'Celebrity Apprentice': He Who Wants It Most Wins
So it's Piers Morgan, tabloid maniac and desperate I-need-to-win Brit, vs. Trace Adkins, self-styled saint who is way too above-board to use any kind of mean tactics. Who would win Celebrity Apprentice?
Does anyone really have to ask? Especially anyone who watches more than the first 53-odd minutes of the show? The whole extended staging of a "live boardroom"? Merely an exercise. How does anyone not see how this puppy is going to end up, given the massive discrepancy in fundraising between the final two stars?
First, though, the producers get as much juice (none of it wheatgrass, alas -- what's the world coming to when even Carol Alt knows not how to score wheatgrass juice in Manhattan on short notice?) out of That Boy Band expected to perform. Let's just quote Trace on the whole experience: "Don't get me started on the BSB!"
That Boy Band does a lovely job serving as set-up and punch line for Trace's jokes, including the whole concept of "the most heterosexual man on the planet" (that would be Trace) and the "three-time heavyweight champion of the world" (Lennox Lewis) going on a field trip to buy black nail polish to please one of the members of That Boy Band.
In the end, it prompts Trace to announce that "it gives me a new appreciation for myself" -- himself being someone who has no need for any polish, clear or black, and who is willing to put his manly-manly self through much pain for his fans, to the extent of singing his way through stomach agony that resulted, later in the same night, in the surgical remove of a huge hunk of his colon. Ouch, yes, um, we really didn't need to know that. But, point taken, Trace thinks that That Boy Band is a bunch of wimpy punks. Oh, and Ivanka weighed in by saying of That Boy Band: "I'd be embarrassed if I were them."
Ultimately, That Boy Band is all about providing quippy entertainment fodder and has nothing to do with the outcome, so enough about them.
If this show is about money -- and, please, it's ALL about money -- then there is little doubt going in to the finale that tabloid maniac Piers is going to beat St. Trace. Nice boys do not win on Wall Street, not unless they have really nice friends with a bazillion dollars at their disposal.
And Trace does not. Morgan has won more challenges in this game than anyone else with his shameless ability to flog his celebrity CrackBerry for as much money as possible. This time around, in a move that show editors clearly do NOT want to flog for Piers's personal "look-at-me!" purposes, Howard Lutnick from the firm Cantor Fitzgerald -- just the name of the firm brings chills to many in association with 9/11 -- steps up to bid $100K apiece on two early Piers auction items, ones that hasn't even gotten one-fourth of the way to that kind of money from other bidders when Lutnick shuts it down with his preemptive six-figure offers.
The sentiment is clear: standing in front of several uniform-clad servicemen and -women Piers has invited to give visibility to his charity, the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund, Lutnick offers up more cash in minutes than would be raised all night by comparison (Cantor Fitzgerald, you'll remember, lost the bulk of its employees in the collapse of the World Trade Center towers, devastating an extended family of workers and those close to them).
Add to that Piers's star turn of the night, getting Simon Cowell to phone in and endorse their fellow British-ness by bidding $100K to go diamond-shopping with Ivanka, and Piers raises more money out of two people than everything else combined in the night, times three.
Trump does his best to try to make it look as if there were still going to be a competition, letting the whole universe talk about how Trace is sooo nice and all-American and good-hearted, etc. But since when did any of that matter to Trump? He does give Trace a nice consolation prize, letting him play live on the show to promote his new song. But in a conclusion that can only serve to make Cowell so very, very proud, the self-declared disgusting obnoxious Brit won this one by miles.
And Piers was so good at being bad in the process, even Trump couldn't justify more than a few seconds of Omarosa-evilness in his drawn-out finale. Sweetie, you have most assuredly been trumped.
-- JENNIFER FREY
Jennifer Frey
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March 28, 2008; 10:06 AM ET
Celebrity Apprentice
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Posted by: alex | March 28, 2008 4:34 PM
I have absolutely no idea what you just said. I wasn't there. Or here. Whatevah.
Posted by: Barry Obama | March 28, 2008 9:56 PM
Ms. Frey,
I truly am not quite sure if you are on staff at The Post, or if your "blog" simply happened to be chosen...just because. I suppose I should research that, because if you are, given that this is The Washington Post, I am surprised by the lack of professionalism exhibited in this most recent article of yours.
If you, and sadly from the looks of it, many American feel slighted in the least that Mr. Morgan [that God-awful, arrogant, harsh, egotistical, obnoxious, evil Brit is it?] won Celebrity Apprentice...then you, and every other sore loser out there have completely missed what is of key importance here.
First and foremost, to call this man all the horrible things which he has been unfairly subjected to throughout the course of the entire competition; to attack his person, his family, his integrity both personal and in business; to question his professionalism...It is wrong, shameful and so very juvenile! And it simply sickens me!!
It seems so many have something to say about Mr. Morgan - or rather more accurately, about the "arrogant Brit" - and most of it seems to be negative.
How sad, really. And how very embarrasing for us Americans! A Brit won over an American. Hmmm, let's bash him for it! Let's pummel him with insults. Let's attack his morals and his person and his children!!...Let's all behave like OmaRosa!!! I think not!!!
So tell me, what is it that he did that was so unpalbable? Let's see...He agreed to take part in a competition, whereby the ultimate goal was to be the best in business, without compromising the rules of engagement, expressed or otherwise. He playes the "game" expertly, strategically, passionately, fairly, respectfully, and quite impressively...Not for himself, but rather, for an extraordinary cause - The Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund!
And herein is my argument. Here is this "driven Brit" who takes this challenge to heart - TO HEART - because all he wants to do is raise as much money as he can for OUR FALLEN HEROES. For OUR men and women, sons and daughters who are at this very moment putting their lives on the line for OUR country, in a seemingly endless. Not only has he raised the most money in the history of The Apprentice, but [he] did so almost single handedly...And more importantly, this "evil" man that so many seem to harbor such contempt towards has done what no other celebrity [that I am aware of] has even thought of doing...He has raised much needed awareness by bringing this very worthy cause to the forefront. Without researching any statistics, I feel very confident in saying that [unless we have a personal connection with those serving in our military services] most of us were't even aware that such an important fund existed!...
So rather than so unjustly attack, and crticize, and crucify this man for having had the determination and unmatched business savvy / skills to win hands down, don't you think that perhaps HE SHOULD BE SINCERELY THANKED, a million times over, for the good he has done for OUR troops??!
Piers, you are more than an apprentice now, YOU are a hero of sorts - to our fallen heroes, and [if they would set aside their blown up prides for a minute or two], to all Americans as well!
I do hope this comment I'm sumbitting gets posted because you need to know that not all Americans are so small minded and offensive as the [ignorant] shameful ones you've had the misfortune of encountering; especially OmaRosa and the hypocrite, Baldwin...
Yes - admittedly there are a few little things you could work on in so far as your "frankness" goes. However, all in all, you were, in a word, BRILLIANT!
And in case you are wondering, Ms. Frey... No. I do not have friends/family serving in the military, nor am I some resentful Brit standing up for one of "my own"...I am Roman Catholic, but that is neither here nor there.
I am simply an American who is grateful for people like Piers who are willing to go above and beyond, NOT for himself, but for others!
Excellent choice Mr. Trump! God bless you, Piers. And a very Happy Birthday to you!!! - Jenna Marie@AOL.com
Posted by: Jenna Marie | March 31, 2008 6:23 AM
sort of unfair - lutnick was asked to cough up the cash not like he knew about the chairty and was so moved that he opened up his wallet - he was asked to do this - so sort of a cheap move by piers. careful he doesn't give you stock in stead of cash - any chairty in ny knows that's his MO
Posted by: in the know | March 31, 2008 11:27 AM
I was so sick of Trace Adkins being styled "a nice guy" - that's a backhanded compliment for bumpkin. I'm Southern myself - and I wish he - and others on his behalf - had made more of a deal of pointing out that he was not merely nice-guy beefcake - but that throughout he showed fairly savvy marketing skills.
Still waters run deep; and big mouths like Piers Morgan's are a mile wide and an inch deep.
I wish that the charity funds would have been split evenly - as in fairness, if there were 4 tasks being judged - then there was a fairly even split on the 4 tasks.
Nobody said they were "weighted" - one task counting for everything and the other three just being busy work to fill up airtime.
And nobody should be engaged in a "My Holocaust [war wounds] is worse than your Holocaust [severe food allergies]" competition! That is the part that was disgusting in the end.
Posted by: Jean | April 1, 2008 2:39 PM
The comments to this entry are closed.
I missed the show--thanks for the recap.
I only caught a few episodes of the show--I've never been an Apprentice fan before. I have to say, Piers is the only reason I watched. Am I the only person who actually likes him?