'Dancing With the Stars': Little Sizzle
So when did Marie Osmond morph into Elvira? Even back in the "Donny & Marie" days, she was always a makeup girl, heavy on the lashes and liner, hold the subtlety. But what worked -- marginally -- as a teenager back in, oh, 1976, does not work when you're (cough, cough) a woman of a certain age. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Being of a certain age, that is.
Mess with the bull Marie, you get what exactly? (ABC)
It's certainly working for Jane Seymour, and she's even more of a certain age than Miz Osmond. Too bad all that well-preserved fabulousness doesn't translate into good dancing. Announcer Tom Bergeron intoned: Can she (i.e., Jane) sizzle to safety with her jive? And the answer would be, um, no. Little sizzle, plenty of fizzle. Stiff, stiff, stiff. She knew it, the judges knew it, and well, we're betting it's back to the bottom two for her tomorrow night, no matter how good-natured she is about the whole thing.
But back to Marie. Marie, post-pass-out, post-I'm-fine-no-really-I-just-forgot-to-breathe, kissed the floor again, in a move looking remarkably similar to last week's faint job. Except this time it was part of the act, with her partner tossing her on the floor in a dramatic huff in a cringe-inducing paso doble. The serving wench costume didn't help.
Meanwhile, we could practically hear Jennie Garth counting out loud in her mambo routine. One, two, three, shimmy shimmy shimmy. Four, five, six, head toss. Seven, eight, nine . . . . But she has an explanation for her stagefright/lackluster performances of the past: "I'm not a performer."
Huh? Was "Beverly Hills 90210" a reality show?
The Cheetah Girl and the Spice chick fared best of all: Sabrina Bryan knows how to sell a dance. But watching her little pre-dance interview segment, only one thought came to mind: Product placement. She's wearing a Cheetah Girls hoodie, she's rehearsing her foxtrot on the sidelines of her 15- or 16-hour Cheetah Girls video shoot and talking about her upcoming Cheetah Girls movie . . . you can't buy that kind of free advertising.
Of all the women, Mel B is by far the most comfortable with moving. She looks at ease in her own skin, slinking around the stage in a rhumba number that had each of the judges handing out perfect 10's. (We are, however, much less enthused by her costume, which looked like a toga slit up the side to reveal a pink sequined diaper.)
The two lone men were game enough, but . . . yawn. Cameron's samba routine felt like eve-ry-th-in-g was mooooving in sloooo moooooo. Heavy, weighted, dull.
And Helio demonstrated that possessing a "Latin booty" does not guarantee that one knows what to do with said booty. Still, he tried, shaking it and shaking it to a James Brown number, and well, at least his dimples are cute.
So who's hitting the road tomorrow night?
Sabrina Bryan: 25
Jennie Garth: 27
Jane Seymour: 22
Cameron Mathison: 25
Mel B: 30
Marie Osmond: 23
Helio Castroneves: 28
--Teresa Wiltz
Treena Simington
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October 30, 2007; 1:25 PM ET
Dancing With the Stars
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Posted by: WhipYourWill | October 30, 2007 3:31 PM
Wow - that is a new one; a little scared for you "WhipYourWill". Conspiracy theories even for a dancing show? Pretty impressive...or perhaps a little sad. Come to think of it, though, I was in the check out line the other day at Safeway and I could have sworn the manager opened a line just for the politically connected lady next to me. Spooky.
Posted by: TomThumb | October 30, 2007 5:10 PM
The comments to this entry are closed.
Re: So who's hitting the road tonight?
What's the rhyme or reason for order of the list of dancers? Is it a subtle proding - as in subliminal persuasion? Sort of directing readers toward a desired outcome? Sure, the writers may assume that I'm a conspiracy nutcase, but that's the world we live in. Certain people are channeled toward opportunities, certain people deliberately and consistently "STYMIED" regardless of potential and possibilities of contributing to the nation/world. Besides, lots of Americans are convinced that Bush/Cheney/Rove/et al laid the road for a cakewalk in Iraq figuring it lead on the straight and narrow right up to the oil fields. That couldn't possibly be true, right?