'Little Fockers': The parade of terrible reviews

In a strange coincidence, Colin Baiocchi has the same look on his face as most critics did after seeing "Little Fockers." (Universal)

By releasing the ridiculously titled third entry in a comedy franchise that got stale roughly five minutes into "Meet the Parents," Universal Studios has pretty much issued a handwritten invitation for critics to mock "Little Fockers." ("Fockers -- that's what I mumbled to myself when I found out I had to see this movie!" See how easy it is?)

And mock it critics have.

Let's rifle through the reviews currently adding up to a pathetic "8% Fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes and find some of the best "Fockers"-skewering commentary together, shall we?

Manohla Dargis of the New York Times gets in the requisite "What the hell is Robert De Niro doing?" comment:

"Mr. De Niro might not mind making mincemeat of his own legacy, as a painful bit with a grinning Harvey Keitel suggests. (Somewhere, Martin Scorsese is lighting a votive candle.)"

In today's Post, freelancer Sean O'Connell blames the whole mess on that jolly old elf who's supposed to shove iPads down our chimneys in a few days:

"We must have been pretty naughty this year for Santa to stuff a lump of coal like 'Little Fockers' into our cinematic stockings."

Kudos to Eric D. Snider of Cinematical for working in a comparison to an amateur musical production:

"I once saw a high school production of 'Grease' where they had some technical difficulties and had to stall for time, so the director sent the main actors onstage, in character, to improvise a scene. 'Little Fockers' feels like 100 minutes of that."

Ty Burr of the Boston Globe pulls out the 'ol "Jessica Alba seems like she has to urinate" critique:

"Alba overacts frenetically — it’s like she has to pee really badly."

Nick Schager of Slant Magazine sounds a little angry in his review. And really, can you blame him?

"Despite its title, Little Fockers barely features children. Other things it's lacking include laughs, coherence, and a reason to exist, what with Paul Weitz's latest installment in this family-friction franchise simply rehashing the dynamics of the original Meet the Parents, except with more c--- jokes."

And of course, we have the unavoidable punny pull quote from Matt Pais of Metromix:

"This series needs to focking stop."