Post-RNC break up, top job ideas for Michael Steele
Michael Steele just withdrew from contention for Republican National Committee chairman. But make no mistake, this was a break-up.
"It's not me -- it's you," the Republican Party explained. "Look, I just feel like I've grown a lot over the course of our relationship. But now you're sort of the third wheel. The American People and I have found love, and you're just that person who stands there saying awkward things and won't take the hint. You're the Fredo of this family. You're a party foul. And let's not talk about that whole gentleman's club thing."
Give yourself time to grieve. Don't be afraid of those feelings. If you have to scream, scream. And when you recover, start thinking about other jobs.
There are plenty of jobsThis is not the end of the world, so it will be easy to find something to do, given all your talents. For instance, you are very good at speaking while having a mustache. Tom Selleck has a similar skill set, and he's been able to hold jobs for years.
Admittedly, this is a giant blow to Mustached Americans. You once showed that the career possibilities for mustached Americans extends beyond Cowboy, Salvador Dali, and Robert Goulet. Now their most important representative is, uh, Jimmy "The Rent is Too Damn High" McMillan. Maybe they have a job for you.
But in the mean time, here are some careers you can choose!
(There is a definite market for empathizing on people's behinds, but this might not be what you're looking for.) Other suggestions:
- Author. Write a tell-all memoir with a name like "I am the Cow on the Tracks."
- Wedding Crasher. Show up at parties where no one wants you and insist that you're not going to leave until people vote against you at least four times.
- Guy who goes to high schools to talk about drugs. What a great way of showing you're hip and relatable! "What up!" you can say. "I know what!" Then you can explain what up (sky, unemployment, value of gold) as everyone sighs audibly.
- Interior decorator. Start an interior design business called "Michael Steele Shows Up At Your House And Sort Of Redecorates." Don't really do anything that the house owner wants. Stand around awkwardly. Claim that things are underway. When people point out obvious mistakes, suggest that "it's not really a house."
- Guy who goes to high school reunions to boost everyone else's self-esteem.
- Knife salesman -- "We are going beyond cutting-edge."
- West Hollywood Voyeur patron. Hey, you paid, you might as well go.
- Benchwarmer for a team that's doing really well. Whenever given the opportunity to do something that could be helpful, lob the ball off court and say something awkward.
- Coffee salesman. "Tea is overrated," you can explain, before bursting into tears and making everyone uncomfortable.
Sarah Palin 2012 campaign manager. So crazy, it just might work!
| January 14, 2011; 4:40 PM ET
Categories: Bad Advice, Petri, Top Lists | Tags: Michael Steele, RNC, Rent Is Too Damn High
Save & Share: Previous: Miracles, beatification, and Gabrielle Giffords
Next: Trenta? Starbucks, are you going through a midlife crisis?
Posted by: rodri2 | January 14, 2011 6:06 PM | Report abuse
Posted by: digtldesk | January 15, 2011 10:22 AM | Report abuse