Thanks, but no Thanksgiving -- updates to the Other Side of the Coin
In the early years of the Internet, a series of thankful phrases circulated on the internet called "The Other Side of the Coin." You can read them here.
These are inspiring words! But say them today, and people scoff. The economy is broken! Everyone is depressed! So below, I have updated these lines to reflect how they might be rendered today:
Thankful Not Thankful:
- For the teenager who is not doing dishes but is watching TV,
because that means he is at home and not on the streetsbecause that means that he is part of our youth culture of distraction and lethargy.
- For the taxes I pay,
because it means that I am employedbecause it means that the tax code is broken.
- For the mess to clean after a party,
because it means that I have been surrounded by friendsbecause it means that my friends have trashed my house and gone somewhere more interesting where they did not invite me.
- For the clothes that fit a little too snug,
because it means I have enough to eatbecause it means I am part of America's obesity epidemic.
- For my shadow that watches me work,
because it means I am out in the sunshinebecause it means I am being followed by an unidentified stranger.
- For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning, and gutters that need fixing,
because it means I have a homebecause it means that my house is in disrepair and likely to be foreclosed on because of my decisions during the housing bubble.
- For all the complaining I hear about the government,
because it means that we have freedom of speechbecause it means that I am active in the Tea Party.
- For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot,
because it means I am capable of walking, and that I have been blessed with transportationbecause it means that they did not really think it through when they were placing the Handicapped Parking.
- For my huge heating bill,
because it means I am warmbecause it means the price of oil is rising and America is becoming a debtor nation.
- For the lady behind me in my place of worship when she sings off key,
because it means that I can hearbecause it means that I might have perfect pitch, and that will make the rest of my life miserable.
- For the pile of laundry and ironing,
because it means I have clothes to wearbecause it means that women's lib has failed to reach me.
- For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day,
because it means I have been capable of working hardbecause it means the TSA probably did something wrong.
- For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours,
because it means that I am alivebecause it might mean that my house is on fire.
- For too much e-mail,
because it means I have friends who are thinking of mebecause it means that my spam filter is not working properly.
| November 24, 2010; 2:43 PM ET
Categories: Bad Advice, Only on the Internet, Petri, Top Lists | Tags: Thanksgiving, parody
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