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Jennifer Mee -- from hiccups to murder?

"Hiccup girl" Jennifer Mee has been charged with first-degree murder!

It's the classic tragedy. Someone rises to fame and prominence for something innocent and then starts arranging for people to be killed. Like Macbeth! Or Mark Zuckerberg -- at least according to "The Social Network."

Mee reportedly lured Shannon Griffin to a house where he was robbed and shot repeatedly.

Is this a logical step? Does the brief and fleeting notoriety associated with the moniker "hiccup girl" lead naturally to that other kind of peculiar and fleeting notoriety associated with murder charges?

Of course.

People hate hiccupers with the sort of vehemence they usually reserve for, well, murderers. On an unscientific poll I just conducted, asking people whether they would prefer to stand next to a murderer or someone with hiccups on their next subway ride, 66 percent picked the killer! This makes sense. After all, killers have off-days.

And the parallels between the two go deep. Consider the following, replacing "hiccup" with "murder."

Hiccups are very irritating to those around you. And they're usually impossible to cure.

You can try praying for divine assistance, but if you're hiccuping while doing it, it sounds a lot less convincing.

The more hiccuping you do, the more likely it is that you will draw media attention to yourself, or that an episode of Law and Order: SVU will be based on your life

"I can't stop, and I don't know why it happens," is something people say about hiccups.

Some people find hiccups sexy, but most people don't.

"Try thinking about something else, like horses," is advice people give you when you are hiccuping.

You can blame hiccups on your diet or upbringing, but it won't be very convincing.

Hiccups might alienate you from your cellmate.

All I'm saying is, it's a slippery slope. She should plead not guilty by reason of inanity.

Poor Mee

Jennifer Mee
Committed murder in the first degree
As part of a fatal robbery
She's moved along the scale to stickups
Who first began with just the hiccups.

By Alexandra Petri  | October 25, 2010; 12:18 PM ET
Categories:  Petri, Reality? Television  | Tags:  Too soon?, hiccups  
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