White House Press Sec. Robert Gibbs is retiring? Hire Ted Williams!
White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs announced today that he is departing for the private sector. It's an understandable move. Probably his job as White House Press Secretary made it difficult for him to pursue his real passion: avoiding lengthy sparring matches with members of the press.
Ted Williams is a homeless man with an amazing, golden radio voice who has, of late, been getting job offers right and left. I'm amazed at his success -- people frequently tell me I have a face for radio, but they usually follow up by shooing me away from the light rather than by offering me any jobs.
He is a two-years-clean recovering addict with radio training, and he speaks powerfully of his love of radio. His job-getting M.O. so far has been to stand outside on the street with a sign proclaiming his "God-Given Voice." Everyone from ESPN to the Cleveland Cavaliers has leaped at the opportunity to sign him.
Forget Michael Vick. Mr. Williams is the symbol of second chances. And after 2010, President Obama needs a second chance. That's why I am suggesting that he replace outgoing Press Secretary Robert Gibbs with Ted Williams.
As the economy continues to pose problems and the Obama administration undergoes staff transitions, he needs someone capable of delivering the goods. Bad news is like a baby -- you just want to deliver it as fast as possible without injuring anyone.
In this new era of forced bipartisanship, maybe we need someone with a voice that will be capable of bringing everyone together by soothing and delighting everyone who hears it. If you have to deliver bad news, you might as well deliver it well, with a golden voice that sounds like your words have been shellacked in butter sauce. You know all those people who insist that they want Morgan Freeman to narrate their lives? The next best thing would be having Mr. Williams conduct all their press conferences. People wouldn't even throw him hardballs. "Read us a bedtime story," the CNN correspondent would ask. "Say something Darth Vader would say," the WSJ reporter would chime in. "Tell us the date and time!" the BBC correspondent would shout.
He'd be able to respond to the allegations that President Obama had not created jobs by simply pointing at himself.
And he seems to grasp the principle of the task. "Radio is defined 'theater of mind,'" Williams says at one point. That's public relations in a nutshell!
The video that made Williams a sensation:
| January 5, 2011; 2:45 PM ET
Categories: Bad Advice, Barack Obama, Petri | Tags: Classic DC, Ted Williams, law of the jungle, media
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