Christine O'Donnell's 30-minute ad would have worked!
Viddy well, my droogies! I have viddied the new Christine O'Donnell 30-minute spot with my glazzies, and now I hear all proper!
Seriously, I now understand why Christine O'Donnell wants to air this ad so much -- and why the stations seem so frightened. Sure, they say she "missed her deadline." But I think they realized they were messing with a higher power.
Don't watch it if you value your free will! I just watched, and I am now fully convinced that Christine O'Donnell is the senator I need, as a proud Delawarean. I am also convinced that I am a proud Delawarean. What can I say? The ad was very powerful. It's like that video they showed the guy in A Clockwork Orange, only they don't have to force your eyes open. But now it is very difficult for me to listen to Beethoven without rushing to a polling both and voting for Christine O'Donnell.
As I type this, I'm literally in a car driving to Delaware to register to vote for her multiple times. It was the part of the video where she went to Kent Sussex Industries to greet its employees, many of whom had disabilities, that really did the trick for me. "You can tell that they really take pride in their work, and it gives them a sense of productivity," O'Donnell says. "And I'm really glad we went there. And we can remember to put their Christmas party on the, uh, Christmas party on the calendar."
That's when I felt this strange itching in my right palm. I looked down, and I had filled out two voter registration forms, one on my own behalf, and one for my deceased great uncle.
Seriously, this is one of the greatest and most persuasive works ever created. Thomas Paine's "Common Sense" has nothing on it! Speaking in my usual capacity as Everyman, there is nothing I find more convincing than listening to Michael Steele talk about something -- anything! -- for up to three minutes. I once bought six bowflexes because I misheard something he said at a rally. This video knows that.
Also, the video shows Christine O'Donnell hugging people. In the last five minutes of the video, she hugs more than eight people. It's heart-warming. I wasn't loved enough in my childhood, because we were Scandinavian, and according to ancient Scandinavian lore, if you hug your family more than six times in the entire course of your life together, a troll will come and drag you to Jotunheim. So I found the ad refreshing.
Still, Christine does make a good point. After a transition that features a creepy, clouded moon, perhaps symbolizing witchcraft, she noted, "While a lot of people might want the spotlight on their campaign, it certainly created a disadvantage for us... What this election cycle should be about is focusing on the issues that Delawareans are concerned about." It's a pity she didn't think of this earlier. But not too much of a pity, because if she had, this ad might not exist. And it is like the Pieta, but more cheerful!
Of course, until I saw the footage, I would have said this strategy was silly -- absurd, even! Whose campaign strategy is "Wait until two nights before the election, then air a 30-minute video?" Sure, it worked for Barack Obama, but just because something works for Barack Obama doesn't mean it will work for everyone! I once tried to have a beer summit in high school, and it turned out very badly.
But as it turns out, she was right. This will work! I'm not sure how, but it will! (Move, cars! I'm almost at the border!) This is where I would have reflected, "Maybe she's a witch after all," but I'm too busy registering and voting with wild abandon. Watch it -- if you dare.
| November 1, 2010; 4:50 PM ET
Categories: Petri, Reality? Television, Senate | Tags: Christine O'Donnell, Clockwork Orange, witch
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