Scientists estimate three times the number of stars? I blame Snooki
(Image via AP/NASA)
Ron Cowen at Science News reported that "Astronomers who examined eight relatively nearby galaxies have found evidence of a surprisingly high abundance of faint, low-mass stars."
I initially assumed this sentence was about today's celebrity culture. "You're telling me, Ron!" I shouted. "This is what we get for calling people like the Kardashians stars -- well, this and some debit card-related problems. "Faint, low mass?" That describes Lindsay Lohan perfectly.
But then I noticed it was about space.
This devaluation of what it means to be a star has gone too far. First Star magazine. Then Star Jones. After they put Bristol Palin on Dancing with the Stars, it was only a matter of time.
Before, I used to look up at the stars and feel like a tiny, insignificant speck. Now the feeling's mutual!
What has happened? Remember when stars were big? Blue giants? White giants? White dwarfs? It's not the pictures -- it's the stars that have gotten small. Sure, there's more, but more doesn't mean better! Look at Octomom!
"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?" Don't -- it'll encourage them! Tell those millions of little stars they can go twinkle twinkle somewhere else!
Nowadays, we barely have enough star power to guest-star on an episode of Glee! Instead of finding twice the current number of stars, but dim, unimpressive, and probably maintaining active Twitter accounts rife with misspellings, can't we just find one really big, bright star? It shouldn't be too hard. Just picture the space equivalent of Natalie Portman.
To console myself, I've been waiting eagerly for NASA's big announcement concerning extraterrestrial life (maybe they found some that is thinking of running in 2012!) which I assume will be like Christmas, if you replace "Santa" with "bacteria that feed on arsenic." I worry that it will be as disappointing as the time I thought my parents were going to tell me they'd discovered extraterrestrial life and it turned out Uncle Ron had passed.
| December 2, 2010; 9:12 AM ET
Categories: Petri, Worst Things Ever | Tags: Star Wars, space
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