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Christine O'Donnell's 30-minute ad would have worked!

Viddy well, my droogies! I have viddied the new Christine O'Donnell 30-minute spot with my glazzies, and now I hear all proper!

Seriously, I now understand why Christine O'Donnell wants to air this ad so much -- and why the stations seem so frightened. Sure, they say she "missed her deadline." But I think they realized they were messing with a higher power.

We the People of the First State from Friends of Christine O'Donnell on Vimeo.

Don't watch it if you value your free will! I just watched, and I am now fully convinced that Christine O'Donnell is the senator I need, as a proud Delawarean. I am also convinced that I am a proud Delawarean. What can I say? The ad was very powerful. It's like that video they showed the guy in A Clockwork Orange, only they don't have to force your eyes open. But now it is very difficult for me to listen to Beethoven without rushing to a polling both and voting for Christine O'Donnell.

As I type this, I'm literally in a car driving to Delaware to register to vote for her multiple times. It was the part of the video where she went to Kent Sussex Industries to greet its employees, many of whom had disabilities, that really did the trick for me. "You can tell that they really take pride in their work, and it gives them a sense of productivity," O'Donnell says. "And I'm really glad we went there. And we can remember to put their Christmas party on the, uh, Christmas party on the calendar."

That's when I felt this strange itching in my right palm. I looked down, and I had filled out two voter registration forms, one on my own behalf, and one for my deceased great uncle.

Seriously, this is one of the greatest and most persuasive works ever created. Thomas Paine's "Common Sense" has nothing on it! Speaking in my usual capacity as Everyman, there is nothing I find more convincing than listening to Michael Steele talk about something -- anything! -- for up to three minutes. I once bought six bowflexes because I misheard something he said at a rally. This video knows that.

Also, the video shows Christine O'Donnell hugging people. In the last five minutes of the video, she hugs more than eight people. It's heart-warming. I wasn't loved enough in my childhood, because we were Scandinavian, and according to ancient Scandinavian lore, if you hug your family more than six times in the entire course of your life together, a troll will come and drag you to Jotunheim. So I found the ad refreshing.

Still, Christine does make a good point. After a transition that features a creepy, clouded moon, perhaps symbolizing witchcraft, she noted, "While a lot of people might want the spotlight on their campaign, it certainly created a disadvantage for us... What this election cycle should be about is focusing on the issues that Delawareans are concerned about." It's a pity she didn't think of this earlier. But not too much of a pity, because if she had, this ad might not exist. And it is like the Pieta, but more cheerful!

Of course, until I saw the footage, I would have said this strategy was silly -- absurd, even! Whose campaign strategy is "Wait until two nights before the election, then air a 30-minute video?" Sure, it worked for Barack Obama, but just because something works for Barack Obama doesn't mean it will work for everyone! I once tried to have a beer summit in high school, and it turned out very badly.

But as it turns out, she was right. This will work! I'm not sure how, but it will! (Move, cars! I'm almost at the border!) This is where I would have reflected, "Maybe she's a witch after all," but I'm too busy registering and voting with wild abandon. Watch it -- if you dare.

By Alexandra Petri  | November 1, 2010; 4:50 PM ET
Categories:  Petri, Reality? Television, Senate  | Tags:  Christine O'Donnell, Clockwork Orange, witch  
Save & Share:  Send E-mail   Facebook   Twitter   Digg   Yahoo Buzz   Del.icio.us   StumbleUpon   Technorati   Google Buzz   Previous: Alcohol is worse than heroin, crack cocaine? Of course!
Next: Twas the night before midterms

Comments

Ready to HOBO UP with a GOP House or Senate?
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singer of the New Depression Blues and hopefully you too won’t have to HOBO UP. Jon Stewart Rally, I was there!

Posted by: countrycarl | November 1, 2010 5:57 PM | Report abuse

Who are you Alexandra? Are you even old enough to drive? Apparently you are still drunk on the euphoria of the day comedians became the voice of the Democratic Party in DC. Not sure it did much to restore your sanity. Maybe you and Al Franken can have a May-December fling. Please, don't try to be clever, it comes across like a whale tail in Walmrt.

Posted by: TwoDog1 | November 1, 2010 6:01 PM | Report abuse

What a great video! Makes we want to suck up more of that ultra-tea and then go out and do the votey-vote tomorrow.

Posted by: LakeviewGreg | November 1, 2010 6:16 PM | Report abuse

What a great video! Makes we want to suck up more of that ultra-tea and then go out and do the votey-vote tomorrow.

Posted by: LakeviewGreg | November 1, 2010 6:17 PM | Report abuse

Ugh, another reason most young people feel this way about the tea party as a whole:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZlhSY_5_fo

Let's get it together!

Posted by: scathingres | November 1, 2010 6:48 PM | Report abuse

Hi TwoDog1,

I'm glad you finally came down from Jötunheimr to straighten out us little people.

As you've discovered, Petri slurs out her drunken columns like Christine O'Donnell at a Halloween party. She'll also do any dude with a 6 pack. She's living proof that alcohol is worse than heroin, crack & cocaine. I've already reported her for underage drinking.

I'll have to admit that I dated Petri for 2 years, and it sure didn't do much for my sanity. I'm stuck here in Gastropnir, where Menglad makes me read Petri columns all day. Take me to Asgard with you... please??

Oh, and try the whale tail at Costco. A lot of us really love it!

Posted by: divtune | November 1, 2010 7:33 PM | Report abuse

And you wonder why people don't take the Democratic party seriously? You can disagree with Republicans, but when you resort to lame attempts at humor (I guess that's what you were aiming for), you embarrass MY beloved Democratic party! We have a big enough problem with our politicians who lie, cheat, and steal, we don't need sophomoric attempts at humor that fall as flat as Nancy Pelosi's latest Botox treatment or Joe Biden's gaffs at his so-called intellect. I'd say don't quit your day job, but I suspect this IS your day job. Scary.

Posted by: Maxsdad53 | November 1, 2010 10:02 PM | Report abuse

The thing is that the Tea Party still doesn't talk about the real issue because Glenn Beck told them to concentrate on other things.

Posted by: thirdpartyvote | November 1, 2010 10:08 PM | Report abuse

That much younger man Christine tried to seduce says he was turned off by her lack of hygiene. (According to him, it's a jungle down there.) So, I was expecting her to announce a revelation - that she should shave or wax - in the video. I'm disappointed.

Posted by: query0 | November 2, 2010 5:00 AM | Report abuse

Charming Christine O'Donnell is a sweet, sincere, pretty young lady who deserves to be a U.S. Senator.

Posted by: bubbasouth | November 2, 2010 5:58 AM | Report abuse

whiteskinned liberals are all racists who keep voting for robert byrd solely because he is a klansman. joe biden said that obama is the only clean black and harry ried stated he tolerates obama only because he suppresses the "n***** accent." why did they say that? because they knew that the whiteskinned liberals like to hear this sort of stuff. all whiteskinned liberals are dirty racists.

Posted by: vkurien | November 2, 2010 7:18 AM | Report abuse

Oh, nicely done, Alexandra. I don't think I've ever seen anyone succeed in interspersing this much condescension with cutesy references to A Clockwork Orange and Jotunheim. Brava!

You're really going to go far at the Post. Keep your nose in the air, and ear to the astroturf, dear. XOXO

Posted by: crusoe | November 2, 2010 10:22 AM | Report abuse

Too bad for Ms. Petri that there is no Pulitzer Prize for snarky, humorless condescension.

Posted by: kbmr | November 2, 2010 2:57 PM | Report abuse

Ouch! KBMR!

Are you aware of all the unconscious, snarky, humorless condescension you're projecting?

Posted by: divtune | November 2, 2010 7:12 PM | Report abuse

divtune:

That settles it. The Pulitzer is mine!
(actually, it's dinnertime, so I'd settle for a pullet).

Posted by: kbmr | November 2, 2010 7:19 PM | Report abuse

I agree kbmr. You take the cake. Go ahead and eat it too.

Have you tried snark yet? I hear it tastes like chicken.

Posted by: divtune | November 3, 2010 2:50 AM | Report abuse

And don't mess with Petri again, kbmr. I'll have to make you eat your words again.

Posted by: divtune | November 3, 2010 2:56 AM | Report abuse

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