Randy and Evi Quaid talk to Esquire about preemptively solving their own murders

Mug shots of Randy Quaid and wife Evi after they were arrested in September. (AP)

Since October, Randy and Evi Quaid have been variously in custody or seeking asylum in Canada. They fled the U.S. after months of legal wrangling, warrants and paparazzi chases, claiming they were the next victims on the hit list of a gang of "star whackers" that have already -- according to them -- neutralized Heath Ledger, Chris Penn, David Carradine and now Hollywood publicist Ronni Chasen.

Last week, the Quaids sat down to talk with Esquire.com about their life on the run, their plans to stay in Canada and their enemies' elaborate stratagems to off them.

Some choice pulls after the jump...

On the couple's elaborate "proof" of a conspiracy against hem:

[T]here's a box of proof, carried everywhere they go, just in case. Texas, California, Washington, British Columbia. Flow charts. Circles, arrows, names — underscored, crossed out — photographs. Satellite images. A litany of slights and wrongs, and a bag containing $8 million in photocopied checks.

A description of the now-Mohawked Evi:

She's dressed entirely in black. Black riding pants and big black boots. A black top that reveals a sliver of her glacier-white stomach. A black hat, hiding the fact that she's recently shaved her black hair into a Mohawk. Black circles around her black eyes. "I didn't sleep a wink last night," she says later. She was studying Canadian immigration law and watching the crack under the door for feet.

Evi, by the way, believes she and her husband will be killed in one of three ways though she believes the most likely scenario will involve knives:

Randy will be drugged in his sleep — "They know he has sleep apnea," she says — and Evi will be stabbed to death. Then they will put the knife in his hand. He will wake up and be locked away forever. Or he will kill himself in his terror and grief.

The other options: They'll be hanged together and ruled a double suicide or, alternatively, found sitting in a car, frozen in place, having both been administered lethal doses of Demerol.

The letter held up in court by the Quaids' attorney in October. (AP/The Canadian Press)

Evi's also convinced Radar Online -- which has devoted much coverage to the Quaid's recent escapades -- is not what it seems (a bustling little Internet gossip hive):

"Radar Online is owned by the police," Evi says firmly. She sounds entirely convinced. "They called the Dairy Queen in Marfa, Texas, to spread rumors about us when we lived there. Everything came out of the Dairy Queen."

After speculating about who might stab them, Evi adds:

"I feel like we're really close," Evi says. "We're this close to solving our own murder. It's the only way I'll be able to keep Randy alive."

Source: Esquire.com

Related:

Randy and Evi Quaid remain in Canadian jail