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Posted at 12:14 PM ET, 06/ 4/2010

Friday List: A 'Celebrity Rehab' dream team?

By Jen Chaney and Liz Kelly

Dr. Drew Pinsky is having a heck of a time recruiting actual celebrities to star in a fourth season of his popular VH1 reality show "Celebrity Rehab." In the past week alone, both Fergie (Duchess of York) and Liza Minnelli have either turned down offers to appear on the show or denied that they've even been approached. Ditto for Lindsay Lohan, who rebuffed an alleged $1 million offer weeks before she was ordered to wear a SCRAM alcohol-monitoring bracelet.


Tila Tequila.

So far, the cast is looking, well, a bit thin on star power. Tila Tequila has signed on to deal with an unspecified addiction (perhaps to Twitter?), habitual DUI-er and former "Hills" cast member Jason Wahler is also in, along with Playboy playmate Shauna Sand and, allegedly as of this morning, Pointer Sister Bonnie Pointer.

Has Dr. Drew exhausted Hollywood's supply of chemically-addled celebs (and quasi-celebs) or, after three seasons of watching the likes of Daniel Baldwin, Brigitte Nielson, Jeff Conaway, Gary Busey, Heidi Fleiss, Tom Sizemore and Dennis Rodman whine their way through a cushy 28-day program, are celebs just unwilling to sign up for the humiliation?

In the interest of being (as ever ) helpful, Jen and I have assembled a list of potential candidates for Dr. Drew to pursue. Remember, the stars need not be currently using (Mackenzie Phillips joined season three as a kind of mentor) or even admitted addicts (Dennis Rodman never quite copped to having a supposed drinking problem). And, since alleged sex addicts -- like one-time Miss Teen USA Kari Ann Peniche -- are also fair game we thought we'd open up the nominee field to addicts of any kind.

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt: You loved them on "The Hills" and "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here." Now love them as Montag works through her addiction to plastic surgery and Pratt battles the demons that make him such a [D-word that rhymes with whoosh].

David Hasselhoff: While the Hoff has sworn he doesn't have a problem with booze, repeated emergency room visits, 911 calls and this video make us think he could benefit from a little face-time with Dr. Drew:

Courtney Love: Though she's back at work on stage and actually looked pretty fab earlier this week at a Metropolitan Museum of Art event, the fact remains that Love -- who has battled addiction in the past -- may be jeopardizing her relationship with daughter Frances Bean Cobain. In December 2009, a judge appointed Love's mother and sister as temporary guardians of the 17-year-old after Love refused to follow a judge's order to refrain from posting whacky Twitter diatribes.

Joaquin Phoenix: In October 2008, Phoenix announced he was giving up his successful acting career to become a rapper and grow a monster of a beard. Based on the clip below, Joaquin has got to be smoking something to think he has a future in rap. Although, of course, his entire tweeked-out persona could be part of an act crafted for the benefit of brother-in-law Casey Affleck's documentary "I'm Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix." If it is, that makes him an even more intriguing (and meta) Celebrity Rehab choice.

Paula Abdul: After years of denying a problem, the sometimes loopy Abdul (see Paula's appearance on a local news show from 2007 below) in 2009 admitted she'd kicked a 12-year addiction to painkillers. We think that while reaffirming her own commitment to staying clean, she'd make a fab mentor for the rest of the cast.

Colin Farrell: Farrell has publicly acknowledged that his life once was a sea of drugs, drinking and bedding all manner of women. But now fully rehabbed, settled down and doing some excellent work on the big screen, he, too, would make an excellent mentor to Dr. Drew's crew. Of course, he's probably way too A-list to even consider it. But we'd definitely watch if he jumped on board.

Mischa Barton: The former "O.C." star hasn't had an easy time of it lately. After being charged with DUI a couple of years ago, she's struggled to find a new TV series ("The Beautiful Life" was canceled in about two seconds flat) and she's been ridiculed repeatedly in the press for allegedly gaining weight. Her oh-so-classy ex-boyfriend Brandon Davis was even kind enough to recently call her "1 of the fattest people in [sic] the planet" on Twitter, which makes us wonder how many of planet Earth's actual inhabitants he's directly encountered. Even if Barton has moved beyond the issues that led to that DUI, we have to think she could benefit from some me time, and a major self-esteem boost courtesy of Dr. Drew.

Jesse James: In his interview on Nightline, the soon-to-be-former Mr. Sandra Bullock said he doesn't technically suffer from a sex addiction. But at the very least, James has an addiction to doing really stupid stuff, a fact he more or less admitted in that same interview, as well as issues with his father. All of which makes for plenty of baggage to work through in a convenient reality-show format.

Mel Gibson: We all remember what happened when excess drinking got the best of Braveheart Man. Clearly he's moved onward and upward since then. But just imagine how much Tila Tequila could learn from the lessons Gibson might impart? ("For starters, everyone, if you're about to be arrested for driving under the influence, don't refer to one of the arresting officers as sugar...")


Barney Gumble:
Hey, who says "Celebrity Rehab" can't include an animated character on the show? It would be a great promotional opportunity for "The Simpsons" and a chance to finally dry out the man who surely holds the record for the longest-running drinking binge in cartoon history. Just watch this video. Come on. That's a cry for help.

By Jen Chaney and Liz Kelly  | June 4, 2010; 12:14 PM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Friday Lists  | Tags:  Celebrity Rehab  
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Comments

What, no David Duchovny?

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | June 4, 2010 12:31 PM | Report abuse

You forgot Jonathan Rhys Myers. He is ripe for the taking after a recently airport meltdown.

Posted by: amwatson1 | June 4, 2010 12:32 PM | Report abuse

Tiger Woods! Sex addiction.

Gary Busey. If Paula can be rehabbed from mental illnes, so can Gary.

Sean Penn. He sees dead people.

Posted by: reddragon1 | June 4, 2010 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Courtney Love & the Hoff, excellent choices!!

I'd never wanna give Heincer any more air/face/print time than they already get.

Posted by: wadejg | June 4, 2010 12:59 PM | Report abuse

Ooh I might actually watch the show if Jonathan Rhys Myers was on it! Good one!

I also like the idea of the Hoff.

Posted by: sjcpeach | June 4, 2010 1:09 PM | Report abuse

I'm pre-emptively nominating Miley Cyrus. Let's face it, she's headed down that path.

and this Kelly Bensimon whackadoodle:
http://www.hulu.com/watch/151350/the-real-housewives-of-new-york-city-alex-the-vampire

Let's not forget the "child collectors" Angelina & Octomom.

Posted by: anonymouslurker | June 4, 2010 1:11 PM | Report abuse

Real Housewives qualify automatically. Also anyone who appears on Wife Swap.

Woody Allen. Morgan Freeman. Billy Ray. I don't have to tell you what for.

Posted by: reddragon1 | June 4, 2010 1:18 PM | Report abuse

Don't forget Ryan O'Neal, reddragon.

Courtney Love looking pretty fab? Um, did I miss something? Her face looks like silly putty.

Posted by: Californian11 | June 4, 2010 1:21 PM | Report abuse

Gotta be Robt. Downey , Jr for the win.

Posted by: rjfowler2 | June 4, 2010 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Treating cartoon characters is all the likes of the sanctimonious, deluded creep Dr. Drew should be allowed to do. Any so-called doctor who recommends that addicts should be framed for arrest is beyond sick himself. What universe does he live in where it is OK to frame your loved ones so that they can be thrown in jail? Jail is one of the least likely places to get good medical treatment & the addict will have a permanent felony record to boot. Good looking out for addicts, Dr. Drew! Why not advocate for more access to effective treatment facilities rather than setting up your loved ones to do hard time in order to "save" them.
Someone please save the unsuspecting public from such "helpers" as Dr. Drew, Dr. Arnold Klein of Michael Jackson infamy, the loony doctor who supplied Elvis Presley with endless supplies of opiates but not attributes his untimely death to "extreme constipation", etc. God help us if we need to depend on these sorts of egomaniacal clowns for help with our medical needs. Dr. Drew should be banned from the public airwaves for the good of society.

Posted by: ksun1 | June 4, 2010 2:06 PM | Report abuse

Meant to say Elvis' doctor now attributes his death to "extreme constipation".

Posted by: ksun1 | June 4, 2010 2:09 PM | Report abuse

ksun, sounds like a new reality series dealing with whacked out drs.

Cali11, Ryan O'Neal is in a special clueless category, from which rehab may not be possible. The others all recognized their children/stepchildren/grandchildren.

Posted by: reddragon1 | June 4, 2010 2:29 PM | Report abuse

I know this is all kind of fun and games (and honestly I've never seen an episode) but the idea of being a celebrity who's conflating your illness with an attempt at fame...it just makes me itch. It all seems like a farce at the expense of the health of the people involved.

Having said that, I completely agree with getting Heidi Montag in there for some body image therapy. And I'd be willing to authorize electroshock for Spencer Pratt. He's such a (glass bowl).

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | June 4, 2010 2:49 PM | Report abuse

It's no wonder most celeb women are anorexic and insane about their weight, given what's being written about poor Mischa Barton. She actually looks better than she used to now that she's put on a few much-needed pounds. And greasy gross Brandon Davis of all people making fun of her? Has that guy ever looked in a mirror?

Posted by: Californian11 | June 4, 2010 3:40 PM | Report abuse

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