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Posted at 9:05 AM ET, 03/10/2011

Rob Lowe won't replace Charlie Sheen, and Sheen issues 'an apol' to Jon Cryer

By Jen Chaney
Charlie Sheen, master of the apol. (AP)

The latest on Charlie Sheen: Rob Lowe is not replacing him on "Two and a Half Men" because he's under a multi-year contract to remain on "Parks and Recreation." And that show is actually funny. (The Hollywood Reporter)

Also, Charlie Sheen has issued "an apol" -- that's a half-apology, by the way -- to co-star Jon Cryer for calling him "a turncoat, a traitor and a troll" for not reaching out to Sheen. (Cryer's reps say the actor has contacted his "Two and Half Men" brother.) "I'll apologize to Jon right now," Sheen told an L.A. radio station during his "apol." "I was in a mood and I threw that out to somebody. I didn't know they – well I kinda knew they were gonna print it. Yeah, I knew they were gonna print it. I confuse myself ... It's a little bit of a half-apology. An apol." (People)

Inane non-news item of the day: Joel Madden and Nicole Richie have marital Twitter-spat over the fact that Richie spent $3,000 on pillows. (Us Magazine)

A pair of celebrity break-ups and casting news involving Keira Knightley and "Lost's" Terry O'Quinn, after the jump...

"Hangover" star Justin Bartha and Ashley Olsen have reportedly ended their relationship. (People)

Also broken up: Audrina Patridge and boyfriend Corey Bohan. Totally understandable if you need to call in sick so you can mourn this tragedy. (Popeater)

Casting news: Keira Knightley will join SyFy miniseries "Neverland" as the voice of Tinker Bell. (Deadline); Terry O'Quinn joins pilot for Marc Cherry's "Hallelujah" and will play a villainous millionaire (TV Line); Jennifer Morrison of "House" cast as lead in the pilot "Once Upon a Time." (Deadline)

It's Chuck Norris's birthday. So why not take a Norris quiz in his honor? (

Don't forget to share your best Simon Cowell impressions in our "What Would Simon Say?" contest. You have until midnight Friday.

Also, don't forget to join today's Celebritology discussion at 2 p.m. EST, where I plan to issue "apols" to the readers, and readers are free to yell at me for spending too much money on pillows.

By Jen Chaney  | March 10, 2011; 9:05 AM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Charlie Sheen  
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It makes sense that Sheen would issue an "apol." After all, he is pretty appalling.

Posted by: KevFromArlington | March 10, 2011 9:16 AM | Report abuse

Rob Lowe's not replacing Charlie? Another Brat Packer checked off the potentials list. Judd Nelson, expect a call. Andrew McCarthy, you're on deck.

Why so much angst over replacing someone on a show that is not funny? Oh, right, the ratings. Never mind. I still think Belushi would be a perfect fit.

[Insert "pillow talk" reference to Madden/Richie here.] I just think about how many Save the Children could have a decent meal on the $3K she tossed haphazardly at Bed, Bath and Beyond. Celebrities! What are you gonna do....

Posted by: td_in_baltimore | March 10, 2011 9:42 AM | Report abuse

Hopefully Charlie Sheen will bounce back. Someone should remake the movie, "A Face In the Crowd." The Andy Griffith role, once "citified," will mirror Sheen, and his ego. For his TV replacement, cast Matt Dillon.

Posted by: rhettnyc | March 10, 2011 9:50 AM | Report abuse

Contractual obligations never seem to have stopped Rob Lowe before. He quit both West Wing and Brothers and Sisters for better deals.

Posted by: yellojkt | March 10, 2011 10:30 AM | Report abuse

I think a half-apology for calling someone "a turncoat, a traitor and a troll" works out to calling them a coat and a troll, approximately.

$3,000 pillows would be wasted in my house, what with the spouse who didn't buy them having to dispose of them because of their being incriminating evidence in the smothering death of the spouse who did buy them.

Remind me: did we call them JustAsh or OlBar?

Unanswered question about Audrina's breakup: how do you mend a Bohan heart?

Chuck Norris doesn't take birthday quizzes. He calls out letter of the alphabet and the answers arrange themselves correctly.

What Simon Would Say: "Topwrite, I was sad to read your comment yesterday in an earlier Celebritology column that you don't miss me because you never watched American Idol, because, as you say, "I have a life." It must be quite a fulfilling one, too, that sees you seeking out online entertainment columns to read articles about people who have retired from television shows you've never watched in order to say you don't miss them. Your family must be especially sad, as well, what with you ignoring them in order to you seek out online entertainment columns to read articles about people who have retired from television shows you've never watched in order to say you don't miss them. At least, that's what your wife hinted at last night as she serviced me."

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 10, 2011 10:49 AM | Report abuse

It makes sense that Sheen would issue an "apol." After all, he is pretty appalling.

Good one, Kev! It could also be intepreted as Sheen being half-witted, or half-azzed, or...

td, Jim Belushi's currently starring in the pretty good but not-high-rating "The Defenders," which CBS programmers have exiled to Friday purgatory. Someone proposed that if it's canceled, then maybe co-star Jerry O'Connell might be offered the "2½ Men" gig, especially since he's posted another of his brilliant wackadoodle parodies online (this time of Sheen, although you may also recall his earlier pitch-perfect spoof of Wee Tom's couch-jumping). Honestly, I can only attribute the popularity of "2½ Men" to the phenomenon of never underestimating the taste of the American public, alas.

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 10, 2011 10:55 AM | Report abuse

Yo byoolin, dawg, that was incredible dawg.

I don't watch American Idol either, but that's not because I 'have a life' (quite the opposite, as a matter of fact!), it's just because I can't bring myself to care. It may also be because I had the misfortune to sit through an episode that was all tryouts some years ago- I made it ten minutes before retreating to the dining room, jamming my headphones over my ears, and setting the volume to "sonic enema".

Posted by: Bawlmer51 | March 10, 2011 11:01 AM | Report abuse

Where does fighting on twitter over pillows come on the list of celebrity marriage death watch? Is it before or after getting matching tattoos?

Posted by: epjd | March 10, 2011 11:09 AM | Report abuse

whew, Lowe is out of the running. Hopefully Emilio will take the replacement spot. See all the winning Charlie Sheen quotes on

Posted by: livingthesheen | March 10, 2011 11:23 AM | Report abuse

ep, both "fighting on twitter over pillows" and "fighting with pillows about twitter" rank as more serious than "matching tattoos" and less serious than "Angelina Jolie" on the celebrity marriage death watch.

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 10, 2011 11:27 AM | Report abuse

Please don't fill the "Lost" void w/ pining for alums from American Idol

Posted by: HardyW | March 10, 2011 11:29 AM | Report abuse

Byoo', you certainly have a better ear for discerning a comment from "Ogh-slurp-phoof-khugh-oooogh" than I do.

Posted by: sasquatchbigfoot | March 10, 2011 11:30 AM | Report abuse

Simon did say she "hinted," Sas...

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 10, 2011 11:38 AM | Report abuse

Byoo and sas... winning!

Posted by: rachelt2 | March 10, 2011 11:46 AM | Report abuse

ep, is "fighting on twitter over pillows" more or less serious than renewing vows?

Posted by: Nosy_Parker | March 10, 2011 12:15 PM | Report abuse

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