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Posted at 11:00 AM ET, 10/31/2008

Who'll Win the White House? Cartoonists Issue Their Predictions

By Michael Cavna

As TV's campaign pundits chirp like nocturnal birds of prey, the buzzwords can begin to blend together. Listen too long, and it all becomes its own nonsensical night-song.

Honestly, bend an ear and you will nearly hear: "Spread-the-wealth-when-rogue-diva-field-dresses-Karl-Marx-then-international-crisis-but-media-in-the-tank-for-Joe-the-Plumber! ... You-betcha!"

Sorry, but we need a reprieve from all this tweeting and a-Twittering. So let us seek sanctuary by consulting savvy observers, who are highly trained in conveying ideas in just a few lines.

Political cartoonists -- a nation turns its weary ears to you.

Comic Riffs asked some of the country's sharpest editorial cartoonists to tell us once and for all: Who will win the White House come Tuesday? Not ones to mince words, these tart-tongued artists offered their presidential predictions.

With all the wild twists and turns of this campaign (people say Aaron Sorkin is writing the script ), I imagine we'll wake up on Nov, 5 to President-elect Palin. McCain will have won in a squeaker and then be found dead in his bed, tied up with old Neiman Marcus bags and done in with a moose jawbone. Just you wait.

My prediction is: Right before the final election results are in, Veep Dick Cheney emerges from his undisclosed location, declares a national emergency and sends Bush to Crawford and McCain back to the Senate. The vice president then anoints Sarah Palin as commander-in-chief and continues his reign for the next eight years.

JEN SORENSON (Slowpoke Comics)
I have long said that I will be pleasantly surprised if Obama wins. It's hard to deny what the polls are saying at this point, so I'll amend my position to say: I'm pessimistically optimistic. The fact that [Obama] is doing so well in Virginia leads me to believe he'll give McCain a decent thumpin'.

Will it be a tough race to (robo-)call? (The San Diego Union-Tribune/Creators)Enlarge Comic

STEVE BREEN (The San Diego Union-Tribune/Creators):
I predict Obama -- but not by a landslide.

I hope that Barry is the victor on Nov. 4 by a landslide. However, the cynic in me is afraid that the GOP will pull more underhanded tricks from their muck holes to tip the scales in their favor. This has been one ugly election season, and I hope it ends soon, without tears.

TED RALL (Universal Press Syndicate):
Republicans will use challengers and other sleazy tactics to reduce Democratic turnout in Ohio and elsewhere, but Obama's real lead is so comfortable that it will be insufficient to deny him a victory.
In the popular vote, I pick Obama by 3.7 points over McCain.
In the electoral map, I pick Obama. He will win 304 electoral votes.

He who gaffes last ... (The Record [Bergen County])Enlarge Comic

JIMMY MARGULIES (The [Bergen] Record, N.J.)
By a 5-4 vote, the Supreme Court awards the presidency to John McCain. McCain, bowing to concerns about his age, and to lagging doubts about him among fellow Republicans, decides to step down and let Sarah Palin be the president. Whereupon, President Palin shuts down all the liberal media, and this story never sees the light of day.

MIKHAELA REID (The Boiling Point)
I'd like to say Obama, but I lack the psychic power to peer into the hearts and minds of rigged Diebold machines all across this great land.

By Michael Cavna  | October 31, 2008; 11:00 AM ET
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Next: Obama Wins? Yes, 'Doonesbury' Calls the Election!

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