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Posted at 1:05 PM ET, 06/17/2009

Why Sean Hannity Should Play 'Captain America'

By Michael Cavna

Sean Hannity, Keith Olbermann, Stephen Colbert (Fox News; MSNBC; REUTERS/Steve Manuel/USO/Handout)

So as we begin in earnest to cast a star for "Captain America," The Movie, some of the early offerings by 'Riffs readers are inspired. On look alone, an Aaron Eckhart or a Simon Baker might be just the guy.

Thing is, Steve Rogers is not just about the suit and the hairstyle, natch. Cap must bleed patriotism, must have that Old Glory glint in his star-spangled eye that says: Give me your poor, huddled masses, and I will give you a towering dream of democracy to clutch to your bosom as if it were a mint-condition copy of 1938's "Action Comics No. 1." (Superman's introduction, dontcha know.)

So who is -- or at least proclaims to be -- the Truest Patriot in the Land? Based on that criterion, 'Riffs offers these three candidates to don the Captain America movie suit:

1. STEPHEN COLBERT: Freshly returned from Iraq, Stephen is such a truly generous American that he's willing to let almost anybody touch his Peabody. (Well, for the right street-value price.) And he is such a Captain America fan, he has the superhero's memorabilia plastered on the fake walls of his set (next to other items that apparently mean so little to him that he refuses to take them home). But just look into those bespectacled peepers and you will see the very essence of Truthiness, Justice and Great Americans Who Still Insist Upon French Pronunciations of Their Surnames.

Colbert's X-Factor: Marvel honcho Joe Quesada is a friend of the show.

2. SEAN HANNITY: You want proof that Hannity can shake off foes with the ease of Captain America dispatching a pesky villain? Then ask yourself just one question: When was the last time you heard anyone, anywhere utter the words "Alan Colmes"?

And just look at the similarities: Steve, a hero of Irish descent, starred in "Captain America, Sentinel of Liberty." Sean, a host of Irish descent, wrote the book: "Let Freedom Ring: Winning the War of Liberty Over Liberalism."

Hannity's X-Factor: Both have the sort of thick neck needed to support such a heady identity.

3. KEITH OLBERMANN: Like Captain America, Keith Olbermann has ongoing feuds with those in his universe. Both Olbermann and Steve Rogers love living in New York. Like Cap, Olbermann also had a famed sidekick; Dan Patrick used to introduce Olbermann with the phrase "saving the democracy."

Olbermann's X-Factor: Sign that he's a true patriot -- he reportedly belongs to the Society for American Baseball Research.

'CAPTAIN AMERICA' (Marvel Comics)

By Michael Cavna  | June 17, 2009; 1:05 PM ET
Categories:  Superheroes  
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Colbert...why not. Actually I was thinking Billy Zane for the part.

Posted by: ZeldaJane | June 17, 2009 2:39 PM | Report abuse

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