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Posted at 12:10 PM ET, 06/17/2009

You Must Remember This: A Kiss That's Just a Miss

By The Reliable Source

The quickie roundup of today's 'toons, from the trite to the true...

'ZITS' (SOURCE)Enlarge Image

It's time, obviously, for an intervention. The sweetly green Jeremy Duncan sucks -- or more precisely, OVERsucks -- at Liplocking 101, and it quickly becomes clear: Sara is not the girl to coach JD on the finer points of Introductory Facesucking.

Casting a knowing eye across the funnypages, we wonder: Who is schooled enough in the Locker Bay Liplock to properly teach Jeremy in the arts of intimacy? Could it be the saucy, increasingly tarted-up Luann? Or perhaps the Mean Cheerleaders in "Judge Parker"?

So the Official 'Riffs Reader Question: Which cartoon character could best coach Jeremy in the ways of kissing?


'MARK TRAIL' (NAS)Enlarge Image

At last, a Ginormous Woodland Creature appears to speak the inconvenient truth about the chemical spillage. Tomorrow, kids, watch as Steroid-Sized Squirrels deadlift the offending chemical drums themselves!

'SPIDER-MAN' (KFS)Enlarge Image

Watch Spidey get political! Who knew Peter was so well-versed in Wall Street. Tomorrow, kids, watch Spidey advise Geithner on bailouts!

'TANK McNAMARA' (UPS)Enlarge Image

Compton, eh? So "Tank" -- in not-so-veiled terms -- is accusing Venus and (especially) Serena Williams of locker-room thuggery? In person, I found Venus to be tres-charming. It was only her pops who nearly clipped me down in that speedy golf cart, haha.

By The Reliable Source  | June 17, 2009; 12:10 PM ET
Categories:  The Morning Line  
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Okay, we get it. You don't like Mark Trail. Enough already.

Posted by: kcghost | June 17, 2009 12:59 PM | Report abuse

What about Tiffany from Luann? She's never afraid to reform her love interests (when it's for her benefit). Remember a few years ago when she gave Gunther a makeover a few years ago? That said, Jeremy's lack of, uh, "lip skills" would be an easy fix for Tiffany.

Posted by: goldpress | June 17, 2009 1:22 PM | Report abuse

Who to instruct Jeremy? How about Edda from 9 Chickweed Lane? I'd mention Brandy from Liberty Meadows but I don't think Jeremy would survive that lesson.

Posted by: AndrewfromNH | June 17, 2009 1:24 PM | Report abuse

I was thinking older woman for Jeremy, from Judge Parker's group of ladies...any one will do. Andrewfrom NH has it right, Brandy would be lethal. Edda would not "waste her time".

Posted by: ZeldaJane | June 17, 2009 2:36 PM | Report abuse

The comics character who is drawn to appear especially "kissable" has always been Brenda Starr. With those lips, her initials "BS" should really stand for "Bee-Stung". Given the economic status of the newspaper business, everyone's favorite Starr reporter would be well advised to abandon journalism for a new career as a Kissing Tutor. Let a cougar show you the ropes, Jeremy!

Posted by: seismic-2 | June 17, 2009 4:09 PM | Report abuse

Based on Serena's threatening to "get" Maria Jose Martinez Sanchez in the locker room after the "cheating" incident at the recent French Open. Guess you're not a tennis fan...

Posted by: pltrgyst | June 17, 2009 5:41 PM | Report abuse

>> pltrgyst:

yep, indeed, that's clearly the incident TANK is satirizing -- just didn't think the satire hit its mark.

Here's the press conference, btw, in which Serena drops the "Compton" reference (just over 2 minutes in):

(* Speaking of the French: Swell to see Federer tie Sampras.)


Posted by: cavnam | June 17, 2009 6:15 PM | Report abuse

Yo jeremy, where's Becker?

Posted by: jimbo1949 | June 17, 2009 9:38 PM | Report abuse

please not Edda, Jeremy would never survive or be the same again! She doesn't "suck face" she eats you alive!

Posted by: 2old2readcomics | June 18, 2009 2:48 AM | Report abuse

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