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NPR fired Juan Williams for this? My plane danger list.

Commentator Juan Williams was fired by NPR after his comments that "I get worried. I get nervous" when he gets on the plane and sees people "in Muslim garb" who are "identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims."

Setting aside the question of whether this is appropriate, I want to make certain it doesn't happen to me.

For the record, here's who I'm terrified of seeing when I get on the plane. If I ever go on Bill O'Reilly (hint: in person, I look far less like a yak with Dutch Elm) I will admit to all of these.

  • People who "identify first and foremost as the owners of small, yapping dogs."
  • People who identify first and foremost as babies.
  • People who identify first and foremost as "indulgent parents who want you to hear their child's opinion about the airplane, Dora the Explorer, and his favorite breeds of truck."
  • People whose crates emit mysterious noises that suggest they have recently performed an exorcism and are bringing the demon with them to release it back into Miami.
  • People who identify first and foremost as obviously preferring one of their children to the other, allowing one of them to hog two seats and placing the other one in the overhead compartment
  • People who identify first and foremost as working in marketing and want to tell you about their exciting plans for a start-up that is "like Twitter, but more so."
  • People who refuse to help me finish my crossword puzzle! C'mon, guys! Four letters, Elvis's middle name!
  • This girl I sat next to once on an airplane who kept looking over at me, shaking her head, and then making entries in her "Sin Diary" for the entirety of our two-hour flight to Orlando.
  • People who begin the flight by asking, "You can tell when your water breaks, right?"
  • People who identify first and foremost as stand-up comedians telling you used airplane jokes. "Airline food! It's awful! I would say it's like cardboard, but that would be an insult to my mother!"
  • snakes

By Alexandra Petri  | October 21, 2010; 1:21 PM ET
Categories:  Petri, Reality? Television, Top Lists  | Tags:  Juan Williams, airplanes  
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