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Posted at 1:45 PM ET, 02/14/2011

V-DAY CAPTION CONTEST: Enter now by writing this Nick Galifianakis cartoon

By Michael Cavna


valnick.jpg YOUR CAPTION HERE (Cartoon by Nick Galifianakis for Comic Riffs contest)


Here at Comic Riffs, we're in the mood today to spread our wry brand of love. And what better way -- truly -- than by bringing in syndicated Carolyn Hax artist Nick Galifianakis -- aka "the relationship cartoonist"?

Nick, of course, is the author of the highly entertaining new book "If You Loved Me, You'd Think This Was Cute: Uncomfortably True Cartoons About You" (swell preface by Hax; very funny foreword by cousin Zach Galifianakis). The cartoonist, in fact, is currently on book tour, having recently popped into D.C,'s Politics and Prose before continuing on up the Eastern Seaboard.

So in the spirit of Valentine's Day, Comic Riffs introduces our first Nick Galifianakis Reader Caption Contest.

Nick drew the original comic at the top of this blogpost. Write the winning caption and you'll receive a signed copy of the cartoon from Nick himself!

So to enter, there are merely two simple steps:

1. Leave your suggested captions in the Comments below (till 11:59 p.m. Friday, Feb. 18).
2. Then check back here next week to see a gallery of the finalists -- and Nick's pick for the best.

Till then, happy Valentine's Day. And make sure to check out today's Comic Riffs gallery of Our Ten Eye-Catching Valentine's Cartoons of the Day.

Good luck!

By Michael Cavna  | February 14, 2011; 1:45 PM ET
Categories:  The Caption Contest, The E-Mailbag  | Tags:  Carolyn Hax, Comic Riffs Contest, Nick Galifianakis Caption Contest  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: CUPID'S NIB: Our 10 Eye-Catching Valentine's Cartoons of the Day
Next: VIDEO OF THE DAY: Matchmaking made for superhero lovers

Comments

So then I said to myself, "Why am I wasting all these arrows on helping other losers get a hot woman"

Posted by: BearmanCartoons | February 14, 2011 2:31 PM | Report abuse

"...and then he gave her his Mothers ring. It's gonna be epic. And to think, if I hadn't been here with you, knocking back a few the night before, I would never have missed my original target..."

Posted by: TinaSenatra | February 14, 2011 2:34 PM | Report abuse

And I told him, "Look, I was chubby when we met," and he said "Yeah, but you MADE me fall in love with you," and well, I couldn't really argue with him there.

Posted by: anonymice | February 14, 2011 2:35 PM | Report abuse

So I said, “Buy me a drink - or your girl friend gets it.”

Posted by: jmurphy1501 | February 14, 2011 2:48 PM | Report abuse

...so I figure after all of these years of spreading love, I'm owed a little _me_ time.

Posted by: tinfoiltiara | February 14, 2011 2:53 PM | Report abuse

That's great, jmurphy.

Posted by: anonymice | February 14, 2011 3:12 PM | Report abuse

After the crappy way he treated his ex, what better revenge than the arrow... he begged her to take him back.

Posted by: lumpster1 | February 14, 2011 3:21 PM | Report abuse

He calls me "Chubsy", so I follow him to the men's room and wait for him to look in the mirror before I nail him with an arrow. Then I say, "Go screw yourself!"

Posted by: mken | February 14, 2011 3:41 PM | Report abuse

They all love me now, but just wait till they sober up in the morning.

Posted by: elyrest | February 14, 2011 3:41 PM | Report abuse

So ... then she says: "Is that your arrow or are you just REALLY glad to see me?!"

Posted by: tmulvi | February 14, 2011 3:59 PM | Report abuse

"So he says, 'OK, so . . . initiate lots of physical contact, talk loud to assert myself, give her a test command and see if she follows it . . . anything else?' And I say, 'Yeah--tell her to buy you a drink. It shows you think she's an equal.'"

Posted by: EZReader | February 14, 2011 4:11 PM | Report abuse

"All I asked was if she knew any nice single guys over 40 looking for nice single woman their own age..."

Posted by: sgoewey | February 14, 2011 4:14 PM | Report abuse

"With same-sex marriage in DC, that opens up a whole new avenue!"

Posted by: daveb59 | February 14, 2011 5:01 PM | Report abuse

Sure, they think we're cute and funny now, but will they go home with us?? Not til we show them that we can put pants on and show them the money...love shlove!

Posted by: caseywisec | February 14, 2011 5:03 PM | Report abuse

Its not how big YOU are, its the size of your arrows

Posted by: rbuzz21 | February 14, 2011 5:04 PM | Report abuse

"The Aristocrats!"

Posted by: Pooterlynn | February 14, 2011 5:10 PM | Report abuse

YOU know I'm just a cherub, but they think I'm Cupid. I haven't had to buy a meal or a drink in months!

Posted by: lydandy | February 14, 2011 5:12 PM | Report abuse

You're gonna ask her to do WHAT!!!!
Silly

Posted by: donnasmiller | February 14, 2011 5:13 PM | Report abuse

High speed Rail! What's next Cap and Trade??

Posted by: jbratten | February 14, 2011 5:22 PM | Report abuse

"Of -course- I use arrows for my own benefit!"

Posted by: ickyfoot | February 14, 2011 5:23 PM | Report abuse

"Of -course- I use arrows for my own benefit! Just don't tell Psyche..."

Posted by: ickyfoot | February 14, 2011 5:24 PM | Report abuse

"..and then the song 'What's Love Got To Do With It' started playing. You should have seen the look she gave me. So much for the 'Genius Bar'."

Posted by: smfoster3 | February 14, 2011 5:28 PM | Report abuse

There's really no secret formula, I just aim for the one that most reminds me of his mother.

Posted by: i801711 | February 14, 2011 5:32 PM | Report abuse

Don't give me that look. They were tourists looking for a "local" place.

Posted by: amarco1 | February 14, 2011 5:36 PM | Report abuse

One more round, they'll realize they are meant for each other and I'll be done for another year.

Posted by: lauriebellcontact | February 14, 2011 5:36 PM | Report abuse

"Yea, I have missed and hit the wrong person before...Remember Lyle Lovett?"

Posted by: rc95959 | February 14, 2011 5:37 PM | Report abuse

And that is when I got controlling interest in Hallmark and Russell Stover.

Posted by: i801711 | February 14, 2011 5:38 PM | Report abuse

We went wrong somewhere, we're not supposed to be the naked ones!

Posted by: lynnlovesplants | February 14, 2011 5:41 PM | Report abuse

Oh, these two? Alone, on Valentine's day? I'm catnip, baby.

Posted by: vicwhiskey21 | February 14, 2011 5:50 PM | Report abuse

No, it wasn't love at first sight. In fact, she told me she was old enough to be my mother.

Posted by: ethaninseattle | February 14, 2011 5:52 PM | Report abuse

So I says to her, I says, look, shweetheart, I don't care how much money yous got or how many networks yous "OWN"... there ain't no freak'in STEDMAN on my list!

Posted by: 3MMM | February 14, 2011 5:53 PM | Report abuse

She told me I had her at hello. So I put away the arrow and called it a day.

Posted by: chasb72 | February 14, 2011 5:54 PM | Report abuse

I don't think they know who I am. They keep asking me for trading tips. I'm just going with it.

Posted by: readerl | February 14, 2011 5:57 PM | Report abuse

So then it ricocheted off and hit him and a premium cut top loin. So much for meatless Mondays.

Posted by: skiinngg | February 14, 2011 6:02 PM | Report abuse

I told them V.Secret was doing a men's line.

Posted by: readerl | February 14, 2011 6:10 PM | Report abuse

"To my left, his first ex-wife. To my right, his second, and the first just told her who he's dating now."

Posted by: djheydt | February 14, 2011 6:16 PM | Report abuse

"Even if you don't like them, at least they'll spring for free drinks."

Posted by: hbherman | February 14, 2011 6:17 PM | Report abuse

After a few drinks, Derrick, the near sighted cupid, relived his favorite stories about hitting the wrong targets and the resulting mayhem…

Posted by: jhester | February 14, 2011 6:22 PM | Report abuse

"Within a couple of years my targets usually tell me they wish I'd used Curare."

Posted by: jcriss01 | February 14, 2011 6:23 PM | Report abuse

They didn't believe me when I told them this really is just a beer and wings kind of bar.

Posted by: cpwdc | February 14, 2011 6:36 PM | Report abuse

I'd like to introduce Baby Pearson and Patty Rhode, so make that one for my baby and one more for the road.

Posted by: NevadaHoya | February 14, 2011 6:39 PM | Report abuse

....so how do you think I rang the doorbell?

Posted by: je121819 | February 14, 2011 6:54 PM | Report abuse

Justin Bieber...Really?!

Posted by: lance_dc7777 | February 14, 2011 7:04 PM | Report abuse

We're butt-naked already - what more do we have to do to prove to them we really exist?

Posted by: cpwdc | February 14, 2011 7:08 PM | Report abuse

Not THOSE spirits!

Posted by: ZeroHero0 | February 14, 2011 7:12 PM | Report abuse

Not THOSE spirits!

Posted by: ZeroHero0 | February 14, 2011 7:17 PM | Report abuse

Forget the arrows, just ply them with alcohol.

Posted by: mitra1 | February 14, 2011 7:21 PM | Report abuse

Actually the Devil was kinda a cute--although a bit horny for my tastes.

Posted by: fattherat | February 14, 2011 7:24 PM | Report abuse

I was aiming at her ex-husband's heart, but this lady here "accidentally" bumped my elbow just as I let go of the arrow. You won't believe where I hit him!

Posted by: rewedin | February 14, 2011 7:28 PM | Report abuse

So, I just plunked Rev Fred Phelps with one of my gay arrows...

Posted by: 809212876 | February 14, 2011 7:29 PM | Report abuse

So an Angel walks into a bar and says, 'I'm here for Cupid. Apparently Cupid has a help wanted ad - Angels accepted. Do you think fallen angels need apply?'

Posted by: jackrussellterrier | February 14, 2011 7:35 PM | Report abuse

What did the German kid say when he pushed his little brother off a cliff? "Look, mother, no Hans!"

Posted by: 3MMM | February 14, 2011 7:55 PM | Report abuse

"Hey, dude, I could really use a wing man..."

Posted by: oreallyfactor | February 14, 2011 8:05 PM | Report abuse

...So, then she says "disarm, buddy, I make my own choices!" and here we are!

Posted by: HImom | February 14, 2011 8:17 PM | Report abuse

"I told you Not to Put So Much Potion on the Arrows".

Posted by: CPB1 | February 14, 2011 8:39 PM | Report abuse

"...so he says 'It's just a commercial holiday made up by card companies and florists.' Then she reaches over, pulls the arrow out of his a** and... here we are!"

Posted by: HImom | February 14, 2011 8:50 PM | Report abuse

How about a foursome?

Posted by: bal503 | February 14, 2011 8:57 PM | Report abuse

...and then I said, "Do you really think I asked for a ten inch pianist?"

Posted by: moleg | February 14, 2011 9:24 PM | Report abuse

My success ratings have gone way up since I started following these internet dating sites...

Posted by: troisieme | February 14, 2011 9:45 PM | Report abuse

Funny . . . you look more like a plumber to me . . .

Posted by: TomC1 | February 14, 2011 9:54 PM | Report abuse

And then he mooned me ... what else could I do?

Posted by: JPMcC | February 14, 2011 10:08 PM | Report abuse

Sure, they laugh at my jokes, accept the drinks, LOVE the arrows, but when I ask for their digits then it's all, "Sorry, I don't date short men".

Posted by: MariaTk | February 14, 2011 10:32 PM | Report abuse

Seriously ... stick-on wings to land the guest bartender and bouncer gig, all because our moms wanted free drinks and no cover charge?!

Posted by: afactor13 | February 14, 2011 10:41 PM | Report abuse

Yeah, so I'm just driving home after a solid day's work when this truck starts tail-gating me real bad. Really riding my a**, you know? So, I give him a "non-verbal hand gesture" at a traffic light and he is hopping mad. I roll down the window to give this guy a piece of my mind and bam! He sucker punches me. When I come to, I set about finding this guy. It takes me a while, but I track down the "heavy/fat/stocky" SOB eating a Christmas Ham. An entire ham! Anyways, to make a long story short, I break out one of my "special" arrows and now we're even.

Posted by: alexandrian78 | February 14, 2011 10:46 PM | Report abuse

"I couldn't believe it! I barely grazed him with an arrow and the next thing I know he's making a muscle and taking pictures of himself with his shirt off.

I wonder what happened to that guy..."

Posted by: mikem1 | February 14, 2011 10:51 PM | Report abuse

I love these new profit sharing benefits.

Posted by: postarita | February 14, 2011 10:58 PM | Report abuse

So the director tells me that my black swan is perfect; he just needs to see more wing. Unbelievable.

Posted by: alexandrian78 | February 14, 2011 11:00 PM | Report abuse

I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

Posted by: postarita | February 14, 2011 11:00 PM | Report abuse

"I guess I shot those two last arrows off a little two quick and they ricocheted back to me!" "Hey, I'm a cherub, what's not to love?"

Posted by: nallcando2 | February 14, 2011 11:06 PM | Report abuse

I'm doing a tour in China when this guy Chen hires me for a side job. I think something got very lost in translation. You can watch me in the video below as backup dancer #3 for swan lake.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3BjltKMWWQ

Posted by: alexandrian78 | February 14, 2011 11:14 PM | Report abuse

Happy Valentine’s Day, Buddy!

Posted by: postarita | February 14, 2011 11:19 PM | Report abuse

It's hard out there for a pimp.

Posted by: kinnem | February 15, 2011 12:49 AM | Report abuse

Her thug boyfriend fills her with colossal dread, she said.
Dump him, I said.
No way, she said. "Dread" is the name of his pecker.

Posted by: ks_ks | February 15, 2011 1:12 AM | Report abuse

He's too thick-skinned for my arrows so I gave him a black eye. Next thing I know he's hooked with that hot nurse.

Posted by: anongrl10e | February 15, 2011 3:11 AM | Report abuse

It's attention women crave.. look at me, I'm short, fat and immature and yet...

Posted by: pgirls | February 15, 2011 7:05 AM | Report abuse

Cute girls! Wait til they find out we don't have genitals.

Posted by: hgdavis | February 15, 2011 8:15 AM | Report abuse

I don't mind the long flights to Afghanistan, what gets me is I don't rate hazardous duty pay

Posted by: jaxnc06 | February 15, 2011 10:03 AM | Report abuse

I don't mind the long flights to Afghanistan; what gets me is I don't rate hazardous duty pay

Posted by: jaxnc06 | February 15, 2011 10:06 AM | Report abuse

"Yeah, I just shot these two up outside. The brunette thinks I'm that kid from the E*TRADE Commericials."

Posted by: iwasserman | February 15, 2011 10:44 AM | Report abuse

The doctor said I needed Viagara so i could keep up with the population.

Posted by: richardmcurtis | February 15, 2011 10:51 AM | Report abuse

I flunked chemistry but passed archery

Posted by: free11 | February 15, 2011 11:21 AM | Report abuse

Well my friend, at least there's one day a year that we short, chubby dudes are chick magnets...

Posted by: Hez4 | February 15, 2011 11:24 AM | Report abuse

...and then she points to my back and shouts "Quiver!" So I says "Quiver? I don't even know 'er."

Posted by: hrmr1112 | February 15, 2011 11:28 AM | Report abuse

Now look-a-here, mate. If it looks like a duck and it sounds like a duck...it's a freakin duck. But that's just my opinion.

Posted by: kabrinkle | February 15, 2011 11:43 AM | Report abuse

Arrowneous@hotmail.com, what's yours?

Posted by: free11 | February 15, 2011 11:48 AM | Report abuse

Sure, I'll return the favor, just point 'em out to me, gotta couple quivers in my back pocket...

Posted by: phxfalcona | February 15, 2011 11:50 AM | Report abuse

Hm. I'd assumed the winged creatures were female, given the lovely lips, but maybe not. How about:

And I told her, "Look, I was chubby when we met," and she said "Yeah, but you MADE me fall in love with you," and well, I couldn't really argue with her there.

Posted by: anonymice | February 15, 2011 11:53 AM | Report abuse

Okay...so you double-dared me to shoot Berlusconi twice.

Posted by: yellowjournalism | February 15, 2011 12:00 PM | Report abuse

"Turns out they weren't looking for an actual man, they just wanted to get shot with the arrow."

Posted by: EllenSka | February 15, 2011 12:01 PM | Report abuse

She'll laugh till I sling the Eros of outrageous fortune!

Posted by: free11 | February 15, 2011 12:13 PM | Report abuse

"Do you believe in love?"

Posted by: dcone | February 15, 2011 12:18 PM | Report abuse

"Isn't it an irony that children believe in an adult figure - Santa Clause - and adults believe in chidren figures like us?"

Posted by: dcone | February 15, 2011 12:23 PM | Report abuse

" ... so I told them we're just a couple of bar flies."

Posted by: oreallyfactor | February 15, 2011 12:24 PM | Report abuse

"What do you think about same sex marriage?"

Posted by: dcone | February 15, 2011 12:26 PM | Report abuse

You;re a lousy aim. I'm still just not that into you.

Posted by: xanther | February 15, 2011 12:38 PM | Report abuse

You're a lousy aim. I'm still just not that into you.

Posted by: xanther | February 15, 2011 12:39 PM | Report abuse

"Hey, stop me if you've heard this one before...Two cherubs walk into a bar..."

Posted by: SportzNut21 | February 15, 2011 1:00 PM | Report abuse

I'm just sayin' you gotta be careful! You don't want to be remembered as 'the Craigslist Cupid'!

Posted by: yellowjournalism | February 15, 2011 1:12 PM | Report abuse

I mean, what else am I supposed to do with a humanities degree? At least I get to meet girls.

Posted by: kashekechick | February 15, 2011 1:20 PM | Report abuse

You ever have one of those dreams where all of a sudden you realize you have no clothes on and everyone is laughing at you?

Posted by: SanDiegoreader | February 15, 2011 2:06 PM | Report abuse

My worst mistake? I heard him say he just wanted Eros... Turns out he said he just wanted 'er ass.

Posted by: free11 | February 15, 2011 2:13 PM | Report abuse

Look, I work all year long, whatca talking about this is your busy night?

Posted by: allboyzworld | February 15, 2011 2:15 PM | Report abuse

"I knew there was Botox in my arrow; but I really wasn't aiming for her butt! It really doesn't.... look.....that much different......does it?"

Posted by: sharonlacey | February 15, 2011 2:27 PM | Report abuse

Really? She prefers e-harmony? Where’s the romance in that?

Posted by: jmurphy1501 | February 15, 2011 2:47 PM | Report abuse

She's laughing, so blissfully single... ready, set, aimageddon!

Posted by: free11 | February 15, 2011 2:50 PM | Report abuse

Two arrows? Really, Chubs, you shouldn't have. No, really.

Posted by: silkrabbit | February 15, 2011 3:41 PM | Report abuse

So I asked her. . . What did ya do wit your monetary
gifts from the wedding? & she said "I used
It to pay my divorce attorney"

Posted by: Laney2 | February 15, 2011 3:44 PM | Report abuse

Let's wear red neon "Danger" signs near the Capitol, OSHA regulations or not!

Posted by: free11 | February 15, 2011 4:24 PM | Report abuse

...and that's when I sneezed and hit the 52 inch flat screen instead of the girl. He seems happy though.

Posted by: i801711 | February 15, 2011 5:07 PM | Report abuse

Your aim IS matchless, I wasn't being snarky.

Posted by: free11 | February 15, 2011 6:26 PM | Report abuse

Your aim IS matchless, I wasn't being snarky.

Posted by: free11 | February 15, 2011 6:31 PM | Report abuse

The girls were told they were being set-up with a pair of good looking twins

Posted by: dg1988 | February 15, 2011 6:57 PM | Report abuse

I could tell you where I shot these two, but then I'd have to kill you. Wink, Wink.

Posted by: gary27 | February 15, 2011 7:54 PM | Report abuse

Tonight I’m my own target market.

Posted by: postarita | February 15, 2011 8:30 PM | Report abuse

Yah, so this what I like to call my "score two babes with one arrow" move.

Posted by: zuzucross | February 15, 2011 8:51 PM | Report abuse

Those archery lessons have really paid off.

Posted by: postarita | February 15, 2011 9:00 PM | Report abuse

I don't know. All I said was, "I've got this great catch for you... he's a 40-something year old cartoonist named Ni..."

Posted by: schizencephaly | February 15, 2011 9:36 PM | Report abuse

What can I say?! I couldn't decide, so I shotem' both!

Posted by: zuzucross | February 15, 2011 9:47 PM | Report abuse

My parents wanted me to be a cardiologist, what about yours?

Posted by: PleinAir | February 15, 2011 10:10 PM | Report abuse

Ok I win Biggest heart we've ever seen 'cause Nelson Mandela's heart was SO big... HOW big? All humanity fit on one arrow, in one heart

Posted by: free11 | February 16, 2011 1:18 AM | Report abuse

Believe it or not, you just served me my first "Screaming Orgasm".

Posted by: meamotta | February 16, 2011 2:12 AM | Report abuse

"Okay, I hooked up Martha Stewart and Gina Torres. Where's my $20."

Posted by: akchild | February 16, 2011 7:24 AM | Report abuse

These babes are proof. It really does enhance a certain part of the male anatomy.

Posted by: MisterE2 | February 16, 2011 7:27 AM | Report abuse

The moms are fun, but I'm really looking for someone in a diaper.

Posted by: jimward21 | February 16, 2011 7:46 AM | Report abuse

So the arrow bounces off his tuckus and gets me right in the liver ..three more Cosmos please...

Posted by: ohwell1 | February 16, 2011 9:05 AM | Report abuse

"...so when my arrows kept bouncing off all that shining armor, we decided to come here and just have some fun."

Posted by: renejb | February 16, 2011 9:45 AM | Report abuse

They don't have wings. They wear clothes. Their so big! Now YOU, sweetheart, look like someone I can love forever!

Posted by: j81501 | February 16, 2011 10:02 AM | Report abuse

"They follow me everywhere! All I did was tell them I had a 12 inch arrow..."

Posted by: MrsS2rt | February 16, 2011 10:41 AM | Report abuse

"I'm telling you, it would be a horrible mistake for the Caps to fire Boudreau"

Posted by: je121819 | February 16, 2011 10:43 AM | Report abuse

So I'm at this bar, ready to take aim at these two love birds, but the guy's opening line to the gal is, "I'm a lawyer and I make $100,000, but soon I'm going to get promoted and make $250,000." I just couldn't put that girl through the misery so I shooed the guy away and had a drink with her instead!

Posted by: marlenehall | February 16, 2011 11:03 AM | Report abuse

"'Jonah Hill's kid brother.' Works like a charm."

Posted by: KMcG11 | February 16, 2011 11:26 AM | Report abuse

It takes 3. One cupid to screw in the lightbulb and 2 to talk the guy into committing to turn the light on.

Posted by: i801711 | February 16, 2011 11:44 AM | Report abuse

Our reputation is hit or myth

Posted by: free11 | February 16, 2011 12:28 PM | Report abuse

"I promised myself that the next time a woman questioned her best friend's taste in men, I'd tell her the truth. Two words, honey: target practice."

Posted by: asm617 | February 16, 2011 12:49 PM | Report abuse

And we're innocent and harmless, wouldn't hurt a soul.

Posted by: free11 | February 16, 2011 1:17 PM | Report abuse

So, then the arrow bounces off the guys ego...clips these two lovelys...and hits me squarely in the heart!

Posted by: regulator1 | February 16, 2011 1:48 PM | Report abuse

"...and so then the guy says, 'But I thought we weren't doing Valentine's Day this year!'"

Posted by: chelseabfh | February 16, 2011 2:15 PM | Report abuse

Cyrano was more eloquent but we get to the point

Posted by: free11 | February 16, 2011 2:51 PM | Report abuse

The mission was to make 'em fall for each other. Slight error in the trajectory--but it's workin' for *me*!

Posted by: betalisa | February 16, 2011 3:39 PM | Report abuse

So I replied, "Of course I exist. I think, therefore I aim".

Posted by: free11 | February 16, 2011 3:40 PM | Report abuse

Can I have some more of that stuff to dip the tips into? You're right, they seriously follow ME around everywhere before they fall in love with the guy they are supposed to fall in love with. Nice~~ Finally, I get some action too!

Posted by: yuansher | February 16, 2011 4:33 PM | Report abuse

"So I thought, 'Why not shoot a couple for me?'"

Posted by: Cantab47 | February 16, 2011 5:05 PM | Report abuse

Face it, David. We're not IDENTICAL twins.

Posted by: Gandolf1 | February 16, 2011 5:12 PM | Report abuse

You thought you were armed against women laughing at you like at any other guy? Hahahaha

Posted by: free11 | February 16, 2011 5:26 PM | Report abuse

Dude, that 600 bucks for that pick-up artist class was totally worth it.

Posted by: pettigrew1 | February 16, 2011 5:31 PM | Report abuse

Face it, David. We're not IDENTICAL twins.

Posted by: Gandolf1 | February 16, 2011 8:16 PM | Report abuse

Meet Ruth and Eileen, or as they’re known on my expense report, “Flowers” and “Candy.”

Posted by: postarita | February 16, 2011 8:54 PM | Report abuse

Why is it we always seem to attract the "nurturer" types?

Posted by: jcriss01 | February 16, 2011 11:04 PM | Report abuse

UH OH.. AM I SEEING DOUBLE, OR ARE YOU REALLY MY BETTER HALF..?

Posted by: SunnyGirl91 | February 16, 2011 11:14 PM | Report abuse

Ok, Your quiver contains more arrows, but my arrows, ahem, make more quivers!

Posted by: free11 | February 17, 2011 1:02 AM | Report abuse

"...so I hired the unicorn, and now I use 20% fewer arrows!"

Posted by: jenvan | February 17, 2011 9:20 AM | Report abuse

". . .To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target."

Posted by: vagirl9541 | February 17, 2011 9:56 AM | Report abuse

so i thought 'why should men have all the fun!'

Posted by: lfooter | February 17, 2011 11:02 AM | Report abuse

"No, I said you're a 'Cupid Stunt'!"

Posted by: nicksmithworld | February 17, 2011 12:52 PM | Report abuse

Oh sure, the arrows make their hearts go pitter-pat and all that. But let's face it, it's the Jagermeister that makes me attractive and funny! Set 'em up again, will ya?

Posted by: ricardo2010 | February 17, 2011 12:54 PM | Report abuse

"Well, obviously polygamy works. I mean, look at us!"

Posted by: Nashjess | February 17, 2011 1:11 PM | Report abuse

She asked if I have the arrow’s antidote. But the only proven way to stop loving someone is to marry them.

Posted by: Leslie22046 | February 17, 2011 1:49 PM | Report abuse

Isn't it amazing what going pantless, sporting wings and carrying around a bag of arrows will get you in this town?

Posted by: athenajohnson | February 17, 2011 2:13 PM | Report abuse

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm schizophrenic
and aren't we you?

Posted by: j81501 | February 17, 2011 3:00 PM | Report abuse

Cheers! No more shooting in the Dark!

Posted by: lufrank1 | February 17, 2011 3:02 PM | Report abuse

I shot an arrow into the air,
where it lit I know not where,
although I aimed it at his heart,
I must have missed 'cuz he loves Rene Descartes!

Posted by: j81501 | February 17, 2011 3:11 PM | Report abuse

Bud, just two words: "Barry White!"

Posted by: trickybizz | February 17, 2011 3:32 PM | Report abuse

Sometimes its good to be the wingman

Posted by: Bob_L | February 17, 2011 3:35 PM | Report abuse

Gimme a shot

Posted by: n0teathanx | February 17, 2011 3:52 PM | Report abuse

You were right! Glue 2 wings to your back and walk around naked.

Posted by: pluffmud | February 17, 2011 4:15 PM | Report abuse

"...and the Lord said let there be Lite!"

Posted by: dcloud | February 17, 2011 5:07 PM | Report abuse

I;ll tell you how to get some action. Just tell them that you're not old enough for bottles yet!

Posted by: drbench | February 17, 2011 6:32 PM | Report abuse

"Most of my targets end up wishing I'd used Curare."

Posted by: jcriss01 | February 17, 2011 6:52 PM | Report abuse

I'm always the angel going out with my friends...and it looks like you understand what that's like...

Posted by: flurrymiles | February 17, 2011 7:11 PM | Report abuse

I woke up with a stiff neck, two placated Earth females, and the following realization: there's more than one way to get your wings.

Posted by: JayB503 | February 17, 2011 7:54 PM | Report abuse

They asked if we're cherubim, cupids, putti, angels, or - plumber? I just wanna go where everybody knows your name!

Posted by: free11 | February 17, 2011 8:21 PM | Report abuse

So, the one who is laughing inquired if these arrows REALLY worked. When I answered in the affirmative, she asked me if I could use one on her best friend and hook her up with ANYBODY, as she was tired of listening to her friend complain about unavailable men....

Posted by: bestflightattendant | February 17, 2011 8:47 PM | Report abuse

So, the one who is laughing inquired if these arrows REALLY worked. When I answered in the affirmative, she asked me if I could use one on her best friend and hook her up with ANYBODY, as she was tired of listening to her friend complain about unavailable men....

Posted by: bestflightattendant | February 17, 2011 8:48 PM | Report abuse

So I said to her, I'm actually 45 years old and I have needs!

Posted by: EdwardB65 | February 17, 2011 9:01 PM | Report abuse

So, I asked Harold the Angel about this "Hark" thing...

Posted by: klassichaus | February 17, 2011 10:39 PM | Report abuse

nicksmithworld, you are my hero.

Posted by: jcriss01 | February 18, 2011 9:24 AM | Report abuse

Suprisingly, my best pickup line is tell the ladies my name is Cupid, and they follow me around all night!

Posted by: sandradbeachbum | February 18, 2011 9:37 AM | Report abuse

"The two-timing moron couldn't figure out how to juggle both women on Valentine's Day... so I solved his problem for him, right ladies?"

Posted by: K215 | February 18, 2011 9:39 AM | Report abuse

What do you mean 'NO SHOES, NO SERVICE'!? YOU AREN'T WEARING ANY PANTS!"

Posted by: bruce_kramer | February 18, 2011 9:41 AM | Report abuse

Rosie O'Donnell keeps everyone laughing at Valentine's Day....

Posted by: bruce_kramer | February 18, 2011 9:47 AM | Report abuse

Finally ... Red Bull *gets* us something!

Posted by: k_brewster | February 18, 2011 10:20 AM | Report abuse

...And she said "No sir..." and pulling out my arrow, she gave it back to me "you gotta show me the money first!".

Posted by: JackBini | February 18, 2011 10:38 AM | Report abuse

"Better cut 'em off, Mac. I can tell, they've had too much to drink. They're seeing things."

Posted by: cecilys_mom | February 18, 2011 10:49 AM | Report abuse

" so now, its all my fault, yeah right! but I did say not to take the blindfolds off"

Posted by: JackBini | February 18, 2011 10:56 AM | Report abuse

How much longer should we continue to torture people by only shooting the heart of one person in relationships?

Posted by: bikilathewarrior | February 18, 2011 11:24 AM | Report abuse

I'm telling ya Valentino, "No one on the corner has swagga like us"!

Posted by: MugRootBeer | February 18, 2011 11:50 AM | Report abuse

"Keep those 'Number Nines' flowing, Pal!"

Posted by: chicago56 | February 18, 2011 12:21 PM | Report abuse

"The Aristocrats!"

Posted by: T_J_Murphy | February 18, 2011 12:24 PM | Report abuse

They asked to see for my bow-hunting license.

Posted by: T_J_Murphy | February 18, 2011 12:26 PM | Report abuse

"and then he promised he wouldn't let his Mother interfere"

Posted by: anniealeesha | February 18, 2011 12:27 PM | Report abuse

"...so, i'm aiming at his heart, but it was so small, i wasn't sure i'd be able to hit it..."

"that's what she said!"

Posted by: wahless | February 18, 2011 12:36 PM | Report abuse

The wedding is going to be a modest affair....

Posted by: mac4700 | February 18, 2011 12:40 PM | Report abuse

step one of training, it is only a dream.

Posted by: anniealeesha | February 18, 2011 12:42 PM | Report abuse

The wedding is going to be a modest affair....

Posted by: mac4700 | February 18, 2011 12:42 PM | Report abuse

If I ignore them they will come

Posted by: anniealeesha | February 18, 2011 12:45 PM | Report abuse

And then...get this....the guy says, "Yeah, forever"!!!

Posted by: marcolius | February 18, 2011 12:51 PM | Report abuse

From one cupid to another, which would you do?

Posted by: anniealeesha | February 18, 2011 12:52 PM | Report abuse

"So I says to her, I says, 'Hey, if you had Venus and Mars for parents, you'd be screwed up too!'"

Posted by: rm_chapa | February 18, 2011 1:06 PM | Report abuse

Sarah Palin said the price of milk is so high, I really ought to be breastfed....

Posted by: rita_tim | February 18, 2011 1:07 PM | Report abuse

Buddy I know it's love this time, look what she lets me do...

Posted by: anniealeesha | February 18, 2011 1:10 PM | Report abuse

So, I says to myself, "Everyone else is getting a little bit out of the quiver. Why not you?"

Posted by: GreatStoneFace | February 18, 2011 1:36 PM | Report abuse

Another side benefit of this gig is that when I let one rip, it's really laughing gas!!

Posted by: d1def | February 18, 2011 1:43 PM | Report abuse

so then i said, 'You watch the ball game, I'll take care of the girls!'

Posted by: lfooter | February 18, 2011 1:58 PM | Report abuse

These Cougar arrows are just what I was looking for. Thanks buddy!"

Posted by: revans9678 | February 18, 2011 2:01 PM | Report abuse

So a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop!

Posted by: KatyP1 | February 18, 2011 2:04 PM | Report abuse

I ran smack into a gaggle of geese. That's what flying on the left on the other side of the pond gets ya.

Posted by: mschrager | February 18, 2011 2:04 PM | Report abuse

Arrows? You're so 2010! Angry Birds are the only way to go now.

Posted by: DCdem1980 | February 18, 2011 2:12 PM | Report abuse

So I shot him!
------
So I said “Hey, my mother’s from Venus, my father’s from Mars, and here’s my moon you can kiss.”
------
But the toughest case was the couple that were both so ugly they could have tripled his little blue pills and still not worry about seeking immediate medical attention four hours later.
------
Turns out she said she likes bow ties, not beaus’ tied!

Posted by: bobsstone | February 18, 2011 2:17 PM | Report abuse

So I shot him!
------
So I said “Hey, my mother’s from Venus, my father’s from Mars, and here’s my moon you can kiss.”
------
But the toughest case was the couple that were both so ugly they could have tripled his little blue pills and still not worry about seeking immediate medical attention four hours later.
------
Turns out she said she likes bow ties, not beaus’ tied!

Posted by: bobsstone | February 18, 2011 2:18 PM | Report abuse

So I shot him!
------
So I said “Hey, my mother’s from Venus, my father’s from Mars, and here’s my moon you can kiss.”
------
But the toughest case was the couple that were both so ugly they could have tripled his little blue pills and still not worry about seeking immediate medical attention four hours later.
------
Turns out she said she likes bow ties, not beaus’ tied!

Posted by: bobsstone | February 18, 2011 2:18 PM | Report abuse

Today they're in love. Tomorrow they want to know why he can't pick up his socks.

Posted by: abgb | February 18, 2011 2:22 PM | Report abuse

Come on, bud! Join Us! I'll be your wingman.

Posted by: bunnyvelour | February 18, 2011 2:34 PM | Report abuse

"Now where would I carry an ID?"

Posted by: Rizzy | February 18, 2011 2:37 PM | Report abuse

Ahahaha! There's a baby in this bar! And he's not wearing any pants!

Posted by: akpodmaniczky | February 18, 2011 2:39 PM | Report abuse

I'm telling you, this job is a piece of cake! Even the weatherman is on target more often than I am.

Posted by: pude903 | February 18, 2011 2:49 PM | Report abuse

and once I get bored of the attention, I can just shoot the commitment onto someone else.

Posted by: seagull3 | February 18, 2011 3:12 PM | Report abuse

". . . so I was drawing back my bow, per my employment contract, when all of a sudden I heard my target say "oh hell no! I don't want to fall in love with that fool! You, on the other hand, have a very cute butt . . ."

Posted by: ecjwlove | February 18, 2011 3:15 PM | Report abuse

they didn't believe me when I said our arrows are loaded with alien DNA...

Posted by: CartoonCaptionContest | February 18, 2011 3:21 PM | Report abuse

". . . I was called off my assignment, 'cause she said they all act like babies anyway, I might as well go with you . . .

Posted by: ecjwlove | February 18, 2011 3:22 PM | Report abuse

The pay is lousy but the benefits are beyond expectation.

Posted by: nicksmom67 | February 18, 2011 3:23 PM | Report abuse

Justin Bieber? TWENTY MILLION ARROWS? Really??

Posted by: progan01 | February 18, 2011 3:25 PM | Report abuse

"...so I gave both guys a pile of arrows, reminded 'em not to ever give vaccuum cleaners for Valentine's Day again, and brought these two out for a beer!"

Posted by: jenvan | February 18, 2011 3:45 PM | Report abuse

She said we look like pub crawlers.

Posted by: free11 | February 18, 2011 4:03 PM | Report abuse

It never dawned on me that the crossbow was a female symbol so I offered to buy them drinks.

Posted by: renaissanceman | February 18, 2011 4:04 PM | Report abuse

So I shot her ex, and then Grover Norquist happened to walk by . . .

Posted by: mcubed1 | February 18, 2011 4:23 PM | Report abuse

"... next thing I know, I get a call about our exchange policy."

Posted by: mislizy | February 18, 2011 4:31 PM | Report abuse

You think thongs are bad, try wearing a diaper 24/7.....that's why I perfer going commando.

Posted by: wacdesigns | February 18, 2011 4:46 PM | Report abuse

You think thongs are bad? Try wearing a diaper 24/7, recently the union voted that we can just go commando.

Posted by: wacdesigns | February 18, 2011 4:48 PM | Report abuse

I just couldn't watch Hillary get publicly humiliated again, so I took a couple of arrows in the foot.

Posted by: AL4ever1 | February 18, 2011 5:24 PM | Report abuse

She's got a lovely accent, but I think she's calling us "chez rubes."

Posted by: free11 | February 18, 2011 5:24 PM | Report abuse

So I'm all, "That's no goddess. That's my mother!"

Posted by: majm34 | February 18, 2011 5:27 PM | Report abuse

I know I look young, but bartender, you of all people must understand -- where am I gonna carry ID?

Posted by: emrj | February 18, 2011 5:44 PM | Report abuse

Well, you know what they say about the size of a man's wings...

Posted by: bigsleep39 | February 18, 2011 6:02 PM | Report abuse

So I say to him, "Hey, I'm CUPID, stupid, not Eros - I do the best you can't. I save the last of the best for me. Believe me, she's better than you can do on your own. These chicks think I'm cute...if only they knew I was Italian."

Posted by: wadercothran | February 18, 2011 6:13 PM | Report abuse

"I can't believe someone thinks online dating is going to make us obsolete..."

Posted by: animaniactoo | February 18, 2011 6:24 PM | Report abuse

Do you ever feel like a cute, cuddly little fuzzball - sending something deceptively harmless through the airwaves...

Posted by: free11 | February 18, 2011 6:41 PM | Report abuse

These two wanted to have a baby and I wanted a cuddle, so...here we are

Posted by: datdamwuf2 | February 18, 2011 6:50 PM | Report abuse

Let me get this straight - if I become a franchise owner of a ``Love Potion Lounge", the company throws in the arrows and I can have a job that does not require traveling. Dude, count me in!

Posted by: nidomhnail | February 18, 2011 6:58 PM | Report abuse

Call me an old-fashioned guy, but when love strikes, a bow and arrow beats out an iPhone and Twitter every time.

Posted by: AnnaS1 | February 18, 2011 7:49 PM | Report abuse

so this girl starts ranting at me the other day, saying that I had united her with her soulmate, but that he didn't have, um, a soul.

Posted by: GretalMee | February 18, 2011 7:51 PM | Report abuse

I'm back on probation... a commitment-phobe ducked my arrow and it hit a Catholic priest.

Posted by: WPostreader75221 | February 18, 2011 8:09 PM | Report abuse

So, I'm thinkin' "Why waste the arrows on the usual losers? I match 'em up and a few months later, they're looking to change up" So I figured I'd just cut to the chase.

Posted by: GadgetGirl | February 18, 2011 8:37 PM | Report abuse

Beer and Cupid! Ah, iconic intermingling of the Sacred and profane needed for hot romance...

Posted by: free11 | February 18, 2011 8:41 PM | Report abuse

"Busman's holiday."

Posted by: rebusite | February 18, 2011 9:26 PM | Report abuse

Who needs a podium?! I strap these wings on and the dark blue dresses flock like moths to a flame. (Uh, Hill's still in Yemen right?!)

Posted by: anyname1 | February 18, 2011 10:03 PM | Report abuse

You see, it's not the size of the arrow that counts. It's the quality of the quiver.

Posted by: GreatStoneFace | February 18, 2011 10:12 PM | Report abuse

I told them I don't tweet, poke, or live with my parents and they can't keep their hands off me.

Posted by: ss16 | February 18, 2011 11:27 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for coming out with me ... I have so much better luck with the ladies when I bring a wingman.

Posted by: sgoewey | February 18, 2011 11:35 PM | Report abuse

Thanks for the memo ...you're right, it's so nice to go out and not to have to deal with all the jerks undressing me with their eyes.

Posted by: sgoewey | February 18, 2011 11:51 PM | Report abuse

"...so I look Dick Cheney in the eye and say 'Look, man, you gotta HAVE a heart for these things to work.'"

Posted by: tom_racine | February 18, 2011 11:54 PM | Report abuse

of course i think being on the bachelor is the best way to find true love

Posted by: kk2011 | February 19, 2011 6:00 AM | Report abuse

Name-dropping does not impress me. Just let me know you, because you're not measured by who surrounds you, whose autograph you have, whose picture you're posed in, or whose hands you've shaken. We all put our pants on the same way each morning, figuratively speaking.

Posted by: sgoewey | February 19, 2011 9:08 AM | Report abuse

"So after he told me 'don't go getting your to panties in a tightwad' for the millionth time... it finally occurs to me: who needs 'em anyway?"

Posted by: sgoewey | February 19, 2011 9:51 AM | Report abuse

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