The People's Choice Awards 2011: A recap
You could have sat through all two hours of the People's Choice Awards and the inane banter from host Queen Latifah that went along with it. But if you didn't -- and for your own sakes, let's hope that's the case -- I manned up, soldiered through and summarized the major events in occasionally snarky, timeline form. Of course, not every award was given out during the telecast. (Those four trophies for Eminem? Didn't play a key role.) But the highlights -- plus a ton of photos -- have been hit here.
Thank me later.
9:04 p.m.: Queen Latifah notes that a record 175 million votes were cast as part of the People's Choice Awards selection process, a new record. Latifah does not mention that only 300 people voted, 295 of whom were "Twilight" fans.
9:05: Jennifer Aniston and her cleavage present Favorite Comedic Star. Adam Sandler, who happens to be co-starring with Aniston in the upcoming film "Just Go With It," wins. We assume this is just coincidence.
9:06: Sandler has a black eye for some mysterious reason. He makes a bad Black Eyed Peas joke to explain it, which makes the black eye now even more noticeable, along with the fact that maybe he should not have won Favorite Comedic Star.
9:07: Aniston adds that "Grown-Ups" also won for Favorite Movie Comedy. She does not note that “Easy A,” nominated in the same category, was clearly robbed.
9:08: For no reason, a preview of “The Dilemma,” in which Queen Latifah co-stars, is shown. The controversial gay joke is left out of the presentation. Because the people obviously chose that.
9:13: Latifah does a promo for a smart phone by Sanyo, on which all the winners’ names will appear. I am not mentioning its specific name because I want the world to be a better place.
9:14: A froggy-sounding Mila Kunis doles out the award for Favorite Talk Show Host. Conan O’Brien wins. Yes, he is now a People’s Choice Award winner. His credibility drops a couple of notches.
9:16: Conan closes his speech by thanking the fans for making what could have been a terrible year the best one of his life. And ... credibility restored.
9:18: Beauty experts Bobbie Thomas and Robert Verdi choose a “random” fan to go into the ceremony, then hand the random fan a bag of crap from CVS. Oh, shut-up. The hosts totally do the same thing during the Oscars ceremony.
9:21: Elton John walks out (sans new infant) to present Favorite Country Artist. Because “I’m Still Standing” is pure twang.
9:24: Taylor Swift unsurprisingly wins. She accepts. She gets through speech without interruption. (I so would have paid Jake Gyllenhaal $1,000 to stand up and say “Imma let you finish.”)
9:25: Selena Gomez and the Scene performs. This is considered a universal sign in all cultures that it’s time to make some microwave popcorn and get a soda.
9:28: Gomez receives a People’s Choice Awards for Best Breakout Star. Members of Gomez’s band look concerned that they will never be part of a musical act that receives critical praise on Pitchfork.
9:33: Latifah has changed into a hot pink, curve-hugging number. She should have stuck with the black corset and a blazer.
9:34: Latifah asks Neil Patrick Harris on live television to evaluate her hosting abilities. (Which, to be fair, have been adequate at best.) He kindly gives her a solid B-plus. She gives him a hard time for what seems like an eternity until he upgrades her to an A-plus. The people so would not have chosen to see this awkwardness.
9:35: Cut to a terrible taped gag in which Latifah ends up in the hospital and is cared for by Kate Wash, Taye Diggs and Dr. Drew. Thanks to previous popcorn break, fast-forwarding via DVR is an option.
9:38: Diggs and Walsh return to present Favorite TV Comedy Actor. Neil Patrick Harris wins, makes “Doogie Howser” reference. (Weird. No one on this show looks surprised at all that they’ve won. Hmmm, why might that be?)
9:42: The Favorite TV Comedy Actress Award goes to Jane Lynch. A response from Ed O’Neill is undoubtedly forthcoming.
9:44: Chris Colfer and Cory Monteith join Lynch onstage, but she does not seem to notice them. It appears "Glee" won something else (Colfer has a trophy in his hand). It's probably Favorite TV Comedy, but it’s unclear because it’s much more important that we cut to yet another winner of … a bag of crap from CVS!
9:48: It’s time for the Favorite Viral Video. If there is justice in the world, Double Rainbow guy will win.
9:50: Aw crud. The Whittaker family won for “Single Lady Devastation.” That’s right. Reward parents for embarrassing their children on YouTube instead of awesome hikers who smoke illicit substances and recognize the beauty of nature. Sham!
9:51: Latifah introduces next presenters; pronounces Zachary Levi like Zacharay Lee-vee. Really? And you expect an A-plus?
9:53: Lisa Edelstein of “House” receives Favorite Actress in a TV Drama. Edelstein takes a photo of the crowd with the smart phone that shall not be named. She also reads list of online handles of people who supposedly voted for her. The joke bombs.
9:55: Taylor Swift is back. She presents Favorite Movie Actor award to Johnny Depp. Man, if Taylor Lautner had won that would have been awk-ward.
9:56: Depp is onstage. He gets a standing O. It’s unclear whether anyone realizes he did not star in a movie this year as Capt. Jack Sparrow.
10:02: Latifah is trying to do spontaneous improv with the Kardashians. Wow, I miss the days when she used to insult Neil Patrick Harris.
10:04: Jim Parsons and Miranda Cosgrove present the award for Favorite Movie Star Under 25. Zac Efron wins. Woah, were Robert Pattinson’s fans kidnapped and tied up during the voting process?
10:07: Oh great. We get an exclusive sneak peek of “Season of the Witch.” Pretty sure the people did not choose this.
10:08: Some chick named Leslie wins more crap from CVS, yadda, yadda yadda.
10:09: Latifah is still talking about CVS and the fact that you too can get a discount there on her Cover Girl Queen collection. And ... her grade just dropped down to C-minus.
10:15: Jerry O’Connell and Annalynne McCord both look impossibly thin as they present the award for Favorite TV Guilty Pleasure. "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" wins. I mean, who saw that coming what with Kim, Khloe and Kourtney being seated in the front row?
10:18: Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester introduce performance by Kid Rock, reaffirm their status as identical twins.
10:28: Pauley Perrette comes onstage in a strapless gown that says No H8 on it, in protest of Prop 8. Finally, an authentic example of someone voicing an opinion on the People’s Choice Awards.
10:30: Back to the inauthenticity: Two CBS shows -- “Hawaii Five-0” and “[Bleep] My Dad Says” -- just won the award for Favorite New TV Drama and Comedy, respectively.
10:31: Latifah has switched outfits again and looks much better in a flowing turquoise gown. Still not sure she can recover from that Cover Girl promo, though.
10:32: Stephen Moyer and Malin Akerman arrive to present Favorite Movie Actress. Kristen Stewart wins, notably lets Taylor Lautner escort her to the stage instead of Robert Pattinson. "Twilight" message boards instantly crash due to crazed flurry of comments.
10:34: Note to self: Per Stewart’s example, always end acceptance speeches on nationally televised awards shows by saying, “Anyway, I’m gonna get outta here. OK. Bye.”
10:39: Even the Bounce commercials want us to vote for our favorite Bounce commercial character. Um, Double Rainbow Guy? Is that an option?
10:43: Queen Latifah is now harassing the Twilight crew. Kristen Stewart looks like she wants to be swallowed up by the floor. I do not blame her.
10:45: Latifah made Lautner, Stewart and Pattinson stand up and wave to the audience. Stewart is now in intense physical pain.
10:46: Michael Chiklis is dancing onstage. I can’t see Stewart’s face but I am pretty sure she’s embarrassed on his behalf.
10:48: The Favorite Female Musical Artist is Katy Perry. Apparently she also won Favorite Online Sensation.
10:50: Perry notes that her two awards are more meaningful because they were voted for by people and not just something else, like a computer. Clearly she’s been paying no attention to what’s happened this evening.
10:51: Vanessa Williams is onstage, asking people to donate to Special Olympics. There really isn’t anything snarky to say about that.
10:54: Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman, in an effort to promote “No Strings Attached,” are onstage to present Favorite Movie of the Year.
10:56: And “Twilight Saga: Eclipse” wins. What's your problem? Clearly, that was better than “Inception.”
10:57: Taylor Lautner rambles politely. Stewart mumbles something. Then Pattinson closes by announcing that he broke the smart phone that shall not be named. And with that: “Anyway, I’m gonna get outta here. OK. Bye.”
More from Celebritology:
Natalie Portman showed off her baby bump at the awards.
Actress Jaime Pressley was busted for an alleged DUI.
Anderson Cooper's go-to-guy for 'end of times' coverage? Kirk Cameron.
| January 6, 2011; 12:30 AM ET
Categories: Awards Season, Celebrities, Movies, TV
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