'Project Runway': Doing the Tiki Quickie...
Quite unofficially, "Project Runway" has a brand-spankin'-new catchphrase. Heidi may "Auf" us and Tim may encourage/chide us to "make it work," but based on last night's episode, the show's true go-to, in-the-heat-of-battle, woe-is-my-design utterance is now: "I'mmm...freeeakin'...out!!"
And man-oh-man, were they.
The latest challenge was to design on on-air outfit for "Today" show correspondent/ex-NY Giants running back Tiki Barber. (At least we were told it was Tiki; no sign of his twin bro, so we'll take Tim Gunn's word for it.) As Tiki self-described to the contestants, he's a particular design challenge because he's got a big neck, narrow waist and big butt.
But don't be fooled. The true, freak-out challenge was: The designers had big visions, a narrow window in which to finish and some big-time design "busts." (We're talking time-crunch meltdowns so dreadful, Giants QB Eli Manning would have felt right at home.)
And that's the real test of this challenge, really -- as much as about design, for many of the contestants, it is all about (as they say in the NFL) "game-clock management."
So, feeling strange pangs of sympathy -- always a pesky emotion when our game-plan was to mock the more treacherous designs -- we have decided to now blog in the rapid-fire, minute-to-minute pace to approximate the extreme urgency of the episode. The contestants had 30 minutes to sketch, so we'll take 30 minutes to offer our verbal sketch. Herewith, our "Project Runway"-style Blog Challenge (Make it work, make it work!):
12:02 a.m. -- The first contestant we glimpse is Jack (who will finish first in the challenge) and the last face we see heading out the apartment door in the opening segment is Carmen (who will literally exit the competition at episode's end) -- Jack first? Carmel last? Was this meant as some subtle Beatles-esque/"Paul Is Dead" clue in the editing? Or are we just desperate for deadline material? (Note to self: Make it work...make it work.)
12:06 -- Kevin's the only one who seems to know who Tiki is. (Maybe if Tiki had been on "Sex and the City"? Maybe if he weren't on the "Today" show.) But why does Kev keep reminding us so insistently, in every episode, that he's the only straight dude in the room? (Go to a secure place, Kev. Go to a secure place...)
12:08 -- To save time, Jack peeled the shorts right off his back -- well, not quite his back -- to trace a pre-made pattern. (Maybe we can do the same to save time, 'cause this blog will take waay too long to stitch together from scratch. Hmm, "Post Rock" has kind of a cool blog pattern today...)
12:10 -- There go the waterworks. Cue Beatles-esque "While My Ricky Gently Weeps."
12:13 -- Jack says: "Jealousy is gonna bring out the ugly." Hey, we can only hope, Jackie!
12:14 -- Everyone but Kev seems in a tizzy to work with male models. (If this were a lyric in a musical, it'd be "It's disrobing men.") Kev just insisted it's no big deal to him. Again.
12:17 -- Working with the male model, Elisa says her real-life squeeze is the only male she chooses to touch. Hey, at least she seems to be from Planet Authentic.
12:20 -- Time...running...short. The bottom of this blog looking ill-fitting. How to taper in time? (Tim Gunn looks worried.)
12:21 -- Random question No. 1: Who curses more: Sweet-P or "Bleep Me" Ricky?
12:22 -- Random question No. 2: Jack is gracious under fire. Jack helps others with their designs. Jack effortlessly totes Christian as if he were a swaddled babe. Jack leaps the design challenge with a single bound. Is Jack ... Superman?
12:23 -- Carmen forgot to design a shirt. (Notice: This would never happen if the models weren't male. Just sayin'...)
12:24 -- Kev, buddy, you still straight? Just checkin'.
12:25 -- Carmen, your model still topless? Yowza. The "A." in "Carmen A. Webber" will now stand for "Auf!"
12:26 -- Check notes: Did Christian "Manchild From Mannapolis" really say: "Asians are 'fierce'!"
12:27 -- Check notes: Did Heidi really say: Seal won't do purple--?
12:28 -- Two minutes ... I'm gonna have to sew up this blog right onto a template, Carmen-style. This...may...hurt.
12:29 -- Here comes the Pinstriped Spectre of Tim Gunn. Really--this pace is more insane than the crotch on Carmen's "pants." (No. Freeakin'. Out.)
12:30 -- Time to hit the runway. Did we "make it work"? Wait, don't answer that -- humbled and topless, we're off to go clean out our workspace. As Kit said, "The menswear has brought forth the claws" -- and the hook. Hit the lights and cue Bizet's "Carmen"...
-- MICHAEL CAVNA
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Posted by: Wikijen | November 29, 2007 11:35 AM
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