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Posted at 1:07 PM ET, 01/ 6/2011

"Jersey Shore" is back tonight; we step up with a handy drinking game

By Liz Kelly

'Jersey Shore's' season 3 cast. That's the new chick, Deena, on the far right in leopard. (MTV)

What could possibly be more entertaining than watching The Situation, Snooki, JWoww, Sammi Sweetheart, Ronnie, DJ Pauly D, Vinny, Grumpy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc and some new chick make their return to the "Jersey Shore" on MTV tonight?

Turning the season premiere into a drinking game, that's what.

The rules are so simple, even someone who self-identifies as a "gorilla juicehead" should be able to follow along, though it may be helpful to consult our "Jersey Shore" glossary first:

1. If Snooki is sporting a hair pouf, EVERYONE DRINK ONE SIP of your beverage of choice.

2. If The Situation lifts his shirt, EVERYONE DRINK SIX SIPS (for the six-pack, natch).

3. If the words "T-shirt time" or "cabs are here" are uttered, EVERYONE TAKES A SHOT.

4. If the camera flashes to Sammi hibernating in her bed, DRINK ONE CUP OF WATER. Do the same on subsequent flashes of Sammi hibernating in her bed. This is designed to help you. Take advantage of it.

5. The guys start talking about "grenades," "GFF" or "GTL": MEN DRINK ONE OUNCE OF HAIR GEL.

6. Any of the cast members mention ex-roomie Angelina Pivarnick, DRINK TWO TABLESPOONS FULL OF JACUZZI WATER.

7. The camera follows JWOWW, Snooki, Sammi or the new chick into the bathroom: WOMEN DRINK A HANDFUL OF SPRAY TANNER.

8. A fistfight occurs: DRINK ONE CUP OF COFFEE.

9. The Situation mistakenly hooks up with a transvestite: TOAST HIS LUCK WITH A FLUTE OF CHAMPAGNE.

10. If any cast member engages in smooshing/smashing, EVERYONE VOMIT.

Disclaimer: Obviously neither Celebritology nor The Washington Post actually wants anyone to drink hair gel or vomit on command. The above is intended as satire.

Related: A reading from the book of Snooki

By Liz Kelly  | January 6, 2011; 1:07 PM ET
Categories:  Reality Check, TV  | Tags:  Jersey Shore  
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What is the activity for which the reaction is "SPRAY THE CAST AND CREW WITH MACHINE-GUN FIRE"?

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2011 1:57 PM | Report abuse

Disclaimer: Obviously neither Celebritology nor The Washington Post actually wants anyone to spray anyone with machine-gun fire. That would be a waste of ammunition. Remember, aim carefully and *squeeze* the trigger.

Posted by: byoolin1 | January 6, 2011 2:01 PM | Report abuse

I'm assuming my wonderful husband will "forget" to DVR this for me. Thanks in advance for the full episodes,!

Posted by: mrsdorkusmaximus | January 6, 2011 4:51 PM | Report abuse

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