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Posted at 10:49 PM ET, 03/ 2/2011

The Kim Kardashian song: Go ahead. Find something good to say about it.

By Jen Chaney


It's so easy to criticize Kim Kardashian's new song "Jam (Turn It Up)."

For starters, It's been autotuned so severely that it may have turned Kardashian's actual vocals inside out and back again. Yet she still sounds off-key.

For another thing, its lyrics appear to have been penned by a third-grader who is writing a short story about what adults do when they go clubbing.

Also, It makes Ke$ha sound like the Bob Dylan of party pop.

Look, I could do this all day. And apparently so could everyone on the Internet, since the song has been blasted online since it made its debut Wednesday on Ryan Seacrest's radio show. Here's what's harder to do: come up with something positive to say about Kardashian's foray into music. Can you manage it? Give it a shot by trying to post a genuine compliment in the comments section.

Here, I'll start. Um ... at least it's not a cappella?

By Jen Chaney  | March 2, 2011; 10:49 PM ET
Categories:  Celebrities, Kim Kardashian  
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Comments

I think Kim's voice is soft and smooth but the song is just okay. I could not listen a full 3 minutes. I think the professionals in the music studio and the songwriters were terrible, but not her voice. She , once again, should have had better people around her and guiding her.

Posted by: LoveDC43 | March 3, 2011 6:05 AM | Report abuse

Just because one can sing doesn't mean one should.

It's too early to ruin my day by listening to Kim K butcher any song.

Posted by: wadejg | March 3, 2011 7:57 AM | Report abuse

The positive is - there's no need to make a "Kids Bop" version. The original version is Kids Bop'd already.

The beat sounds like it was made on Garageband... so many auto tuned harmonies poorly mixed together for the chorus... it's pretty bad. And you would think she would know a decent producer.

...or had slept with someone who knows a decent producer.

Posted by: steampunk | March 3, 2011 8:16 AM | Report abuse

Um, I like her hair. I wish my hair looked like that...

Posted by: VaLGaL | March 3, 2011 8:45 AM | Report abuse

Couldn't listen to more than a few seconds. And frankly, when she got to 'gonna potty, gonna potty some more' (or whatever it was) I burst out laughing and had to turn it off. Truly terrible.

On the positive side, um, it's got quite a techno-beat?

Posted by: cookgirl1 | March 3, 2011 8:46 AM | Report abuse

omw...imediately got a headach!!this is terrible!Paris will have to thank her coz this actually makes her song look good...love kimmy but stick to what you know girl.singing aint one of it...

Posted by: zeee | March 3, 2011 8:50 AM | Report abuse

1. Makes one grateful for video-blocking firewalls at one's place of employment.

2. Defines the "that" in the the previously unprovable statement, "At least Celine Dion's caterwauling isn't as bad as that."

3. Lets Kim cross off "record producer" from her bucket list of people she'd like to give hummers to before she's 30.

4. Brings the world one step closer to "Duets" album featuring Kim K & Heidi Montag.

5. It's a good drinkin' song, in the "I'd really like to go on a bender but need an excuse" sense of the term.

6. Revives popularity of Major Kong's line from Dr. Strangelove: "I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones."

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 3, 2011 8:56 AM | Report abuse

It makes me think of raspberry jam, which in turn makes me think of raspberry cheesecake, which makes me want to go make one. And really, isn't the world a happier place with another raspberry cheesecake in it?

Posted by: shauch | March 3, 2011 9:24 AM | Report abuse

Wow. That's like disco valium. In the worst way possible. And I *like* the crap over-autotuned pop music that's out these days!

Posted by: blahblah6b | March 3, 2011 9:51 AM | Report abuse

On the bright side, the repetition of "they playin' my jam" leaves little doubt as to whether they are playin' her jam.

Posted by: wwwest1 | March 3, 2011 12:42 PM | Report abuse

I want to print out the lyrics and put them on the wall next to the Ten Commandments.

Posted by: danw1 | March 3, 2011 2:46 PM | Report abuse

I want to print out the lyrics and put them on the wall next to the Ten Commandments.

Posted by: danw1


*****

That's messed up.

Especially the first commandment.

Posted by: byoolin1 | March 3, 2011 3:57 PM | Report abuse

Everybody needs a good laugh a day, and this will help provide one?

I don't know what made Kim decide she needed to sing, but I'm really surprised she did a dance song, because she doesn't seem like someone who actually likes to dance. She strikes me as someone who sits in V.I.P. rooms.

Posted by: Aloe9678 | March 3, 2011 4:14 PM | Report abuse

This song makes me so happy I live in Australia and don't have to hear it or read about this famous for being famous waste of space - how do you people stand these oxygen thieves.

Posted by: JudyG2 | March 9, 2011 11:32 PM | Report abuse

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