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BritNews RoundUp: Sausagephobia Edition

Some of my colleagues in the British press have no qualms about faking posing photographs. We here in the U.S. cannot, of course, condone such behavior. And yet occasionally the results are so entertaining that I have to cut the Brits some slack.

Take, for example, the photograph that accompanies a story from the Reading Post headlined: "Naked neighbour 'put me off men.'" Denise Woodage, 54, had to endure neighbor Paul Darlow doing chores outside his house naked save for a pair of boots. On occasion he also touched himself inappropriately.

Darlow was convicted of indecent exposure but Woodage is struggling to return to normalcy. “I am now on anti-depressants and also sleeping tablets – this has really affected me," Woodage told the paper. She's gone off men and, as the photo makes clear, she's gone off sausages as well.

In related news: A Welsh county council, concerned about offending diners at a staff cafeteria, renamed one of the items on its menu. The dough-and-raisin dessert known as "spotted dick" is now being called "spotted Richard." According to the Sun, "They stepped in after staff complained that diners had been making smutty comments about the dish."

This has outraged some in Britain's pudding community. "This is absolutely ridiculous," said Peter Henderson, chairman of the Pudding Club. "The name Spotted Dick is completely harmless and it's been part of the English language for years."

To which I can only reply: There's a Pudding Club?

Only someone who has never had a 2-year-old girl could think that they are uniformly cute and sweet. They can turn into screaming she-devils in an instant. Still, that doesn't excuse the manager at a Yorkshire Mexican restaurant who added "Thank you, little f*****" to the bottom of Craig and Kimberly Cartin's bill. Their daughter Molly had had a bit of a meltdown at the Cactus Joe's.

"Molly was a bit grumbly, a bit moany, but her behaviour certainly wasn't terrible," Craig told the Daily Mail, "so this was just uncalled for."

What the manager actually typed was "littell f*****." I'd have fired her for poor spelling. I hope she at least spelled "f*****" correctly.

Britain may have lost its empire, but it is still capable of greatness. The latest reminder comes courtesy of Stewart Hefti of the Royal Air Force, who recently set a new world record by drinking a cup of tea while the airplane he was in performed 14 loop-the-loops. Hefti told the Daily Mail: "When we first took off I was more worried about the tea staying in the cup, but after the first loop I realised it would and I started to enjoy it more. It was only after we landed that I started to feel a bit queasy."

The record for most spotted dick consumed while drinking tea in an airplane doing loop-the-loops with a screaming 2-year-old in the back seat is still out there for the grabbing.

By John Kelly  |  September 11, 2009; 9:10 AM ET
Categories:  BritNews RoundUp  
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