April 8, 2010 11:41 AM | Report abuse

if the actual options were "funny" or "die," they'd pretty much be dead!

Posted by: talleyl | April 8, 2010 9:50 AM |


Seconded! When did funny or die stop ever being funny? Wouldn't there be a funnier take on this? It was dull, predictable and had a school-marm tone. Dead.

Posted by: Amelia5 | April 8, 2010 12:19 PM | Report abuse

I could watch Megan Fox read the phone book all day. You know, so long as I don't actually have the sound turned on.

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | April 8, 2010 1:06 PM | Report abuse

LOL, Nosy!

"Is there a way to get nikejordans1 permanently blocked?" ... May I suggest just not feeding the monster. Maybe the trolls will go have their fun on the OP blog.

There are ping-pong clubs? Seriously? Wow, learn something new every day.

Since Tiger has slept with everything but the kitchen sink, I'm guessing the neighbor's kid is just one of many (more) to come.

"Giuliana and Bill Rancic land marriage advice book deal" ... OK, now *I* want to vomit.

Yay for Maura Tierney!!!

Posted by: Californian11 | April 8, 2010 1:50 PM | Report abuse

Glad to hear Maura Tierney's getting back to work! I'm sure it's because of all the Lizard Lurve we've been sending her.

LiLo, we're right there vomiting with you.

And I'm casting my vote, albeit late, for ICK NAST. Long may it live.

Posted by: jaybbub | April 8, 2010 2:53 PM | Report abuse

Okay, maybe I'm dating myself here, but all during yesterday's reliable source chat with the references to Reggie Love (who I take it is one of Obama's bodyguards and basketball buddies and wants to go to law school or something of the sort) I just kept WAITING for someone to make a Susan Sarandon/The Client reference.

I can still hear Tommy Lee Jones calling her "Ms. Love" and her patiently correcting him "Reggie" all with lovely southern accents.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | April 8, 2010 4:11 PM | Report abuse

sorcerors_cat, Thank you, thank you, thank you! I knew I recognized the name Reggie Love from somewhere, but it was definitely NOT Duke basketball (LOL!).

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | April 8, 2010 5:32 PM | Report abuse

You're welcome! So glad I wasn't the only one thinking "Reggie Love...lawyer....aha!" And I loved her in that movie.

Posted by: sorcerers_cat | April 8, 2010 6:51 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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