David Schwimmer secretly married; animated 'Napoleon Dynamite' coming to Fox

It's kind of reassuring to see that Ross and Monica are still as competitive as ever, isn't it?

"Carrie Fisher admits to using cocaine on "Star Wars" set." And C3P-O was up to a quart of 5W-30 a day...

Joan Collins is "stretched tighter thsan a drumhead," not "aging gracefully." But she's right about Aniston.

Rick Springfield details his teenage suicide attempt in new book, or, as he phrased it, "I wish that I had Jessie's pills."

Speaking of pills, what kind make you think that the 10 sexiest pictures of Justin Bieber's dad could in any way be considered a "bonus," JeLi?

"Awkward Family Photos site gets a TV show deal." Up next: "I Can Haz A Lot More Free Time Now That I've Thrown Out My TV."

Carrie Fisher admits to using cocaine on "Star Wars" set - I thought that brass bikini looked a little dusty.

Of course Carrie Fisher used coke on the set of Star Wars: she was 19 and it was the 70's. It would be news if she hadn't used coke.

I agree with byoo about Joan Collins and Jennifer Aniston.

Can we take up a collection to buy Justin Beiber's Dad a proper shirt? 'Cuz I've seen hot, and that ain't it!

"'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' ... features ... Kim and Kyle Richards." -- Kim Richards! Finally we'll get (I hope) the backstory of those 70s "Witch Mountain" movies and what it was like working with Ike Eisenmann.

"David Schwimmer married British girlfriend in June" -- Who's David Schwimmer?

"Carrie Fisher admits to using cocaine on 'Star Wars' set" -- That would explain why she and Mark Hamill never seemed to go "ew" when they suddenly realized they were brother and sister. It was the coke. What was he taking?

"Morgan Freeman to receive AFI lifetime acheivement award" -- Let's hope he hires a chauffeur to drive him, alone, to the ceremony.

"Joan Collins: Jennifer Aniston is 'cute,' not 'beautiful'" -- Because I'm going to take beauty opinions from the woman who starred in "The Stud."

"Oprah Winfrey 'disappointed' that a matron at her South African school has been cleared of all abuse charges" -- Her grilling over the O coals was going to headline "People Who Have Disappointed Me, Yet Still Live" week.

"Rick Springfield details his teenage suicide attempt in new book" -- He wanted to tell us sooner, but the point was prob'ly moot.

"Chelsea Handler to star in 'Larry Sanders'-esque comedy series called 'After Lately'" -- She's trying her hand at comedy now? Good for her.

I really thought that was Nicky Hilton standing next to a wax statue of Paris. Very scary.

10 Sexiest picture of Justin Bieber's dad...WTF?

Do youse guys have a Justin Bieber quota? Like ya gotta get in at least 1 whole post about him & at least 3 other references a day?

Or is someone a closet Bieber fan? Closet Bieber fan....that just sounds wrong on so many levels.

An Ike Eisenmann shout-out!

Nicely done.

David Schwimmer married British girlfriend in June.

It took Ross all this long to get Emily back?

Oooh, and I sure hope Ross didn't say, "I take you, Rachel..."

Thanks, byoolin. I Like Ike.

"Awkward Family Photos site gets a TV show deal." -- Call me when "Charlie Bit My Finger" gets 13 episodes. (I sure hope that kid's got tough hands.)

Better late than never dep't.: I just realized that the correct response to "David Schwimmer secretly married" must be "David Schwimmer secretly attractive to at least one woman."

Carrie Fisher used coke on the set of Star Wars. Now we *really* know why Leia didn't want to leave that Hoth snow cave/base.

I'm chalking up the pix of Papa Beiber to sleep deprivation. (You okay, Liz?) Maybe the Midday Mix isn't such a bad idea after all...

Um, who the heck cares what Joan Collins thinks of Jennifer Aniston?

And who cares whether Carrie Fisher used coke or anything else? Star Wars was how long ago?

I'm not surprised the Cox-Arquettes broke up, although it is sad. She dropped Arquette from her name a few years back and talked openly about their problems and going to therapy. Too bad that didn't help; they seemed to be a sane Hollywood couple (somewhat of an oxymoron).

Given Chelsea Handler's well-known affinity for vodka, I assume that she's making the scene with a Black Russian.

Ok, I'm gonna get all geeky here, but it looks like some folks have mixed up their Star Wars/Empire Strikes Back/Return of the Jedi plot points:

I thought that brass bikini looked a little dusty.-Return of the Jedi

That would explain why she and Mark Hamill never seemed to go "ew" when they suddenly realized they were brother and sister.-Also Return of the Jedi

Now we *really* know why Leia didn't want to leave that Hoth snow cave/base.-Empire Strikes Back

Ok, I've gotten that off my chest and we can now return to our regularly scheduled snarking

Mid-Afternoon Self-Amusement:

If you say "Cox-Arquettes" a few times quickly, it ends up sounding like an insult from "Johnny Dangerously."