'Dancing' With The Ladies

Boys, boys, boys. You are in serious trouble. Really. How long can you expect poor Helio to carry the lot of you? Helio has one "off" night -- and by "off," that means not up to his Week 1 and 2 standards, but still far better than the rest of you -- and the women completely crush your collect manhood. (Luckily Maksim was there, dancing shirtless with Mel B, to restore a little testosterone to the room).

Let us recap: in Week 3 of competition, the five women scored 27, 27, 27, 26 and 26.

The men? Well, Helio managed a 24 despite tearing his pants and bloodying his knee (meanwhile, his partner, Julianne, had her own wardrobe malfunction, her waistband sinking perilously low at the end). But back to scores: after that, there's a mediocre 23, then a fast stone sink to 21, 20 and (gah!) a Week 3 18 (guess who that was? uh-huh, Mr. Las Vegas).

It already seems clear that Wayne Newton, Mark Cuban and Floyd Mayweather need to start packing it in. Jennie Garth, who had that disastrous collision at the end of last week's dance and dissolved into backstage tears? She roared back with a confident tango that netted her best score yet (26). Jane Seymour squeezed in practices while burying her mother (her partner, Tony, traveled with her to London and came to the funeral) and wowed with grace and elegance in a tribute to mom that earned a 27. Sabrina, the front-runner, sizzled in a jive number. She hasn't had a misstep yet.

And what about Marie Osmond? Not only did she cap the evening's competition with a campy, dramatic tango to get a 26, she also walked away with the most memorable moment of the night. After finishing her dance in a deep back dip with her leg flung high, she assessed the move thusly:

"I need an epidural."

Little did she know, at the time, that America had just gotten a full-on glimpse of the entire right half of her behind.

Scoreboard:
Mel B: 27
Sabrina Bryan: 27
Jane Seymour: 27
Jennie Garth: 26
Marie Osmond: 26
Helio Castroneves: 24
Cameron Mathison: 23
Floyd Mayweather: 21
Mark Cuban: 20
Wayne Newton: 18

-- Jennifer Frey

Jennifer Frey  |  October 9, 2007; 7:46 AM ET Dancing With the Stars
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