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Posted at 6:00 AM ET, 09/10/2008

The Morning Line: Need a Friend? Dial 1-555-TED-4RTH

By Michael Cavna

For years, Ted Forth has been as reliable as grout.

Silly, mildly sarcastic and always as comfortable as old Hush Puppies, Ted could be counted on. He was the warm comic foil who could withstand anything. He was the family's walking sponge, yellow and soft and spineless. Lady hands and all, he knew his place in the Forth sitcom universe.

Which is why this week's plot turn disturbs us so.

Ted is to be ribbed, to be mocked, to be...pitied? (KFS) Enlarge Comic

Suddenly, on a dime, Ted has become utterly sympathetic. Francesco Marciuliano has pulled the Full Charlie Brown. Ted the eternal fop, it turns out, is completely friendless. Except for wife and child, the man apparently is an island, even at work. A dude without buds.

Who'd-a thunk it? Ted Forth, Social Leper.

Today, we pity Ted, the way you pity Charlie Brown after everyone mocks his Christmas tree and he slinks off alone, defeated. Except for one thing:

Ted Forth does not seem to pity himself for a second. He has accepted this friendless fate without grumble or complaint. Which makes it all the more disturbing, because we're left with two possibilities:

1. Either Ted is a noble sufferer who endures his life of quiet desperation; or
2. The man is slowly, sweetly losing his grip -- as if he's a few panels short of a full Sunday comic.

Whatever the case, we sincerely hope Ted can find a friend. Which is where you come in, readers. It's time for Mission: Find Ted a Friend. Let's cast about the comics pages. Which character do you think would best match up with Mr. Forth?

By Michael Cavna  | September 10, 2008; 6:00 AM ET
Categories:  The Morning Line  
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"Doug" from Tom the Dancing Bug is always up for a new gig.

Posted by: MaryB | September 10, 2008 8:13 AM | Report abuse

Lemont Brown from Candoville would be good. They're both insanely geeky. Rob Wilco would be good to.

Posted by: EricS | September 10, 2008 9:57 AM | Report abuse

Rob Wilco from Get Fuzzy. Both Rob and Ted do a fair amount of couch sitting, Rob would get to see beyond his own dysfunctional apartment life, and during barbeques and Super Bowl parties, Hil and Faye could take on Bucky and Satchel. Perhaps then Faye and Bucky can take over the world, while Sally sets Rob up with Alice from her office. See, it's a win for everyone!

Posted by: MeganT | September 10, 2008 10:21 AM | Report abuse

Hey, Ted's a good guy. Watches Battlestar Gallactica. Hey Ted, meet me at the SciFi convention in LA next May.

(yes, I'm serious!)

Posted by: MSchafer | September 10, 2008 10:29 AM | Report abuse

Ted had a friend when he worked at the toy store. Maybe the new/old job is bothering him more than he lets on,

Posted by: jimbo1949 | September 10, 2008 10:40 AM | Report abuse

Brandy from Liberty Meadows. Of, course, she's the answer to everything, but it would be fun to watch Sally squirm for a few weeks. Maybe he could meet her at some company softball league event.

Posted by: Thor | September 10, 2008 10:51 AM | Report abuse

Iron Man!

Posted by: Pete234 | September 10, 2008 10:53 AM | Report abuse

What's wrong with talking about Voltron?!

Posted by: DB | September 10, 2008 11:06 AM | Report abuse

Maybe he should hang with Steve Dallas, and get his cojones back....

Posted by: JkR | September 10, 2008 11:08 AM | Report abuse

I love, Ted. he doesn't threaten my masculinity at all.

Posted by: Horacio | September 10, 2008 12:01 PM | Report abuse

What about good old Charlie Brown, they could get really depressed together. Then again, think about Ted's age, maybe he really is CB all grown up, he changed his name to put it all behind him!

Posted by: Roy | September 10, 2008 12:36 PM | Report abuse

Ted seems like the mildly handicapped child who plays with the kids 3 or 4 years younger than him on the playground. I think he and the kid from zits would get along well

Posted by: FTI | September 10, 2008 2:10 PM | Report abuse

Arlo from Arlo&Janis or possibly Kevin from Kevin&Kell. Hmm... neither of which are in the Post... Maybe that guy from Baby Blues?

Posted by: Todd in Fairfax | September 10, 2008 4:21 PM | Report abuse

Let's see, Ted could hang out at the cafe from "Rudy Park" or get a job with "Curtis"'s father. Either choice would open up new horizons for him. I also think Hilary would benefit from a friendship with Curtis. He'd be better company than Faye

Posted by: rokkinrobin55 | September 10, 2008 9:27 PM | Report abuse

fr jkR:

>Maybe he should hang with Steve Dallas, and get his cojones back....<

SNORK! Which Steve Dallas, the old utterly obnoxious one or the new one?

Posted by: Alex | September 11, 2008 3:26 PM | Report abuse

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