ComPost: February 20, 2011 - February 26, 2011

MADD president charged with DUI -- oh, the irony!

That's what I call DUIrony. A former Mothers Against Drunk Driving chapter president was recently arrested on charges of drunk driving. Oops. For years, I thought MADD's slogan was "Friends don't let friends drive drunks," which always confused me, because...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 25, 2011; 7:25 PM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (19)
Categories:  Petri  | Tags:  MADD, irony, oops  
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I want pockets, and I want them now

Spring is coming. And I am wearing a full-length wool coat. Wearing heavy, full-length coats in warm weather generally sends a message: "I am a Kennedy wife" or "It is a non-negligible possibility that I am about to open fire...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 25, 2011; 6:47 PM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (4)
Categories:  Epic Failures, Petri, Seems Suspect  | Tags:  argh, bags, pockets, women  
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Charlie Sheen is wrong about Thomas Jefferson

(image via AP/New York Historical Society) Dear Charlie Sheen, I disagree with your characterization of Thomas Jefferson. On live radio, after being likened to Thomas Jefferson, you called him a [wimp]. You may not be able to read this right...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 24, 2011; 7:39 PM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (41)
Categories:  Epic Failures, Petri  | Tags:  Thomas Jefferson, slow news day  
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Sarah Palin heads to India?

We may never know who Lou Sarah was or why she only had twelve friends. All trace of this rogue pro-Palin Facebook page has vanished, in spite of all the blissful hours Lou Sarah spent poking me and suggesting I...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 24, 2011; 5:16 PM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (21)
Tags:  Sarah Palin, oops  
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From Gaddafi to Walker, why you should never be polite

There's nothing more dangerous than politeness. Sure, other things are risky - walking backwards to lead a tour in an area you're not familiar with, being Charlie Sheen, being a white powdered substance in Charlie Sheen's home. But I'd rather...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 24, 2011; 12:08 PM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (0)
Categories:  Bad Advice, Epic Failures, Petri, Worst Things Ever  | Tags:  America, kids these days, oops, politeness  
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Cell phones alter brain activity? Of course!

Cell phone use alters brain activity? Of course it does. They say holding a cell phone next to your head increases brain activity by 7 percent. That's probably true. Since getting a cell phone, at least 7 percent of my...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 23, 2011; 6:40 PM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (12)
Categories:  Bad Advice, Petri, That's awkward  | Tags:  cell phones, kids these days, oops, technology  
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Changes for Chicago with Mayor Rahm Emanuel

Rahm Emanuel, a human being with energy levels typically associated with rats on cocaine, has been elected mayor of Chicago. Mayor Daley, in his twenty-two distinguished years of mayordom, ushered in a wide range of delightful changes - a...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 23, 2011; 11:52 AM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (4)
Categories:  Big Deals, Petri, Top Lists  | Tags:  Rahm, elections, lists  
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Justin Bieber's haircut and the dark side of Google Trends

Want a picture of Justin Bieber's haircut? I have one. But, please, before you scroll down to look, take a moment to reconsider your life. If you got to this article from Google, I hope you're ashamed. You are making...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 22, 2011; 5:44 PM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (4)
Categories:  Epic Failures, Only on the Internet, Petri  | Tags:  America, Google, argh, justin bieber  
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Hey, 20-something men, get off the couch!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man, in possession of a good fortune, is probably not in the workforce -- or on the market. In all probability, he is sitting on a couch playing Mario Kart. A...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 22, 2011; 2:58 PM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (4)
Categories:  Epic Failures, Petri, Seems Suspect  | Tags:  kids these days, men, millennials, women  
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Is Presidents' Day too commercialized?

It used to be that this was a special holiday -- a day for celebrating our special bond with our presidents, preferably by surprising them with chocolate, a birth certificate or something thoughtful like an impeachment. "Chocolates come and go,"...

By Alexandra Petri  | February 20, 2011; 6:51 PM ET  |  Permalink  |  Comments (9)
Categories:  Petri, That's awkward  | Tags:  America, Presidents Day, holidays  
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