Top 12 Things to say to your TSA scanner
I am about to get on a plane!
I'm excited, because it has been a while since I had this kind of action, and the last time was two years ago on a D.C. bus, when someone was attempting to take my wallet.
Sure, other people have complained about the TSA pat-downs, from the "Don't Touch My Junk" moment with John Tyner earlier this week to the outcry from Charles Krauthammer this morning. Some are even pushing for National Opt-Out Day!
In light of all this, here are some things I encourage you to say to the TSA employee during your scan, just to make him feel as uncomfortable as you do, even though he is probably only doing his job. (Although this period is probably like Mardi Gras for random individuals who want to wear slimming blue ensembles and touch strangers.)
- Would you prefer I said that this was a lethal explosive or that I was just happy to see you?
- I've got some baggage in my pants that's been left unattended.
- I haven't felt this violated since I read the passage of George W. Bush's book that described the fetus in the jar.
- Do you know what censure means? Yeah, me neither.
- If you were a member of the Nixon family, you'd be Pat. You know, because of the pats.
- If you were an 80's-era female singer, you'd be Pat Benatar. You know, because of the pats.
- If you were a member of the Jackson family, you'd be Michael. You know, because of the...
- Have you ever seen "The Crying Game"?
- You'd think if they were going to make this required, they would at least legalize smoking on board airplanes afterwards.
- So, do you come here often?
- Is this a bad time to tell you I have this rare condition where if anyone touches a specific dime-sized area of my upper thigh, I make the bond with him for life? I'm part Avatar on my mother's side.
- If you touch my junk, I will have you arrested.
| November 19, 2010; 4:30 PM ET
Categories: Petri, That's awkward, Top Lists, Worst Things Ever | Tags: TSA, Too soon?, airplanes
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