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Belgian Crisis: Week Three

Our stalemate with the rogue nation of Belgium continues, bringing us ever closer to the brink of war. WMATA is lobbying the Treasury Department to intervene so that Belgian bank KBC drops its demand for $43 million, an unexpected consequence of the collapse of AIG. I'm on the record as advocating an immediate invasion of Belgium to settle this matter. Nearly two-thirds of "John Kelly's Commons" readers agree.

It appears that the Pentagon has not followed my advice. But while we've heard no reports of an invasion that doesn't mean it hasn't started. Even now Navy SEAL teams may have infiltrated Bruges. The CIA may be recruiting partisans in Ghent. Sleeper agents in Antwerp may have been activated. I worry, though, that our military is not ready to invade Belgium. It's my understanding that we are sorely deficient in Flemish translators at both the State Department and the Department of Defense.

Nor are we winning the propaganda war, despite my best efforts. Here's video from a WMATA news conference that was posted on YouTube last week:

Pretty boring, huh? Now imagine if Chris Zimmerman or John Catoe had come out and delivered a speech like this one (substitute "Belgians" for "Germans" where appropriate):

Now is not the time for pussyfooting. We must show Brussels we mean business. Every time you have to walk up a broken escalator or offload from a train with broken doors, think of those Belgian fatcats.

By John Kelly  |  November 11, 2008; 9:32 AM ET
 | Tags: Belgium, Metro  
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Comments

This is a country that's still running under a provisional/emergency government, right? If they (or, at least, their politicians) can't get along, a divide-and-conquer strategy should work to our advantage.

Posted by: CJH2 | November 11, 2008 10:56 AM | Report abuse

Joking about war on veterans day. Nice touch, Kelly.

Posted by: SNCinDC | November 11, 2008 11:35 AM | Report abuse

SNCinDC: Lighten up, will ya?

Posted by: JimmyMcNulty | November 11, 2008 1:48 PM | Report abuse

Invading a tiny little country whose only crime is asking us to pay back the money we borrowed from them? Where do I sign up?

First, though, let's make sure that whoever makes our tank treads are not the same guys who make those Metro escalators. I'm not an expert, but I do not think "slower traffic to the right" applies on the field of combat.

Also, apropos of your column today: obviously, if there were a God, there wouldn't BE a New Jersey Turnpike. THINK, man!

Posted by: tracythompson1 | November 12, 2008 9:42 AM | Report abuse

The comments to this entry are closed.

 
 
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