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Sarah Palin and 'permanent residents of a unicorn ranch in fantasy land'

By Alexandra Petri

Yesterday, Sarah Palin said that Jerry Brown and Barbara Boxer are acting like "permanent residents of a unicorn ranch in fantasy land."

What?

I once lived on a unicorn ranch, but I only had a student visa.

This is a well-delineated fantasy land! There are different degrees of residency that you can have in the unicorn ranch area? I bet their immigration policy is very similar to Arizona's!

What else is in fantasy land? I guess unicorns must be a valuable commodity there. That one unicorn who won the Fantasy Land Triple Crown Rainbow Fantasy Race must be a prized stud!

"If you ignored her," people always say of Sarah Palin, "she would go away."

Well, maybe. But if she keeps saying things like this, I wouldn't hold my breath. I have a lot of willpower. Not to boast, but if I had been hanging out with Adam back in the garden days, we might not be in the predicament we're in. But if God had informed me that I could eat absolutely any fruit I wanted as long as I refrained from talking about Sarah Palin -- I don't think I could have held out.

For the past few weeks, as an experiment, I tried to avoid the subject. I was boycotting! It was a noble exercise, like jogging for famine relief.

But soon it started to eat at me. "What do you want to do?" people asked. "Oh, nothing much," I would sigh, pushing my food away. "I'll go read an improving tract." It went on like this for days.

And yesterday she had to go and talk about unicorns! Not just unicorns -- ranch unicorns, in fantasy land! Unicorns! I didn't even know Sarah Palin approved of unicorns! "They're like horses," I picture her saying, "but unnatural. And they're frequently accompanied by rainbows."

And then there was the line about permanent residency status! It was so oddly specific! It was mesmerizing! In alarm, I watched myself moving towards the commentary portal.

What can I say? I'm once again a resident of that other magical fantasy ranch, where the only exports are words like "refudiate" and "lamestream media," endorsements, and wolves who have been shot from airplanes. And it's looking permanent this time.

Here's the clip.

By Alexandra Petri  | October 15, 2010; 1:41 PM ET
Categories:  Petri, That's awkward  | Tags:  Sarah Palin, unicorns  
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