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Posted at 2:55 PM ET, 03/ 9/2011

'American Idol' contest: What would Simon say?

By Jen Chaney
Surely you can say something as nasty as this guy. (Reuters)

Some "American Idol" fans may be missing Simon Cowell this season. In fact, some may long for the acerbic British judge so much that they often find themselves talking like him just to compensate for his absence.

If that's the case, you're in luck, because flinging Simon Cowell-esque commentary could make you a winner in the weekly Celebritology contest, "What Would Simon Say?"

After watching Wednesday's and/or Thursday's episode of "Idol," airing at 8 EST on Fox, come back to this blog item and post a comment that assesses one of the contestants, using the sort of cutting, pithy phrases Cowell might have used. You have until midnight Friday to enter. (Read all the contest rules and regulations here.)

Each week, I'll determine a winner, whose witty, judgmental and (most importantly) Simon Cowell-ish rhetoric will be featured in a Celebritology post on Monday. We'll start the process all over again every Wednesday and announce a new winner the following Monday.

Deal? Good. Now start thinking like Simon Cowell. If that means you have to unfasten additional buttons on your shirt, so be it.

More coverage:

"American Idol" in The TV Column blog

By Jen Chaney  | March 9, 2011; 2:55 PM ET
Categories:  TV  
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Comments


As far as I'm concerned, there are only 2 REAL contestants this year:

Casey Abrams and Jacob Lusk.

Posted by: lindalovejones | March 9, 2011 3:49 PM | Report abuse

I'm elated that Jordan Dorsey got kicked out. He was distasteful. I bet Scott McCreery laughed at him during his walk of shame.

Posted by: Smarg | March 9, 2011 3:57 PM | Report abuse

I'm elated that Jordan Dorsey got kicked out. He was distasteful. I bet Scott McCreery laughed at him during his walk of shame.

Posted by: Smarg | March 9, 2011 4:01 PM | Report abuse

Too much kumbaya on idol this year, I hope X-Factor is better.

Posted by: ozpunk | March 9, 2011 4:05 PM | Report abuse

Don't miss him because I never watched it.

I have a life.

Posted by: topwriter | March 9, 2011 4:48 PM | Report abuse

Cowell - "You know, I wasn't listening because I was so bored and suffering from being here I was chatting with the equally irreplaceble Kara Dioguardi. But if I HAD actually been listening to any of you performers, I's sure it was appalling."

OR

"What! Ratings are up without me, the Great Simon and the pithy mon mots by publicist writes?? Impossible!!"

"As a self-annointed Legend, I was underpaid for phoning it in at 45 million a year...because no one could possibly equal my greatness as a judge personality."

Posted by: ChrisFord1 | March 9, 2011 6:30 PM | Report abuse

WWSS to Paul McDonald?

"Paul, watching your performance tonight, I have to say, was a little like watching a marionette being flung about the stage by a deranged puppet master."


Posted by: questionthemedia | March 9, 2011 11:08 PM | Report abuse

What would Simon say ?

Simon sez,,, get a life, and turn off these candy for the mind TV shows.

Posted by: Defund_NPR | March 10, 2011 12:40 AM | Report abuse

I sez to the wife..."sounds like the lounge at the Holiday Inn"

She sez..."What were you doing at the Holiday Inn?"

Posted by: sammacel | March 10, 2011 1:51 AM | Report abuse

Jacob Lusk: Your shrieking was a little disturbing, frankly. It was like RuPaul getting a Brazilian,

Posted by: cplcespod | March 10, 2011 8:19 AM | Report abuse

Don't miss him because I never watched it.

I have a life.

Posted by: topwriter | March 9, 2011 4:48 PM
*********************************

The fact that you posted such a thing on a blog called Celebritology negates any life you claim to have.

I'm sorry I missed it. I was busy watching Incubus with William Shatner. Not JUST Shatner but Shatner & the entire cast speaking ESPERANTO!!

Posted by: wadejg | March 10, 2011 9:15 AM | Report abuse

OK I get it- Jennifer and Steven don't want anyone to dislike them- but they are supposed to be- in their own words- "looking for the total package"- and yet they heap praise on perforances that wouldn't make the cut on a cruise line. Jimmy Iovie and his people must be hearing different performances to rave the way they do- because there were maybe 3-5 performances that rate REALLY continuing on in the competition: Casey, James, Paul, Scotty and maybe Stefano. Thia is the best girl- but she proved last night that she has a problem with the slightest criticism- her youth and lack of experience showing. Pia- great for a Miss America pagent- seriously- close your eyes and ask yourself would you buy a record from her? She is totally forgetable as a personality. Ashton has NO right being referred to or calling herself a diva- you have to have the goods to be a real diva- she can't start a song on pitch -and she has no real musicality. Jacob Lusk has a voice- Lord, knows, but he decimated that R Kelly song-it was horrible- and that is NOT a difficult song- even to "personalize". Haley I guess wants to be a country singer- ok- Kelly Pickler did it- and she not the best talent- but she has a huge personality- which Haley does not. Lauren may have the personality, but he really doesn't have the chops- and the girl always looks slovely- Country Ladies- are for the most part pretty crisp and sharp- even in jeans. Naima- was unable to "dance" and sing- and she wasn't really dancing. Karen-Baby- you are not Selena, or Jennifer and you never will be. Take that wonderful personality and go work as a reporter for Telemundo.

Casey could be the prominent front to any band- maybe not a solo, but a huge hit. James- he's so gifted and intuitive- and packagable. Scotty- no question. Paul: I know you love Ryan Adams, but next time do Bryan Adams- the American Idol audience is not that sophisticated- so don't get thrown out trying to educate them. Stefano- heart-throb teen idol in the making- and can sing so maybe can transition into a real length career...
Steven and Jennifer- don't insult us- it doesn't make us like you when you are lying to these kids.

Posted by: poppysue85 | March 10, 2011 11:26 AM | Report abuse

+++++++++Don't miss him because I never watched it.

I have a life.

Posted by: topwriter | March 9, 2011 4:48 PM | Report abuse

What would Simon say ?

Simon sez,,, get a life, and turn off these candy for the mind TV shows.

Posted by: Defund_NPR | March 10, 2011 12:40 AM | Report abuse ++++++++++


Love the holier than thou dopes who CLAIM they don't watch something, yet they take the time to read AND post about it on a message board.

You may have a life, but that certainly doesn't keep you from being a complete and total moron.

Have a nice day dimwit :)

Posted by: RobInVaBeach | March 10, 2011 1:31 PM | Report abuse

@RobinVABeach - Nicely stated. I get sick and tired of these idiots who post and try and act holier than thou. If you think any of these shows is beneath you then why are you posting here????

Posted by: AlfromAlexandria | March 10, 2011 1:45 PM | Report abuse

LOL @ Paul McDonald being flung around like a marionette by a deranged puppet master.

I would really like for him to stop smiling and move more naturally sometimes. he's way too affected/afflicted and it creeps me out. Thank god for Tivo, so I can just fast forward through his bit.

Posted by: trambusto | March 10, 2011 2:01 PM | Report abuse

I don't watch much, but I did see about half of last nights episode. I don't miss Simon because he is a jerk, but someone on the panel could offer a little more insightful criticism than the performance was "pitchy" or "sleepy."

Posted by: GnirJ | March 10, 2011 4:41 PM | Report abuse

[by my kid]

"Ashthon, your performance was bluddy annoying tonight. I'd rather get bit by a rattlesnake and get my butt torn off by a gorilla than listen to you."

Posted by: questionthemedia | March 10, 2011 7:28 PM | Report abuse

Jacob, if I'm being honest, I was hoping the gospel choir were a heavenly host sent to take me to heaven, because I think I just died after hearing that performance.

Posted by: questionthemedia | March 10, 2011 7:31 PM | Report abuse

[by my kid]

Casey...when I heard that performance, I thought I was listening to a lion in the jungle instead of a singing competition.

Posted by: questionthemedia | March 10, 2011 7:35 PM | Report abuse

Haley, dahling...what you just did put me in mind of The Cowardly Lion in a yodeling competition.

Posted by: questionthemedia | March 10, 2011 7:37 PM | Report abuse

Haley the Alicia Keys wannabe did a switcharoo to LeAnn Rimes to show her "softer side". Softer side Haley? Haley, your voice sounded like a demented yodeling cow in the Sound of Music who lost its way in the hills which were no longer alive by the time you finished wrecking a perfectly good song. Haley needs to be #2 on the chopping block. It's also very obvious that she has an attitude problem.

Posted by: jameon | March 10, 2011 9:55 PM | Report abuse

Don't miss him because I never watched it.

I have a life.

Posted by: topwriter

__________________________

Kudos! You are indeed the Top Writer!

You have so much of a life, you read articles about AI and post to them. Gotcha. ;-)

Posted by: agolembe | March 11, 2011 9:54 AM | Report abuse

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