Better names for the Daily Beast-Newsweek merger
Newsweek, an ailing but venerable news magazine just sold for one dollar, and The Daily Beast, an online publication never sold for any money at all, just decided to merge. They must have been attracted by their low ticket prices and that alluring aroma of desperation, the way those couples in all-bluejean outfits were back in the 1990s.
The Post has another poll suggesting names for the Daily Beast-Newsweek merger simply by recombining the words. My favorite, "Da News Beast," hasn't showed up yet, but I'm still pulling for it. Come on. You're a member of the East Coast elite, sitting at home in your slippers, reading your news magazine, sipping a cappuccino, and worrying that your wife no longer sees you as the virile man you assume she did initially. "What are you reading, dear?" she asks, coming down the stairs. "DA NEWS BEAST!" you shout, overturning the coffee table and snarling at her. Think of what that'll do for your marriage! No? Well, all I'm saying is, consider it.
I worry that most of my suggestions end up like this, but I still think it's a good name.
But I have a better idea -- recombine the letters. I've heard that anagrams never lie. Admittedly, a Web site that makes anagrams is where I got this information, and afterwards it attempted to sell me a "very lightly used" car, but still.
Here are some anagrammed results. Try your hand at it!
A Bad Newsiest Weekly
Keen Sty Was Bewailed
Key West Was Deniable
Was A Biweekly Tensed?
We Inked Waste Basely
Seek Wine, Waste Badly!
Waste Weakened Sibyl
A Twinkly Ewe Debases
Bad Slinky Ewe Sweats
A Bawdiest Weensy Elk
Belated Ewes Was Inky
Was Bawd Enlistee Key?
Saw Bawdy Elites Keen
Weedy Ski Was Tenable
Lye Was Beatniks Weed
News, Albeit Skewed, Ya
But I think this is more like naming horses. A good horse merger emphasizes the salient features of its two component horses and brings them to their logical conclusion. (Imagine that Newsweek is the mare in this scenario.) For instance, Forever Together is the offspring of Belong to Me and Constant Companion. Also, there is a horse named Dontsellmetofelons, the sibling of I Want Revenge. The former might have been a good name for Newsweek, but fortunately the moment passed without incident.
In this case, I'd recommend something like:
Newsweek + Daily Beast = Dang It, Every Week The News Is Bad
| November 12, 2010; 10:47 AM ET
Categories: Bad Advice, Epic Failures, Petri | Tags: newsweek, print media is dying
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