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Posted at 11:34 AM ET, 09/16/2010

'Bridalplasty': When reality TV hits rock bottom

By Jen Chaney

Oh, this chick would *so* lose on "Bridalplasty." (File photo from Bigstockphotos)

For those who were struggling to determine exactly how low reality television can sink, I have "good" news. The answer has become clear and it can be summed up in one word: "Bridalplasty."

The Hollywood Reporter broke the news that E! is planning a new reality series called, yes, "Bridalplasty," in which blushing, nose-job-seeking brides-to-be compete in a series of wedding planning challenges. With each victory, they get to undergo the surgical procedure of their choice, all in an effort to look like the "perfect" bride just in time for the big wedding day, when they will reveal their new appearance to all the rubber-necking horrified honored guests at their splashy nuptials.

The executive producer of the show will be Gloria Steinem.

(Wait a beat.)

Yes, of course, that was a joke!

Actually, it's Heidi Montag.

(Wait another beat.)

Nope, still a joke, although one that sounds remarkably plausible.

In all seriousness, E!'s Giuliana Rancic and the minds behind VH-1's "The Surreal Life" are the responsible parties here.

The concept is so incredibly offensive that I don't know where to begin. Should I start with the condescending notion that women -- who are, of course, catty, vapid creatures -- should use the planning of a wedding as an opportunity to compete with each other? Or that a wedding day is obviously the end-all, be-all of the entire female human experience on planet Earth?

Nah, I'll go for the obvious, most infuriating aspect of this: that the contestants will be treated to multiple surgeries in order to look their absolute best. For one thing, as we established with the whole Montag episode, multiple procedures are extreme and may not be the healthiest option for many people to pursue. For God's sake, even Montag wants some of her old body parts back. For another thing: Didn't any of these people pay attention during the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty?

Because this is just in the development stage, there's obviously a chance "Bridalplasty" won't come to pass, especially if no one signs up to compete. So, fame-craving ladies, it's up to you. Take a stand and don't subject yourselves to this kind of nonsense, no matter how much E! promises to pay you or how ubiquitous you think your face might become as a result of appearing on this show. Because by the time this thing is over, you won't even have the same face anyway.

Women, let's prove once and for all that life really isn't some weird cross between that crummy rom-com "Bride Wars" and "Nip/Tuck." Please?

By Jen Chaney  | September 16, 2010; 11:34 AM ET
Categories:  Pop Culture, TV  
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As a daily lurker here, I finally have to post. OMG, it IS so Jen said, where to begin? And what happens when the groom-to-be decides his surgically-altered bride-to-be bears no resemblance to his fiancee and calls off the wedding? Does the surgery get reversed? I mean, I'm sure breast implants could be removed and returned, but what about a nose job? Does she then have the bump/ski slope/crookedness surgically returned?? At this point I guess we should all just wait for the plague of locusts...

Posted by: CollegeParkGal | September 16, 2010 11:52 AM | Report abuse

I don't know what is sicker: the show concept, or the endless crush of women who will no doubt sign up for it.

Posted by: Californian11 | September 16, 2010 11:52 AM | Report abuse

At this point I guess we should all just wait for the plague of locusts.

SPLOOT, all over the keyboard!

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | September 16, 2010 12:54 PM | Report abuse

CollegeParkGal, I'm with you on the locusts. But I think that any guy who would agree to go along with it (a) must already know (and love?) how vapid his bridezilla is and (b) probably is just as awful himself. Maybe that's the silver lining to this cumulonimbus -- it ensures that really terrible people are appropriately matched up. (Heaven help any progeny, though.)

Posted by: Janine1 | September 16, 2010 12:54 PM | Report abuse

This is one of the many, many reasons that we had our cable disconnected. I would rather clean the bathroom than be subjected to this tripe.

Posted by: VaLGaL | September 16, 2010 12:55 PM | Report abuse

Agree, even though I initially read this as Bridalpasty.

Posted by: JinNJ | September 16, 2010 1:22 PM | Report abuse

Are you guys KIDDING? This is BRILLIANT! It's got it all:

...okay, maybe not "all," but Sweet Jeebus, a show in which the prize is a nose job and it's hosted by Giuliana and her great big honkin' beak? I enjoy that irony so much on its own that I won't even have to watch the show.

Posted by: byoolin1 | September 16, 2010 1:27 PM | Report abuse

Although, if I were to watch the show, I'd take CollegeParkGal's idea and run right off the edge of the earth with it.

You're thinkin' too small: let's not WAIT for the plague of locusts. Let's be proactive and go get those little SOBs - in fact, ALL of the Biblical plagues - their very own damn reality show.

"A Plague Of Locusts Wedding"
"Lice Bachelor"
"Survivor: Rivers of Blood"
"American Idol, With Frogs"
"The Amazing Race of Flies"
"The Apprentice with the Dead Firstborn Son"

...and so on.

Posted by: byoolin1 | September 16, 2010 1:34 PM | Report abuse

And for the groom, we have a little bottle of powdered rhinoceros horn, with a handy spoon chained to the cap.

Posted by: kabuki3 | September 16, 2010 1:51 PM | Report abuse

We could always sink lower: consider televised suicides. Follow the story of a depressed person as they spend their final days preparing to end their life. Might be hard to sell advertising, though. Maybe flower companies and Hallmark.

Posted by: MStreet1 | September 16, 2010 1:56 PM | Report abuse

I kinda like the idea of returning the bride to her former self if the wedding gets called off.

When did it became all about the wedding and not about the marriage? Oh well, as a family law lawyer, I really shouldn't complain about the sky high divorce rate. Hmmm, will divorce lawyers advertise on the show?

Posted by: epjd | September 16, 2010 2:01 PM | Report abuse

Go rent Mike Judge's film "Idiocracy." It's beginning to look more like a prophecy than a parody.

Posted by: imisssiskel | September 16, 2010 2:03 PM | Report abuse

Maybe flower companies and Hallmark.

Posted by: MStreet1

Mstreet, that is brilliant, but you know who would be the biggest advertisers...the antidepressant companies! Take our pill or end up like Bill...or Jill...or you get the idea. Genious.

Posted by: VaLGaL | September 16, 2010 2:21 PM | Report abuse

shades of Skin Tight

Posted by: HardyW | September 16, 2010 6:30 PM | Report abuse

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