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Exclusive -- interview with Aqua Buddha

In the recent debate between Kentucky Senate candidates Rand Paul (R) and Jack Conway (D) and in a recent attack ad from Conway, the subject of "Aqua Buddha" came up. Aqua Buddha is an elusive deity that, according to a quote in an article in GQ, Rand Paul tried to induce someone to "worship" as a college prank.

Because I am very connected, I was able to contact Aqua Buddha. Here's the transcript.

Hello, Aqua Buddha. It's an honor. Your name came up in the debate between Rand Paul and Jack Conway recently. Were you affiliated with Mr. Paul at any point?

AB: Back in college. But, then again, who wasn't affiliated with some crazy things in college? I used to worship a false god myself. The porcelain god! Can I get a high five?

No.

AB: That was back when I was on the path of sensual gratification.

Have you had any role in Mr. Paul's campaign up to this point?

AB: Well, I appeared in this ad for his opponent. That's me! I'm the blue guy!

AB: Yeah! Aqua Buddha is in the HOUSE! And soon, Jack Conway will be in the House! Or the Senate! I forget.

It could be said that your ad "swift-boated" Mr. Paul, since you, as a friend, were retelling a water-based experience from a long time ago in a way that was harmful to him.

AB: Aqua Buddha is the new swift boat. He thought we were on the same team? Doesn't he know who I am? I'm such a blue-stater, I'm literally in a blue state all the time. The Aqua Buddha just made a joke there, because the Aqua Buddha is physically blue!

Do you have any other involvement in state politics?

AB: The only state I care about is the state of enlightenment from worldly cares! I am a permanent resident. I'm the Aqua Buddha!

So, you endorse Rand Paul's challenger?

AB: The only thing Aqua Buddha endorses is liberation from the wheel of suffering. Follow the Eight-Fold Aqua Path!

This is your first foray into political activity?

AB: Aqua Buddha doesn't want to address that at this time. Let's talk about water. I love water! I love water so much I voted for Maxine Waters twice before realizing my mistake!

I see.

AB: Want to know what my favorite band is? Here, I will tell you: Nirvana! Specifically, Aqua Nirvana.

Aqua Buddha, do you have any predictions for the election?

AB: To the Aqua Buddha, all time is one moment, the flickering of a candle.

So, yes?

AB: So... probably Rand Paul.

Any final words?

AB: Hide your wife, hide your kids, because the Aqua Buddha is TRANSCENDING EVERYBODY OUT HERE!

Thank you for that, Aqua Buddha.

By Alexandra Petri  | October 18, 2010; 4:00 PM ET
Categories:  Petri, That's awkward  | Tags:  Aqua Buddha  
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