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Today's Top Stories, Condensed

I introduce a new feature today: The News in Haiku Form.

Why bother plowing through long, boring, informative articles when you can simply read about the day's most pressing issues in classic Japanese poetic form?

Here's today's news, served up in bite-size helpings:

"Day of reckoning."
Oh please, not another one!
Biden's smile scares me.

Lady: Put glass down.
As much as men like you drunk,
Not good for rectum.

Poor guy. Lost his job.
Dating's tough. Now he has to
Leverage himself.

Carbon dioxide:
How much is there anyway?
Oops. We'll never know.

Those North Koreans...
"Communications" rocket?
'Fraid not. Going ballistic.

"Going to the dogs."
It has a new meaning now.
Fido strikes it rich.

Are there any stories you'd like to transform into three lines of 5-7-5 syllables? Just leave them in the "Commons" comments section below.

Altered States
And don't forget about my Photoshop Till You Drop contest. I've received several very funny entries. All you need to do is take a photo of some text in the Washington area, digitally alter it in some way, then e-mail me the finished product. I'll treat the winner to lunch.

By John Kelly  |  February 25, 2009; 9:00 AM ET
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Next: Silly Syllables: More News Haikus


Haiku again, John?
We have done that already.
Inspire us with something new.

Posted by: justhere | February 25, 2009 9:29 AM | Report abuse

Bernanke's Vision
Sees prosperity coming
Take it to the bank

Posted by: mfromalexva | February 25, 2009 10:00 AM | Report abuse

Thank you, MfromAlexVA, for entering into the spirit.

@Justhere: It's been like four years since I've even had the word "haiku" in my column! From now on, you must submit entries only in the sestina format.

Posted by: JohnFKelly | February 25, 2009 2:45 PM | Report abuse

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