V-DAY CAPTION CONTEST: Enter now by writing this Nick Galifianakis cartoon

So then I said to myself, "Why am I wasting all these arrows on helping other losers get a hot woman"

"...and then he gave her his Mothers ring. It's gonna be epic. And to think, if I hadn't been here with you, knocking back a few the night before, I would never have missed my original target..."

And I told him, "Look, I was chubby when we met," and he said "Yeah, but you MADE me fall in love with you," and well, I couldn't really argue with him there.

So I said, “Buy me a drink - or your girl friend gets it.”

...so I figure after all of these years of spreading love, I'm owed a little _me_ time.

That's great, jmurphy.

After the crappy way he treated his ex, what better revenge than the arrow... he begged her to take him back.

He calls me "Chubsy", so I follow him to the men's room and wait for him to look in the mirror before I nail him with an arrow. Then I say, "Go screw yourself!"

They all love me now, but just wait till they sober up in the morning.

So ... then she says: "Is that your arrow or are you just REALLY glad to see me?!"

"So he says, 'OK, so . . . initiate lots of physical contact, talk loud to assert myself, give her a test command and see if she follows it . . . anything else?' And I say, 'Yeah--tell her to buy you a drink. It shows you think she's an equal.'"

"All I asked was if she knew any nice single guys over 40 looking for nice single woman their own age..."

"With same-sex marriage in DC, that opens up a whole new avenue!"

Sure, they think we're cute and funny now, but will they go home with us?? Not til we show them that we can put pants on and show them the money...love shlove!

Its not how big YOU are, its the size of your arrows

"The Aristocrats!"

YOU know I'm just a cherub, but they think I'm Cupid. I haven't had to buy a meal or a drink in months!

You're gonna ask her to do WHAT!!!!
Silly

High speed Rail! What's next Cap and Trade??

"Of -course- I use arrows for my own benefit!"

"Of -course- I use arrows for my own benefit! Just don't tell Psyche..."

"..and then the song 'What's Love Got To Do With It' started playing. You should have seen the look she gave me. So much for the 'Genius Bar'."

There's really no secret formula, I just aim for the one that most reminds me of his mother.

Don't give me that look. They were tourists looking for a "local" place.

One more round, they'll realize they are meant for each other and I'll be done for another year.

"Yea, I have missed and hit the wrong person before...Remember Lyle Lovett?"

And that is when I got controlling interest in Hallmark and Russell Stover.

We went wrong somewhere, we're not supposed to be the naked ones!

Oh, these two? Alone, on Valentine's day? I'm catnip, baby.

No, it wasn't love at first sight. In fact, she told me she was old enough to be my mother.

So I says to her, I says, look, shweetheart, I don't care how much money yous got or how many networks yous "OWN"... there ain't no freak'in STEDMAN on my list!

She told me I had her at hello. So I put away the arrow and called it a day.

I don't think they know who I am. They keep asking me for trading tips. I'm just going with it.

So then it ricocheted off and hit him and a premium cut top loin. So much for meatless Mondays.

I told them V.Secret was doing a men's line.

"To my left, his first ex-wife. To my right, his second, and the first just told her who he's dating now."

"Even if you don't like them, at least they'll spring for free drinks."

After a few drinks, Derrick, the near sighted cupid, relived his favorite stories about hitting the wrong targets and the resulting mayhem…

"Within a couple of years my targets usually tell me they wish I'd used Curare."

They didn't believe me when I told them this really is just a beer and wings kind of bar.

I'd like to introduce Baby Pearson and Patty Rhode, so make that one for my baby and one more for the road.

....so how do you think I rang the doorbell?

Justin Bieber...Really?!

We're butt-naked already - what more do we have to do to prove to them we really exist?

Not THOSE spirits!

Not THOSE spirits!

Forget the arrows, just ply them with alcohol.

Actually the Devil was kinda a cute--although a bit horny for my tastes.

I was aiming at her ex-husband's heart, but this lady here "accidentally" bumped my elbow just as I let go of the arrow. You won't believe where I hit him!

So, I just plunked Rev Fred Phelps with one of my gay arrows...

So an Angel walks into a bar and says, 'I'm here for Cupid. Apparently Cupid has a help wanted ad - Angels accepted. Do you think fallen angels need apply?'

What did the German kid say when he pushed his little brother off a cliff? "Look, mother, no Hans!"

"Hey, dude, I could really use a wing man..."

...So, then she says "disarm, buddy, I make my own choices!" and here we are!

"I told you Not to Put So Much Potion on the Arrows".

"...so he says 'It's just a commercial holiday made up by card companies and florists.' Then she reaches over, pulls the arrow out of his a** and... here we are!"

How about a foursome?

...and then I said, "Do you really think I asked for a ten inch pianist?"

My success ratings have gone way up since I started following these internet dating sites...

Funny . . . you look more like a plumber to me . . .

And then he mooned me ... what else could I do?

Sure, they laugh at my jokes, accept the drinks, LOVE the arrows, but when I ask for their digits then it's all, "Sorry, I don't date short men".

Seriously ... stick-on wings to land the guest bartender and bouncer gig, all because our moms wanted free drinks and no cover charge?!

Yeah, so I'm just driving home after a solid day's work when this truck starts tail-gating me real bad. Really riding my a**, you know? So, I give him a "non-verbal hand gesture" at a traffic light and he is hopping mad. I roll down the window to give this guy a piece of my mind and bam! He sucker punches me. When I come to, I set about finding this guy. It takes me a while, but I track down the "heavy/fat/stocky" SOB eating a Christmas Ham. An entire ham! Anyways, to make a long story short, I break out one of my "special" arrows and now we're even.

"I couldn't believe it! I barely grazed him with an arrow and the next thing I know he's making a muscle and taking pictures of himself with his shirt off.

I wonder what happened to that guy..."

I love these new profit sharing benefits.

So the director tells me that my black swan is perfect; he just needs to see more wing. Unbelievable.

I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

"I guess I shot those two last arrows off a little two quick and they ricocheted back to me!" "Hey, I'm a cherub, what's not to love?"

I'm doing a tour in China when this guy Chen hires me for a side job. I think something got very lost in translation. You can watch me in the video below as backup dancer #3 for swan lake.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3BjltKMWWQ

Happy Valentine’s Day, Buddy!

It's hard out there for a pimp.

Her thug boyfriend fills her with colossal dread, she said.
Dump him, I said.
No way, she said. "Dread" is the name of his pecker.

He's too thick-skinned for my arrows so I gave him a black eye. Next thing I know he's hooked with that hot nurse.

It's attention women crave.. look at me, I'm short, fat and immature and yet...

Cute girls! Wait til they find out we don't have genitals.

I don't mind the long flights to Afghanistan, what gets me is I don't rate hazardous duty pay

I don't mind the long flights to Afghanistan; what gets me is I don't rate hazardous duty pay

"Yeah, I just shot these two up outside. The brunette thinks I'm that kid from the E*TRADE Commericials."

The doctor said I needed Viagara so i could keep up with the population.

I flunked chemistry but passed archery

Well my friend, at least there's one day a year that we short, chubby dudes are chick magnets...

...and then she points to my back and shouts "Quiver!" So I says "Quiver? I don't even know 'er."

Now look-a-here, mate. If it looks like a duck and it sounds like a duck...it's a freakin duck. But that's just my opinion.

Arrowneous@hotmail.com, what's yours?

Sure, I'll return the favor, just point 'em out to me, gotta couple quivers in my back pocket...

Hm. I'd assumed the winged creatures were female, given the lovely lips, but maybe not. How about:

And I told her, "Look, I was chubby when we met," and she said "Yeah, but you MADE me fall in love with you," and well, I couldn't really argue with her there.

Okay...so you double-dared me to shoot Berlusconi twice.

"Turns out they weren't looking for an actual man, they just wanted to get shot with the arrow."

She'll laugh till I sling the Eros of outrageous fortune!

"Do you believe in love?"

"Isn't it an irony that children believe in an adult figure - Santa Clause - and adults believe in chidren figures like us?"

" ... so I told them we're just a couple of bar flies."

"What do you think about same sex marriage?"

You;re a lousy aim. I'm still just not that into you.

You're a lousy aim. I'm still just not that into you.

"Hey, stop me if you've heard this one before...Two cherubs walk into a bar..."

I'm just sayin' you gotta be careful! You don't want to be remembered as 'the Craigslist Cupid'!

I mean, what else am I supposed to do with a humanities degree? At least I get to meet girls.

You ever have one of those dreams where all of a sudden you realize you have no clothes on and everyone is laughing at you?

My worst mistake? I heard him say he just wanted Eros... Turns out he said he just wanted 'er ass.

Look, I work all year long, whatca talking about this is your busy night?

"I knew there was Botox in my arrow; but I really wasn't aiming for her butt! It really doesn't.... look.....that much different......does it?"

Really? She prefers e-harmony? Where’s the romance in that?

She's laughing, so blissfully single... ready, set, aimageddon!

Two arrows? Really, Chubs, you shouldn't have. No, really.

So I asked her. . . What did ya do wit your monetary
gifts from the wedding? & she said "I used
It to pay my divorce attorney"

Let's wear red neon "Danger" signs near the Capitol, OSHA regulations or not!

...and that's when I sneezed and hit the 52 inch flat screen instead of the girl. He seems happy though.

Your aim IS matchless, I wasn't being snarky.

Your aim IS matchless, I wasn't being snarky.

The girls were told they were being set-up with a pair of good looking twins

I could tell you where I shot these two, but then I'd have to kill you. Wink, Wink.

Tonight I’m my own target market.

Yah, so this what I like to call my "score two babes with one arrow" move.

Those archery lessons have really paid off.

I don't know. All I said was, "I've got this great catch for you... he's a 40-something year old cartoonist named Ni..."

What can I say?! I couldn't decide, so I shotem' both!

My parents wanted me to be a cardiologist, what about yours?

Ok I win Biggest heart we've ever seen 'cause Nelson Mandela's heart was SO big... HOW big? All humanity fit on one arrow, in one heart

Believe it or not, you just served me my first "Screaming Orgasm".

"Okay, I hooked up Martha Stewart and Gina Torres. Where's my $20."

These babes are proof. It really does enhance a certain part of the male anatomy.

The moms are fun, but I'm really looking for someone in a diaper.

So the arrow bounces off his tuckus and gets me right in the liver ..three more Cosmos please...

"...so when my arrows kept bouncing off all that shining armor, we decided to come here and just have some fun."

They don't have wings. They wear clothes. Their so big! Now YOU, sweetheart, look like someone I can love forever!

"They follow me everywhere! All I did was tell them I had a 12 inch arrow..."

"I'm telling you, it would be a horrible mistake for the Caps to fire Boudreau"

So I'm at this bar, ready to take aim at these two love birds, but the guy's opening line to the gal is, "I'm a lawyer and I make $100,000, but soon I'm going to get promoted and make $250,000." I just couldn't put that girl through the misery so I shooed the guy away and had a drink with her instead!

"'Jonah Hill's kid brother.' Works like a charm."

It takes 3. One cupid to screw in the lightbulb and 2 to talk the guy into committing to turn the light on.

Our reputation is hit or myth

"I promised myself that the next time a woman questioned her best friend's taste in men, I'd tell her the truth. Two words, honey: target practice."

And we're innocent and harmless, wouldn't hurt a soul.

So, then the arrow bounces off the guys ego...clips these two lovelys...and hits me squarely in the heart!

"...and so then the guy says, 'But I thought we weren't doing Valentine's Day this year!'"

Cyrano was more eloquent but we get to the point

The mission was to make 'em fall for each other. Slight error in the trajectory--but it's workin' for *me*!

So I replied, "Of course I exist. I think, therefore I aim".

Can I have some more of that stuff to dip the tips into? You're right, they seriously follow ME around everywhere before they fall in love with the guy they are supposed to fall in love with. Nice~~ Finally, I get some action too!

"So I thought, 'Why not shoot a couple for me?'"

Face it, David. We're not IDENTICAL twins.

You thought you were armed against women laughing at you like at any other guy? Hahahaha

Dude, that 600 bucks for that pick-up artist class was totally worth it.

Face it, David. We're not IDENTICAL twins.

Meet Ruth and Eileen, or as they’re known on my expense report, “Flowers” and “Candy.”

Why is it we always seem to attract the "nurturer" types?

UH OH.. AM I SEEING DOUBLE, OR ARE YOU REALLY MY BETTER HALF..?

Ok, Your quiver contains more arrows, but my arrows, ahem, make more quivers!

"...so I hired the unicorn, and now I use 20% fewer arrows!"

". . .To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target."

so i thought 'why should men have all the fun!'

"No, I said you're a 'Cupid Stunt'!"

Oh sure, the arrows make their hearts go pitter-pat and all that. But let's face it, it's the Jagermeister that makes me attractive and funny! Set 'em up again, will ya?

"Well, obviously polygamy works. I mean, look at us!"

She asked if I have the arrow’s antidote. But the only proven way to stop loving someone is to marry them.

Isn't it amazing what going pantless, sporting wings and carrying around a bag of arrows will get you in this town?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm schizophrenic
and aren't we you?

Cheers! No more shooting in the Dark!

I shot an arrow into the air,
where it lit I know not where,
although I aimed it at his heart,
I must have missed 'cuz he loves Rene Descartes!

Bud, just two words: "Barry White!"

Sometimes its good to be the wingman

Gimme a shot

You were right! Glue 2 wings to your back and walk around naked.

"...and the Lord said let there be Lite!"

I;ll tell you how to get some action. Just tell them that you're not old enough for bottles yet!

"Most of my targets end up wishing I'd used Curare."

I'm always the angel going out with my friends...and it looks like you understand what that's like...

I woke up with a stiff neck, two placated Earth females, and the following realization: there's more than one way to get your wings.

They asked if we're cherubim, cupids, putti, angels, or - plumber? I just wanna go where everybody knows your name!

So, the one who is laughing inquired if these arrows REALLY worked. When I answered in the affirmative, she asked me if I could use one on her best friend and hook her up with ANYBODY, as she was tired of listening to her friend complain about unavailable men....

So, the one who is laughing inquired if these arrows REALLY worked. When I answered in the affirmative, she asked me if I could use one on her best friend and hook her up with ANYBODY, as she was tired of listening to her friend complain about unavailable men....

So I said to her, I'm actually 45 years old and I have needs!

So, I asked Harold the Angel about this "Hark" thing...

nicksmithworld, you are my hero.

Suprisingly, my best pickup line is tell the ladies my name is Cupid, and they follow me around all night!

"The two-timing moron couldn't figure out how to juggle both women on Valentine's Day... so I solved his problem for him, right ladies?"

What do you mean 'NO SHOES, NO SERVICE'!? YOU AREN'T WEARING ANY PANTS!"

Rosie O'Donnell keeps everyone laughing at Valentine's Day....

Finally ... Red Bull *gets* us something!

...And she said "No sir..." and pulling out my arrow, she gave it back to me "you gotta show me the money first!".

"Better cut 'em off, Mac. I can tell, they've had too much to drink. They're seeing things."

" so now, its all my fault, yeah right! but I did say not to take the blindfolds off"

How much longer should we continue to torture people by only shooting the heart of one person in relationships?

I'm telling ya Valentino, "No one on the corner has swagga like us"!

"Keep those 'Number Nines' flowing, Pal!"

"The Aristocrats!"

They asked to see for my bow-hunting license.

"and then he promised he wouldn't let his Mother interfere"

"...so, i'm aiming at his heart, but it was so small, i wasn't sure i'd be able to hit it..."

"that's what she said!"

The wedding is going to be a modest affair....

step one of training, it is only a dream.

The wedding is going to be a modest affair....

If I ignore them they will come

And then...get this....the guy says, "Yeah, forever"!!!

From one cupid to another, which would you do?

"So I says to her, I says, 'Hey, if you had Venus and Mars for parents, you'd be screwed up too!'"

Sarah Palin said the price of milk is so high, I really ought to be breastfed....

Buddy I know it's love this time, look what she lets me do...

So, I says to myself, "Everyone else is getting a little bit out of the quiver. Why not you?"

Another side benefit of this gig is that when I let one rip, it's really laughing gas!!

so then i said, 'You watch the ball game, I'll take care of the girls!'

These Cougar arrows are just what I was looking for. Thanks buddy!"

So a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop!

I ran smack into a gaggle of geese. That's what flying on the left on the other side of the pond gets ya.

Arrows? You're so 2010! Angry Birds are the only way to go now.

So I shot him!
------
So I said “Hey, my mother’s from Venus, my father’s from Mars, and here’s my moon you can kiss.”
------
But the toughest case was the couple that were both so ugly they could have tripled his little blue pills and still not worry about seeking immediate medical attention four hours later.
------
Turns out she said she likes bow ties, not beaus’ tied!

So I shot him!
------
So I said “Hey, my mother’s from Venus, my father’s from Mars, and here’s my moon you can kiss.”
------
But the toughest case was the couple that were both so ugly they could have tripled his little blue pills and still not worry about seeking immediate medical attention four hours later.
------
Turns out she said she likes bow ties, not beaus’ tied!

So I shot him!
------
So I said “Hey, my mother’s from Venus, my father’s from Mars, and here’s my moon you can kiss.”
------
But the toughest case was the couple that were both so ugly they could have tripled his little blue pills and still not worry about seeking immediate medical attention four hours later.
------
Turns out she said she likes bow ties, not beaus’ tied!

Today they're in love. Tomorrow they want to know why he can't pick up his socks.

Come on, bud! Join Us! I'll be your wingman.

"Now where would I carry an ID?"

Ahahaha! There's a baby in this bar! And he's not wearing any pants!

I'm telling you, this job is a piece of cake! Even the weatherman is on target more often than I am.

and once I get bored of the attention, I can just shoot the commitment onto someone else.

". . . so I was drawing back my bow, per my employment contract, when all of a sudden I heard my target say "oh hell no! I don't want to fall in love with that fool! You, on the other hand, have a very cute butt . . ."

they didn't believe me when I said our arrows are loaded with alien DNA...

". . . I was called off my assignment, 'cause she said they all act like babies anyway, I might as well go with you . . .

The pay is lousy but the benefits are beyond expectation.

Justin Bieber? TWENTY MILLION ARROWS? Really??

"...so I gave both guys a pile of arrows, reminded 'em not to ever give vaccuum cleaners for Valentine's Day again, and brought these two out for a beer!"

She said we look like pub crawlers.

It never dawned on me that the crossbow was a female symbol so I offered to buy them drinks.

So I shot her ex, and then Grover Norquist happened to walk by . . .

"... next thing I know, I get a call about our exchange policy."

You think thongs are bad, try wearing a diaper 24/7.....that's why I perfer going commando.

You think thongs are bad? Try wearing a diaper 24/7, recently the union voted that we can just go commando.

I just couldn't watch Hillary get publicly humiliated again, so I took a couple of arrows in the foot.

She's got a lovely accent, but I think she's calling us "chez rubes."

So I'm all, "That's no goddess. That's my mother!"

I know I look young, but bartender, you of all people must understand -- where am I gonna carry ID?

Well, you know what they say about the size of a man's wings...

So I say to him, "Hey, I'm CUPID, stupid, not Eros - I do the best you can't. I save the last of the best for me. Believe me, she's better than you can do on your own. These chicks think I'm cute...if only they knew I was Italian."

"I can't believe someone thinks online dating is going to make us obsolete..."

Do you ever feel like a cute, cuddly little fuzzball - sending something deceptively harmless through the airwaves...

These two wanted to have a baby and I wanted a cuddle, so...here we are

Let me get this straight - if I become a franchise owner of a ``Love Potion Lounge", the company throws in the arrows and I can have a job that does not require traveling. Dude, count me in!

Call me an old-fashioned guy, but when love strikes, a bow and arrow beats out an iPhone and Twitter every time.

so this girl starts ranting at me the other day, saying that I had united her with her soulmate, but that he didn't have, um, a soul.

I'm back on probation... a commitment-phobe ducked my arrow and it hit a Catholic priest.

So, I'm thinkin' "Why waste the arrows on the usual losers? I match 'em up and a few months later, they're looking to change up" So I figured I'd just cut to the chase.

Beer and Cupid! Ah, iconic intermingling of the Sacred and profane needed for hot romance...

"Busman's holiday."

Who needs a podium?! I strap these wings on and the dark blue dresses flock like moths to a flame. (Uh, Hill's still in Yemen right?!)

You see, it's not the size of the arrow that counts. It's the quality of the quiver.

I told them I don't tweet, poke, or live with my parents and they can't keep their hands off me.

Thanks for coming out with me ... I have so much better luck with the ladies when I bring a wingman.

Thanks for the memo ...you're right, it's so nice to go out and not to have to deal with all the jerks undressing me with their eyes.

"...so I look Dick Cheney in the eye and say 'Look, man, you gotta HAVE a heart for these things to work.'"

of course i think being on the bachelor is the best way to find true love

Name-dropping does not impress me. Just let me know you, because you're not measured by who surrounds you, whose autograph you have, whose picture you're posed in, or whose hands you've shaken. We all put our pants on the same way each morning, figuratively speaking.

"So after he told me 'don't go getting your to panties in a tightwad' for the millionth time... it finally occurs to me: who needs 'em anyway?"