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Posted at 8:19 AM ET, 07/ 7/2010

Dina Lohan shocked by Lindsay Lohan's jail sentence; Tipper Gore reportedly isn't buying masseuse story

By Jen Chaney
Wednesday

Celebrity Beat: Dina Lohan shocked by 90-day jail sentence for daughter Lindsay Lohan; Lohan reportedly "freaking out" over punishment; and apparently a NSFW message was written on Lohan's fingernails while she was in court... Tipper Gore tells sources, who tell People Magazine, that she isn't buying masseuse accusations... Pregnant Alicia Keys falls onstage, but she and baby are doing fine... Dean McDermott leaves hospital after week of recovery from motorcycle accident... Smells like John McClane: The "Bruce Willis" cologne goes on sale today.... Then again, maybe it smells like Legolas: Orlando Bloom is face of new Hugo Boss fragrance... Singer Cheryl Cole attempting to recover from malaria... "Bachlorette" couple Jillian Harris and Ed Swiderski split... Toddlers of "Real Housewives of O.C." star Alexis Bellino rescued from pool over holiday weekend.

Video: A medley of "Mad Men" pick-up lines:

Pop Culture Mix: "Bond 23" reportedly officially canceled... Filmmaker "Ridley Scott and Kevin Macdonald" team up for first ever user-generated YouTube documentary... Henry Ian Cusick -- Desmond from "Lost" -- signs on for at least two episodes of "Law & Order: SVU"... Women of "The Daily Show" respond, in letter form, to Jezebel article claiming sexist work environment.

By Jen Chaney  | July 7, 2010; 8:19 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Daily Mix, Lindsay Lohan, Pop Culture  
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Comments

Dina Lohan says she's shocked by the 90-day jail sentence, but that's still the square she took in the office pool.


NSFW message on Lohan's fingernails: She's channelling Robert Mitchum in "Night Of The Hunter" (or perhaps Sideshow Bob in "The Simpsons").


"Bruce Willis" cologne: a.k.a., "Yippee-Ky-What-IS-That-Smell?"

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 7, 2010 8:37 AM | Report abuse

I'm so sick of hearing about Lindsey Lohan and her problems. She's just another cute kid actor who's parents have enabled her to spiral down the party girl path and never take responsibility for her actions. And she will continue to do so until she dies or kills someone. Her mother being "shocked" is part of the problem. She won't serve the full 90 days in jail - the celebs (and I use that term loosely) never do, and she probably won't be in the treatment facility for the full 90 days either, and she'll go back to her partying, boozing and wearing somebody else's coke pants ways soon after.

Posted by: luvlydawter | July 7, 2010 9:05 AM | Report abuse

and wearing somebody else's coke pants Posted by: luvlydawter

Huh?

Does anyone recall whether Paris Hilton served the whole term of her sentence? I seem to think she did.

To be fair, I think that the shock is that Lindsey believed that if she was in compliance with the May order, then she was good. As far as I can tell from the reported testimony, she HAS been in compliance since May, but it was all the noncompliant times previous to that order that have resulted in incarceration. So, what I think happened here is that in May the judge said, "get it together or you will go to jail", but did NOT say, "if you get it together then you won't go to jail"...it's subtle and the lawyer should have explained it to Lohan but probably did not.

In the end, I hope going to jail will do for Lilo what it appears to have done for Paris. She may be a skanque, but I hate to see anyone slowly kill themselves like she has been doing.

Posted by: VaLGaL | July 7, 2010 9:19 AM | Report abuse

I am shocked, shocked that they would actually send someone to jail for repeatly breaking the law!

LiLo meet your new BFF, Large Marge!

Posted by: elias_howe | July 7, 2010 9:28 AM | Report abuse

Right Tipper! Just like Bill Clinton didn't have sex with that girl! Guess you unloaded fat AL because he eats to many cheeseburgers.

Posted by: Jimbo77 | July 7, 2010 9:31 AM | Report abuse

"Dina Lohan shocked by 90-day jail sentence for daughter Lindsay Lohan" -- She even dropped her margarita right off the edge of the tanning bed.

"Tipper Gore tells sources, who tell People Magazine, that she isn't buying masseuse accusations" -- Seriously. Whoever heard of eco-friendly massage oil?

"'Bruce Willis' cologne goes on sale today" -- For the man who wants to smell like twelve monkeys.

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | July 7, 2010 9:34 AM | Report abuse

Yeah Dina was shocked at the sentence, but apparently Michael Lohan said 'Whatever, I do 90 days in jail standing on my head.'

Are we really that shocked that a Bachelor/Bachelorette couple split?

I'm with Tipper on this one, I mean do really think a guy that stiff has ever been to a masseuse?

Posted by: DorkusMaximus1 | July 7, 2010 9:39 AM | Report abuse

Smells like John McClane: The "Bruce Willis" cologne goes on sale today.

Still need more caffeine this AM, because I read this as, "Smells like John McCain..." (which I assume is still preferable to smelling like moose, or Wasilla salmon vodka).


Elias, you missed the festivities here on Lizard Island last week when some of us were inventing celebrity ice cream flavors (in the tradition of Cherry Garcia). How about in your honor, "Elias, and Howe," combining cotton candy and gin?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 7, 2010 9:40 AM | Report abuse

Not to put too fine a point on it, but we don't judge what your wife says about you, Jimbo, based on who your boss had sex with fifteen years ago.

Also, it's "too." As in, "too many" G*d-d*mned cheeseburgers.

Finally, you seem to assume that *she* dumped *him*. Who knows - maybe Al woke up one morning and thought to himself, "Frank Zappa was right about her, and I hatehatehate those damn 'parental advisory' stickers all over my Wu-Tang CDs."

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 7, 2010 9:43 AM | Report abuse

Ohhhh! Jane Velez is going to have a field day with this news on her show "Issues" tonight. She is a recovering alcoholic with 15 years of sobriety and has little patience for Lindsay's shenanigans!!!! This should be fun--I'm watching--I'm addicted!!Ha!

Posted by: JVMfan | July 7, 2010 9:45 AM | Report abuse

Tipper Tapioca, a real taste treat?

And as old Elias would say, "Keep your cotton pickin' hands off my gin!"

Posted by: elias_howe | July 7, 2010 9:46 AM | Report abuse

Ohhhh! Jane Velez is going to have a field day with this news on her show "Issues" tonight. She is a recovering alcoholic with 15 years of sobriety and has little patience for Lindsay's shenanigans!!!! This should be fun--I'm watching--I'm addicted!!Ha!

Posted by: JVMfan | July 7, 2010 9:47 AM | Report abuse

Don't miss Pookie's great column today, "Let's pump some life into Emmys with new, improved categories." Doubtless Lizards will like this one:

"Best Swanking Around Achievement Award, a.k.a. Who Died and Made Her Queen?

"It's a cinch that 'Grey's Anatomy's' Katherine Heigl would win in this category."


There was also the obligatory references to NPH (yay!) and to "Lost" (split decision).
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/07/06/AR2010070604545_2.html

byoolin, did you, like the Queen, experience the big power outage in Toronto the other day? Does the Eastern heatwave extend that far north?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 7, 2010 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Of course Dina Lohan is shocked by the Lindsay Lohan jail verdict. She thinks she's a good mother, so anything approaching reality is pretty shocking for her.

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | July 7, 2010 10:12 AM | Report abuse

Of course Tipper doesn't believe the masseuse's accusations. She's always thought Al was more of a sex crazed chihuaha.

Dina is surprised that LiLo got jail, not that she violated her probation by being irresponsible.

Posted by: epjd | July 7, 2010 10:17 AM | Report abuse

One gets the sense that Dina Lohan is to "anything approaching reality" as matter is to antimatter.

Posted by: byoolin1 | July 7, 2010 10:19 AM | Report abuse

LieLow LaidLow.

Sick Sense: I smell dead people.

Once Tipper started hangin' out with Gail Zappa (Frank's wife) & bangin' the drums on daughter Diva's album, the Stiff One needed a massage.

If Bruce Springsteen ever takes over for Orlando Bloom, this Jersey Boy will pack it in.

Posted by: kabuki3 | July 7, 2010 10:20 AM | Report abuse

Speaking of boaters, did anyone see that steamship that the Queen was wearing at the UN yesterday?

I think that 100 satin trees must have given up their lifes for that hat!

Posted by: elias_howe | July 7, 2010 10:25 AM | Report abuse

Dear Lindsay

Millions of people today have real working jobs and their families depend on those jobs, but yet, they screw up something with the law and they end loosing those jobs, loosing support to their families and loosing their families and friends.

You Lindsay, you don't have real working job and you won't loose your job, and you don't have family that depends on you and you won't loose your friends and family over 90 days in jail. What is even worse, you probably won't learn anything out of that jail and you're gonna keep wasting your money on garbage that kills you.

Face it like a millions of Americans less guilty than you, AND SHUT UP!

Posted by: BOBSTERII | July 7, 2010 10:35 AM | Report abuse

Thanks for that Mad Men fix. Now that I don't have Lost anymore, Mad Men is all I've got left to obsess over.

Posted by: wadejg | July 7, 2010 10:48 AM | Report abuse

Elias,

I KNEW that you had thought of the cotton gin first (before that Whitney person got one built and marketed), but your machine was designed to automatically stuff a cotton ball into the neck of a gin bottle. Correct?

LiLo should do fine in jail: she likes being behind (or in front of) bars.

Yours in carceration,

Curmudgeon

Oh, and keep your chins up, Tipper.

Posted by: bmschumacher | July 7, 2010 11:07 AM | Report abuse

BOBSTERII:

I don't mean to be snarky or a spelling nazi - especially because your point is a valid one - but people don't "loose" their jobs - they lose them. It's a repeated typo, it's distracting, and I don't want you to lose your job as you lack a sense of grammar.

People loosen knots or their ties. Or in Lindsay Lohan's case - loosely interpret their probation terms ;)

Posted by: Chasmosaur1 | July 7, 2010 11:42 AM | Report abuse

playwright larry myers'
"Lindsay lohan's mistakes tree'
is in rep at
global fringe festival
at saval space
with "edgar cayce's autograph" (about gulf oil spill & dr myers went there in person recentkly)
also
"facebook puberty"
and
"lady gaga's guidebook for living"
myers met lohan at a baird jones tribute party at webster hall
hosted by hoop

Posted by: dramaman | July 7, 2010 12:10 PM | Report abuse

Hee hee -- I read the same thing, Nosy, and I'm on my 2nd cup of tea ...

I'm shocked too, but probably for different reasons than ole Dina. I'm shocked b/c I figured as a celebrity, she'd get a slap on the wrist.

I'm no expert in addiction, but I doubt rehab will be any more than a temporary Band-Aid. The addict has to WANT to get clean.

Posted by: Californian11 | July 7, 2010 1:06 PM | Report abuse

Lindsay Lohan needs someone to come down on her and it seems it has to be the judge. She likely saved Lohan's life. She is out of control. Her attorney, mother and father are all enablers. She should have gotten twice the sentence.

Wake up, Tipper. You are well rid of Al. He has character flaws and you deserve better. His world is spiraling down very fast. Thank heavens he was not elected president.

Posted by: lin1945 | July 7, 2010 1:37 PM | Report abuse

To Val Gal: LiLo got busted with cocaine in her pants and claimed she was wearing someone else's pants, so that's what I menat by "wearing somebody else's coke pants"

Posted by: luvlydawter | July 7, 2010 2:13 PM | Report abuse

Um lin, he *was* elected president. It was thanks to Antonin Scalia we got Shrub in 2000.

Posted by: Californian11 | July 7, 2010 3:31 PM | Report abuse

Cali, you're a Molly Ivins fan too? Goodness, I do miss her.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 7, 2010 3:45 PM | Report abuse

thanks for explanation - I don't recall that particular episode, and, yeah, I doubt the veracity of her story.
It *could* be true, though. Years ago I was on my way to airport to fly to Europe. The friend who drove me to the airport gave me a pair of jeans in the car and I stuffed them in my back pack and carried them through 2 european customs check points... I put them on a few days later, stuck my hand in the back pocket and pull out a fairly large baggie of weed. NO WAY would I have knowingly carried that with me, but tell that to the Spanish Inquisition!

Posted by: VaLGaL | July 7, 2010 3:52 PM | Report abuse

Before the day ends, a Happy 70th Birthday to Ringo!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | July 7, 2010 3:58 PM | Report abuse

So does LieLow have to wear her SCRAMer in the slammmer? The Graybar hotel is known for its Pruno.

Posted by: kabuki3 | July 7, 2010 7:45 PM | Report abuse

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