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Goodbye Pulpo Paul: a tribute to our favorite psychic octopus

"How far that little candle throws its beams. So shines a good Octopus in a naughty world."
- The Merchant of Venice, Octopus Edition

Before commenting seriously on the news, I want to take a moment for Paul the Octopus, the psychic cephalopod who correctly predicted the outcome of eight World Cup soccer matches, including the final. It is highly possible that none of us -- not you, not myself, not Christine O'Donnell -- will ever bring so much concentrated joy to people -- or inspire so many angry recipes -- as this octopus did. So as we head into some of the more divisive weeks of the year, let's come together and celebrate someone who touched all of us with his tentacles, but opted not to release a paralyzing toxin into our bloodstream.

Octopus in the Wind*

Goodbye Pulpo Paul
Though I never knew you at all
You had the jets to propel yourself
While those around you crawled

They crawled into the Sea Life Centre
And gave you mussels to choose
They let you pick the winners
And ignore the ones who'd lose

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a cephalopod in the wind
Always knowing which to cling to
'Ere the games'd begin
And I would have liked to have known you
But the lifespan of the common octopus is only 3 years
Your ink cloud disappeared before
Your legend ever did.

Prescience was tough
The toughest role you had to play
Haters with recipes
Could ruin your whole day
And even when you died
Some people mocked your psychic stare
"Guess he didn't see it coming,"
Was all that Twitter had to share.

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a cephalopod in the wind
Always knowing which to cling to
'Ere the games'd begin
And I would have liked to have known you
But the lifespan of the common octopus is only 3 years and tickets to Germany are out of my price range at the present time
Your ink cloud disappeared before
Your legend ever did.

Goodbye Pulpo Paul
Though I never knew you at all
Goodbye Pulpo Paul
More fun to watch than Knocked Up was
You left a legacy far greater
Than the average octopus.
Goodbye Pulpo Paul.

Enjoy the Octopus's Garden in the sky.

I'm going to go cry into my Pulpo a la Gallega now.

*With apologies to Elton John!

By Alexandra Petri  | October 26, 2010; 10:59 AM ET
Categories:  From bad to verse, Petri  | Tags:  Pulpo Paul, RIP  
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