The State of the Union Drinking Game
"He shall from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the union," reads the Constitution. And we shall, from time to time, play a drinking game while the speech occurs.
Every year since the presidency of Woodrow Wilson, the nation has gathered for the president to politely update us on our progress. The country has many problems. Alcohol is only one of many possible solutions to these problems, but the more you drink, the more bending the curve seems not only logical but necessary!
So, don't worry, we're here to help, with a guide for this year's festivities!
Take a drink:
- Every time a member of Congress stands up to clap while the lawmaker in the next seat awkwardly remains seated.
- Every time Joe Biden says something under his breath to Speaker John Boehner, who will be seated next to him on the dais. Take bonus sips if you spot Biden remarking on how "clean" and "articulate" the president is, or noting that Barack Obama is a much better speaker than "that stuttering king guy."
- Every time President Obama uses a euphemism for "more spending."
- For every Supreme Court justice you don't see.
- Every time Obama mentions "small businesses."
- Every time something Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-Minn.) says seems not only right but logical! This is also a sign you should stop drinking.
- Every time Nancy Pelosi stares at the speaker's gavel and mutters, "my precious."
- Every time the sea life behind the president gets restless.
- Every time the camera turns to Rep. Joe "You Lie!" Wilson (R-S.C.) because it looks as though the tea kettle is about to whistle.
- Take bets beforehand on which cabinet secretary will be watching from the bunker tonight. If it's you, why are you drinking?
- Every time you're worried Boehner is going to cry -- and then again when he does. (Basically just keep drinking.)
Alexandra Petri and Stephen Stromberg
| January 25, 2011; 5:03 PM ET
Categories: Bad Advice, Barack Obama, Congress | Tags: alcohol, state of the union
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