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Katherine Schwarzenegger's new book!

Katherine Schwarzenegger has written a book entitled "Rock What You've Got."

It's about loving your body the way it is. If only Arnold had been able to read it before he started body building and became Mr. Universe. Then he and I would have exactly the same body mass and California would not have had nearly the amount of electoral reform it's had.

Letting Arnold Schwarzenegger's daughter advise you on how to "rock what you've got" is like letting John McCain's daughter tell you how sexy and dirty politics are: Ridic Something that will definitely get you a book contract. And the two topics aren't really that different. Nutrition is like policy: it's something that other people tell you is important and good for you, and it tries to discourage you from buying packs of cholesterol because they burden the health-care system.

All the same, I wonder what makes Katherine Schwarzenegger uniquely qualified to write about rocking what you've got, other than the fact that she is clearly attractive and well-maintained, and nobody really understands nutrition, anyhow. I certainly don't. Once I read a book called "Think Yourself Thin." It came with a hypnosis cd, and it encouraged you to eat slowly and listen to your stomach when it told you you were full. My stomach must be shy, or maybe I wasn't listening hard enough, but I never heard it say anything, and while I was waiting I ate six live steers.

This isn't sour grapes. It's a blog post. Still, I should probably mention that I've been writing a book, myself. So far, no agents have bitten, which is a shame because I have all the wealth of experience that you gain from being two years older than Katherine Schwarzenegger. That's a lot! I have so much wisdom now that I sometimes feel compelled to stop children on the street and mutter to them about futility. As a consequence, I am no longer allowed within a two-mile radius of my old elementary school. But no prophet is understood in her home town.

In a weird coincidence, my book is called "Rock: What You've Got." If you think you might be holding a rock but need some reassurance, it's the book for you!

What do you mean, that sounds like a foolish idea for a book, and I have no real qualifications? Don't you know who I am?

By Alexandra Petri  | September 17, 2010; 6:15 PM ET
Categories:  Petri  | Tags:  Katherine Schwarzenegger  
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