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Posted at 9:30 AM ET, 01/10/2010

Anniversary special: The 20 best things HOMER SIMPSON ever said

By Michael Cavna


Even though many viewers have drifted away from regularly tuning in to the once-mighty "The Simpsons" (D'oh!), the Show That Helped Build a Network (with a nod to Tracey "Mama" Ullman) itself still stands as one of TV's great popular achievements. And tonight, Fox will celebrate the 20th anniversary of Matt Groening's creation with a half-hour episode and a one-hour documentary by Morgan Spurlock. (BYO Duff.)

To salute this 20-year milestone ourselves, we've culled 20 of our favorite "Simpsons" lines ever. Or more specifically: Since it was Homer who has gotten the best lines so much of the time, we've culled 20 of our favorite Homer Simpson lines.

Whether being an oblivious idiot or a self-aware boob, Homer is oh-so-readily mined for comedy gold. So here they are, straight outta Springfield: Comic Riffs' "Simpsons" Top Twenty. Because when it comes to quoting Homer, two decades of "The Idiot and the Odyssey" have made for one bloody funny journey...


20. Homer [drunk]: "See, the thing about my family is there are five of 'em: Marge, Bart, girl Bart, the one that doesn't talk and the fat guy. Oh, how I loathe him."

19. Sideshow Bob: "Homer, how can one man have so many enemies?"
Homer: "I'm a people person."

18. "I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world."

17. Bart: "Dad, is this art or is it vandalism?"
Homer: "That's for the courts to decide."

16. [Comforting] "There, there. Shut up, boy."

15. Bart: "I smell a museum."
Homer: "Yeah, good things don't end with 'eum.' They end with 'mania' or 'teria.' "

14. Marge: "This is the worst thing you've ever done."
Homer: "You say that so often that it's lost all meaning."

13. "Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it."

12. Bart: "I want to be emancipated!"
Homer: "Emancipated? Why do you want that? Don't you like being a dude?"

11. [Ned Flanders has the ability to foresee one's death]
Ned: "Homer, you will die eating a submarine sandwich."
Homer: "What kind of bread is it?"
Ned: "Country parmesan."
Homer: "Woo-hoo!"

10. "Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand."

9. "I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for 10 minutes!"

8. [While listening by earpiece to a football game in church]
Homer: "Please, please, please, please ..."
Sports announcer (calling a kick): "Yes, it's good."
Homer: "It's good! IT'S GOOD. IT'S GOOD. It's ... good to see you all today."

7. "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: Never try."

6. "Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively."

5. Homer [to Marge]: "It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

4. "Books are useless! I only ever read one book, 'To Kill a Mockingbird,' and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin... but what good does that do me?"

3. "Here's to alcohol, the cause of -- and solution to -- all life's problems."

2. Homer: [to Marge]: "You know, I've had a lot of jobs... boxer, mascot, astronaut, imitation Krusty, baby-proofer, trucker, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, bodyguard for the mayor, country-western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power-plant worker, fortune-cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, homophobe and missionary. But protecting Springfield, that gives me the best feeling of all."

1. Homer: "D'oh!"


Do you have your own favorite "Simpsons" line -- by any character? Fire away. We'll grab a Duff and a donut as we count down till the special...


By Michael Cavna  | January 10, 2010; 9:30 AM ET
Categories:  The Animation  | Tags:  Homer Simpson, The Simpsons 20th-anniversary special  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Remembering 'GUMBY' creator Art Clokey
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Comments

"In our of show's 20th anniversary, we've compiled 20 of our all-time favorite Homer Simpson quotes."

Proofread!!

Posted by: simpleton1 | January 10, 2010 11:46 AM | Report abuse

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer"

Posted by: Ireader2 | January 10, 2010 11:56 AM | Report abuse

"My feet are soaked but my cuffs are bone dry! Everything's coming up Milhouse."

"You make Dame Edna look like a dude."

"She's like a female Eleanor Roosevelt."

"Oh, so they have the Internet on computers now."

"I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming."

"Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'"

"They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go."

Posted by: MindExplosionX | January 10, 2010 11:57 AM | Report abuse

#10 should read, "Hey! Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand!" Don't butcher a classic!

Posted by: soffrin | January 10, 2010 11:59 AM | Report abuse

"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."

Posted by: alexharisiadis | January 10, 2010 12:08 PM | Report abuse


"In our of show's 20th anniversary, we've compiled 20 of our all-time favorite Homer Simpson quotes."

Proofread!!

No Kidding! That is embarassing for a so called major newspaper.

Posted by: Axel2 | January 10, 2010 12:13 PM | Report abuse

"Beer beer beer! Bed bed bed!"

Posted by: Godfather_of_Goals | January 10, 2010 12:16 PM | Report abuse

Bart:

"Let me read to you from my play. Ahem. 'Kippers for breakfast, Aunt Helga? Is it St. Swithin's Day already?' 'Tis,' replied Aunt Helga!"

Posted by: Godfather_of_Goals | January 10, 2010 12:19 PM | Report abuse

Homer: "How come I have three kids and no money? I liked it better when I had no kids and three money!"

Posted by: Virginiadude1 | January 10, 2010 12:20 PM | Report abuse

Homer(changed named to Max Power): There's the right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way!
Lisa: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Only faster!

Posted by: sar04 | January 10, 2010 12:20 PM | Report abuse

Well excuse me for having huge flaws that I don't work on!

Posted by: JohninMpls | January 10, 2010 12:24 PM | Report abuse

Also, I think the follow-on line to quote 19 is "who drinks." So it actually gets funnier:

Sideshow Bob: "Homer, how can one man have so many enemies?"

Homer: "I'm a people person...who drinks."

Posted by: JohninMpls | January 10, 2010 12:26 PM | Report abuse

[NASA Official]: Mr. Simpson, there's no air in space.
Homer: There's an Air & Space Museum.

Homer: Sacrilicious.

Posted by: wcapen | January 10, 2010 12:26 PM | Report abuse

I'm looking for something in an after-dinner burrito.

Posted by: loringhurd | January 10, 2010 12:32 PM | Report abuse

"That's not a knife...THIS is a KNIFE!"
"That's not a knife it's a spoon!"
"Ah! I see you've played knifey spoony before!"

...and

"There's only one way out of our problems...a murder-suicide pact."
"How can you say something like that?"
(irritably)"It's JUST an expression Marge!"

Posted by: jazzis779 | January 10, 2010 12:34 PM | Report abuse

Homer: Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

Posted by: kentuckienne | January 10, 2010 12:38 PM | Report abuse

"I'll deal with those murderous trolls..."
"Huh?!?"
"I mean!...I'll deal with those murderous trolls..."

Posted by: jazzis779 | January 10, 2010 12:38 PM | Report abuse

I agree with "wcapen" above:

Sacrilicious!

Posted by: spunkydawg1 | January 10, 2010 12:38 PM | Report abuse

Lisa, after watching Homer lift a suitcase that's lighter than it should be: Maybe you're just getting stronger?

Homer: I have been eating more.


In another episode:

Marge: Homer, do you ever drink alone?

Homer: Does the Lord count as a person?

In another episode:

Homer: Yeah, but doesn't the Bible also say, "Thou shalt not take moochers into thy hut"?


Really, all the quotes the author chose were pretty lame. I'm thinking pseudofan.

Posted by: mlincoln1 | January 10, 2010 12:40 PM | Report abuse

America's health care system is second only to Japan... Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, ... well all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.

Posted by: RandySorenson | January 10, 2010 12:44 PM | Report abuse

Marge: What makes you think this Darryl Strawberry character is better than you?

Homer: Marge, forget it. He's bigger than me, faster than me, stronger than me, and he already has more friends around the plant than I do.

Bart: You make me sick, Homer. You're the one who told me I could do anything if I just put my mind to it!

Homer: Well, now that you're a little bit older, I can tell you that's a crock! No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.

Bart: Gotcha. Can't win, don't try.
-- Lesson for the day, ``Homer at the Bat''

Posted by: jfreer | January 10, 2010 12:45 PM | Report abuse

Two from one great episode:

Homer: No TV and no beer makes Homer something something.
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Dont mind if I do!

---

Come, family, let us bask in television's warm glowing warming glow...

Posted by: somethingsomething | January 10, 2010 12:45 PM | Report abuse

Bart: This is the worst day of my life.
Homer: The worst day of your life...so far.

Posted by: docmaxx | January 10, 2010 12:56 PM | Report abuse

Homer: You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
Bart: TV Sucks.
Homer: I know you're upset right now so I'll pretend you didn't say that!

Posted by: TheFingerman | January 10, 2010 1:00 PM | Report abuse

"I wanna shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I wanna explore the world. I wanna watch TV in a different time zone. I wanna visit strange, exotic malls. I’m sick of eating hoagies! I want a grinder, a sub, a foot-long hero! I want to live, Marge! Won’t you let me live? Won’t you, please?"

Posted by: tkavanag | January 10, 2010 1:04 PM | Report abuse


RALPH (to senior citizens): "Someone should iron you."

Posted by: Godfather_of_Goals | January 10, 2010 1:10 PM | Report abuse

"To start, press any key. Where's the 'Any' key?"

Posted by: capsfan4life | January 10, 2010 1:16 PM | Report abuse

Ralph deserves a list of his own. My favorite is "me fail english, that's unpossible."

Posted by: mark_32550 | January 10, 2010 1:19 PM | Report abuse

Oh sub, how could I be mad at you?

Posted by: JJB70 | January 10, 2010 1:26 PM | Report abuse

Look, I don't apologize. Sorry, but that's the way I am.

Posted by: Neale | January 10, 2010 1:28 PM | Report abuse


Bones heal, chicks dig scars, and the United States of America has the highest doctor to daredevil ratio in the world.

- Captain Lance Murdock

Posted by: FlyersFan27 | January 10, 2010 1:28 PM | Report abuse

Two from Marge:

When she failed at her pretzel company: "Take it from me kids, aim low. Aim so low no one will even care if you succeed."

And: "My Uncle had an expression: 'Shoot 'em all and let God decide.' Unfortunately, one day he decided to put his plan into action. Now let's never speak of him again."

Posted by: MikeTSAR | January 10, 2010 1:29 PM | Report abuse

20 Years on TV, 20 Years of American Decline. Coincidence?

Posted by: scoob1900 | January 10, 2010 1:33 PM | Report abuse

This one's always relevant to the workplace. I'm not sure I have it exactly right.

"Proactive? Paradigm? Aren't these just buzz words that dumb people use to sound important? I'm fired aren't I?"

- Itchy and Scratchy writer in Poochy episode

Posted by: FlyersFan27 | January 10, 2010 1:33 PM | Report abuse

"A mathematician,a different kind of mathematician, and a statistician"
- NASA announcer introducing 3 astronauts.

TV: "Are you on your third beer of the evening?"
Homer: "Does whiskey count as beer?"

Posted by: otmshank | January 10, 2010 1:33 PM | Report abuse

Homer is looking under the couch for food, and finds money:

Homer: "Aww, $20? But I wanted a peanut."
Homer's Brain: "20 dollars can buy many peanuts."
Homer: "Explain how."
Homer's brain: "Money can be exchanged for goods and services."
Homer: who-hoo!

Posted by: awsnyde | January 10, 2010 1:35 PM | Report abuse

"Television! Teacher...mother...secret lover."

And Ralph is definitely one of the most quotable characters. "The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there."

"Then the doctor said BOTH my eyes were lazy!"

Posted by: luckyjenn | January 10, 2010 1:57 PM | Report abuse

"Quick! Somebody give me the number for 911!"

Posted by: whizkidz1 | January 10, 2010 1:57 PM | Report abuse

If God didn't want you to eat animals, He wouldn't have made 'em out of meat.

Posted by: ernesto_funk | January 10, 2010 1:58 PM | Report abuse

Homer: You see, Marge? Do you see?
Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme?
Homer: Never, Marge! Never. I can't live the button-down life like
you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the
creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with
my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling
of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke
their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer
Simpson?"
Marge: Look, just get rid of the sugar, OK?
Homer: No! [Marge leaves]
[a swarm of bees lands on Homer and the sugar pile]
Aah! Hey, get off my sugar. Bad bees! Bad! [gets stung]
Ow. Oww! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow.

Posted by: dokbionic | January 10, 2010 2:13 PM | Report abuse

Skinner: Ah, "Diorama-Rama", my favorite school event next to "Hearing-
Test Thursday".
[he and Miss Hoover walk up to Nelson's diorama]
Hoover: "The Grapes of Wrath"? I don't get it.
Nelson: Here's the grapes...and here's the wrath!
[pounds grapes with a mallet, soaking Skinner and Miss Hoover]
[all the kids groan]
Skinner: [dismissive] Yes, yes, very good wrath.

Posted by: dokbionic | January 10, 2010 2:15 PM | Report abuse

Bart: Lis, I did some checking on this Alison character, and I know
it's against all your moral fibers --
Lisa: [grabs sheet] Give it to me. [chuckles] Hey, wait! There's
nothing bad here.
Bart: Yep, she's clean as a bean, but...I _did_ tip off the Feds as
to the whereabouts of our good friend Milhouse.
[Milhouse stands at the mouth of a large pipe with his hands
up, facing an agent pointing a gun at him]
Milhouse: I'm telling you, I didn't do anything.
Agent: I don't care.
Milhouse: [turns around, looks down, jumps...off a dam]
Aah...[hits churning water at bottom] Ouch! My glasses.

Posted by: dokbionic | January 10, 2010 2:17 PM | Report abuse

"OK brain, I don't like you, and you don't like me, but please get me through this test for the next two hours so I can continue to kill you with beer."

Posted by: ragingbull913 | January 10, 2010 2:28 PM | Report abuse

The Secret to Professional Success “I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: ‘Cover for me.’ Number 2: ‘Oh, good idea, Boss!’ Number 3: ‘It was like that when I got here.’”

Posted by: mikeob1 | January 10, 2010 2:29 PM | Report abuse

When I was 17
I had some very good beer
I had some very good beer
That I purchased
With a fake ID
My name was Brian McGee
I stayed up listening to Queen
When I was 17

Posted by: ragingbull913 | January 10, 2010 2:31 PM | Report abuse

Come on Bart! Remember what Vince Lambardi said. "If you lose, you're out of the family."

Posted by: mikem1 | January 10, 2010 2:31 PM | Report abuse

"I may not know that much about God, but I have to say we built an awfully nice cage for him." --Homer Simpson, after motivating islanders to build a church

Posted by: boscojones | January 10, 2010 2:37 PM | Report abuse

How about almost the entire episode of "The Trouble With Trillions"?

Homer: Look at those morons! I paid my taxes over a year ago!

---

Homer: Marge! How many kids do we have? Oh, no time to count, I'll just estimate! Uh... nine!

---

Fidel Castro: Comrads, our nation is completely bankrupt! We have no choice but to abandon communism!
Castro's Aide #1, Castro's Associates: [sigh]
Fidel Castro: I know, I know, I know... but we all knew from day one this mumbo jumbo wouldn't fly! I'll call Washington and tell them they won.
Castro's Aide #1: But presidente, America tried to kill you!
Fidel Castro: Ah, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco!
[Aide #2 whispers something into his ear]
Fidel Castro: It's full of what?

---

Mr. Burns: Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I guess I'm guilty as charged. And, if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I guess I'm guilty of that, too. And, if it's a crime to bribe a jury, God help me, I'll soon be guilty of that as well!

Posted by: Lenggries | January 10, 2010 2:40 PM | Report abuse

Chief Wiggum: "Uh, you got the wrong number. This is nine one ... two."

Posted by: JeffRandom | January 10, 2010 2:47 PM | Report abuse

Homer on telephone reporting on some sort of emergency:

"What's the number for 9-1-1?

Posted by: charlie12 | January 10, 2010 2:47 PM | Report abuse

Ralph: Me fail English? That's unpossible!

Posted by: rjm1 | January 10, 2010 2:51 PM | Report abuse

"...so unless TV and the movies have lied to me..."

Posted by: watman62 | January 10, 2010 2:52 PM | Report abuse

Homer from the Monorail episode -

" Doughnuts , is there anything they can't do ?"

Posted by: DuttonPeabody | January 10, 2010 2:54 PM | Report abuse

Homer singing as his house burns down in the background: I am so smart...I am so smart. S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T!

Posted by: zjl24 | January 10, 2010 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Police Chief Clancy Wiggum:
"Well, you can't expect us to "police" the whole city."

Homer:
"If at first you don't succeed, learn to never try."

"Dear Lord.. The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal"

Posted by: delantero | January 10, 2010 3:04 PM | Report abuse

Ralph laying on his back -

I'm a gulch

Posted by: DuttonPeabody | January 10, 2010 3:05 PM | Report abuse

Several great lines from the Simpsons Movie

Spiderpig's Pigcrap Silo

Marge: Ugh that silo is leaking!
Homer: It's not leaking, it's overflowing..
Marge: He(Spiderpig) filled the whole silo in one day!!??
Homer: Well I helped.
---------
Bart gets arrested for skateboarding in the nude and Homer goes to pick him up

Bart: Dad you forgot my shorts!!
Homer: Who do I look like Tommy Bahama?
---------
Homer going to rescue the people of the Dome

Guard: Hey who are you?
Homer: I am General Marriot Suites!

Posted by: ganalston | January 10, 2010 3:17 PM | Report abuse

Homer, at the post office, trying to get back a nasty letter he sent to Mr. Burns:

'Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me."

Postal clerk: "OK, Mr. Burns. What's your first name?"

Homer: "I don't know..."

Posted by: westkurtliz | January 10, 2010 3:27 PM | Report abuse

"Butter that bacon boy...i said butter it"

"why do i have to spend my Sundays learning about how i'm going to hell"

"women will like what i tell them to like"

"but i don't even believe in Jeebus....SAVE ME JEEEEEEBUUUUUS"

Posted by: pershy@aol.com | January 10, 2010 3:29 PM | Report abuse

"Don't blame me, *I* voted for Kodos."

Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

"I don't know what you're in, but it's not *my* face."

Posted by: charodon | January 10, 2010 3:36 PM | Report abuse

Homer: Mmmmm... forbidden donut...

Homer: Doh! Garbage water! Hate world. Revenge soon. Take out on everyone.

Lisa's Tap Teacher: I'm sorry, Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part when they're clearly not equal is called what, again, class?
Class: Communism!
Teacher: That's right. And I didn't tap all those Morse code messages to the Allies 'til my shoes filled with blood to just roll out the welcome mat for the Reds.

Homer: The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Random Guy: That's a RIGHT triangle, you idiot!
Homer: Doh!

Homer's only love letter to Marge (written while drunk): Dear Marge, you've got a butt that won't quit... they've got these little pretzels and... (random babbling)... aifje qwasuihdfu sfhguk TWO DOLLARS?!? Get outta here...

(Trying not to have a work affair)
Homer: Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts.

Ralph: My cat's breath smells like cat food!
Ralph: I choo-choo-choo-choose you!

(Rolling fruit down the bus aisle)
Bart: Let's hear it for orange!
Nelson: C'mon grapefruit!
Ralph: Go banana!

Posted by: HollyWDC | January 10, 2010 3:38 PM | Report abuse

Homer: "But Marge, trying is the first step on the road to failure!"

Posted by: gsimonel | January 10, 2010 3:40 PM | Report abuse

Professor John I.Q. Nerdelbaum Frink, Jr. -

I thought I heard the sound of a woman measuring .

Posted by: DuttonPeabody | January 10, 2010 3:40 PM | Report abuse

Ghost: I am Caesar Chavez.
Homer: Then why do you look like Caesar Romero?
Ghost: Because you do not know what Caesar Chavez looks like.

Posted by: HollyWDC | January 10, 2010 3:40 PM | Report abuse

Burns: Oh, quit cogitating, Steinmetz, and use an open-faced club. The sand wedge!
Homer: Mmm... open-faced club sandwich.

Administrator: And what are your reasons for wanting a Little Brother?
Homer's brain: Don't say revenge! Don't say revenge!
Homer: Uh, revenge?
Homer's brain: That's it, I'm gettin' outta here. [footsteps, and a door slam]

Posted by: charodon | January 10, 2010 3:45 PM | Report abuse

Homer: Now what do you have to wash that awful taste out of my mouth?
Vendor: Mountain Dew or crab juice.
Homer: Ewwww! I'll take a crab juice.

Posted by: charodon | January 10, 2010 3:50 PM | Report abuse

[Agent 1] When I say hello Mr thompson, you'll say hi

[Homer] check

[Agent 1] hello mr. thompson

[Homer] {blank stare}

[Agent 1] Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson

[Homer] I gotcha

[Agent 1] Hello Mr. Thompson

[Homer] {blank stare}

....

[Agent 1] Uhhh, now when I say hello mr thompson and press down on your foot, you smile and nod

[Homer] no problem

[Agent 1] Hello mr thompson [stomping on Homer's foot while Homer looks]

[Homer] {blank stare} ... I think he's talking to you.

Posted by: MylesJ00 | January 10, 2010 3:54 PM | Report abuse

HOMER:
♫ I like pizza, I like bagels,
I like hot dogs with mustard and beer.
I'll eat eggplant!
I might even eat a baby deer.
(Lalalala la la la la, lala)
Who's the baby deer on the lawn there?♫
_____________________________

NED: Can't put a price on a miracle!
APU: I can't believe you don't shut up.

_____________________________

RALPH (To Bart): That's where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things.

Posted by: Godfather_of_Goals | January 10, 2010 3:55 PM | Report abuse

Professor John I.Q. Nerdelbaum Frink, Jr. -

"Father and I got along like positrons and antineutrinos!".

Posted by: DuttonPeabody | January 10, 2010 4:13 PM | Report abuse

Homer (to Bart): Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.

Posted by: joeshred | January 10, 2010 4:52 PM | Report abuse

"Ahh the Luftwaffe. The Washington Generals of the History Channel."

Posted by: Dorf | January 10, 2010 6:11 PM | Report abuse

Doctor: What you need is a good, long rest. I suggest Florida.
Homer: Florida? But that's America's wang!
Doctor: They prefer, "The Sunshine State."
----------------
Homer: Your Honor, I'd like to defend myself. Drunken hicks of the jury...

Posted by: frenchyb | January 10, 2010 6:48 PM | Report abuse

Homer, after Lisa invents a perpetual motion machine: "In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

Posted by: gr_pilot | January 10, 2010 8:00 PM | Report abuse

Homer to his coworkers (on the umpteenth occasion of his retirement from the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant):

"I'm going to miss you all; you people are truly the glue that binds the gears of this great institution...!"

Posted by: Homeo | January 10, 2010 9:34 PM | Report abuse

Wow, 74 comments in and we seem to have missed...

Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.

Posted by: Lindemann777 | January 11, 2010 11:32 AM | Report abuse

Mmmmmmm...floor pie.

Posted by: 1stTimer | January 11, 2010 2:16 PM | Report abuse

Keep going y'all. Eventually I'll be able to piece together every script from every episode of the last 20 seasons.

:)

Posted by: SportzNut21 | January 17, 2010 7:41 PM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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