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Posted at 4:28 PM ET, 02/ 4/2011

Top seven commercials you won't be seeing at Super Bowl 2011

By Alexandra Petri

-Women with great personalities trying to sell you beer by sensibly discussing its merits.

-Black Swan, in its entirety.

-Management at BP reads a long, heartfelt apology letter to a group of displaced pelicans.

-Brett Favre, speaking on behalf of Extenze

-Thirty seconds of an old man doing a crossword puzzle, probably promoting heart health, but it's unclear.

-A car commercial without a twist.

-Slow-paced infomercial gently urging you to buy a copy of "Democracy in America."

-Dyson commercial announcing they have run out of innovative things to do to the vacuum.

-Commercial for a conceptual, Web-based company that will actually still be in business this time next year.

-John Kerry reads you a powerpoint about growth.

By Alexandra Petri  | February 4, 2011; 4:28 PM ET
Categories:  Bad Advice, Petri, Reality? Television  | Tags:  America, Super Bowl  
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Next: Christina Aguilera didn't botch the national anthem. Francis Scott Key did.

Comments

A public service infomercial on how to make a citizen's arrest on any local financial advisor.....

Posted by: deepthroat21 | February 4, 2011 5:40 PM | Report abuse

GM taking 30 seconds to thank every single adult American for helping them out, ... whether or not they wanted to.

Posted by: deepthroat21 | February 4, 2011 5:44 PM | Report abuse

The best Superbowl commercial ever was the one in 1984 where the Apple woman slow-motion bounced her chest into a group of IBM clones and threw a hammer through the screen.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYecfV3ubP8

27 years later it's now Apple, not IBM, that's using their monopoly to take over the world.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/02/01/technology/01apple.htm?scp=1&sq=apple%20app%20control%20amazon&st=cse

We won't see another "1984" commercial, but we definitely WILL see one (or more) with a bouncing, female chest... probably in slow motion. New drinking game: when you see the bouncing chest, bottoms up!

Posted by: divtune | February 4, 2011 10:14 PM | Report abuse

I doubt if we'll see a oil company commercial that exorts the Egyptian people to take their time, no matter how long it takes ..... to get this thing right.

Posted by: deepthroat21 | February 5, 2011 1:12 PM | Report abuse

I doubt if we'll see an oil company commercial that exorts the Egyptian people to take their time, no matter how long it takes ..... to get this thing right.

Posted by: deepthroat21 | February 5, 2011 1:14 PM | Report abuse

- A reminder that immigration is a core American value enshrined on the Statue of Liberty.

Posted by: Nymous | February 6, 2011 1:02 AM | Report abuse

Nor will you see a commercial about how Sarah Palin is trying to 'trademark' her name, like she's now a "product" the American people will want to buy. She'd rather hit you with massive lawsuits (that intend to bring her more of your cash) when you use her name without her permission, or speak about her in ways that do not meet with her approval.

Oh, and by the way, the Blessed Virgin herself, Bristol Palin, is going to do the same as Mommy.

Posted by: momof20yo | February 6, 2011 7:58 AM | Report abuse

No Sharon Angle spot telling us how Romney, Beck and Huntsman's religion is a "cult" like Harry Reid's.

Posted by: areyousaying | February 6, 2011 8:28 AM | Report abuse

No RNC ads telling us they plan to reduce the deficit by cutting Social Security, Medicaid and education programs. However the DNC may put up an ad next year telling us they couldn't stop the republicans from making the cuts although they controlled the senate and white house.

Posted by: Sanchos_ | February 6, 2011 9:46 AM | Report abuse

An ad from GM and Chrysler thanking Americans for keeping them in business, saving American jobs, and not going along with republican plans to shut them down. Oh, and here's the loans back, with interest.

Posted by: mikel7 | February 6, 2011 12:33 PM | Report abuse

"GM taking 30 seconds to thank every single adult American for helping them out, ... whether or not they wanted to."

Like this one that ran, I believe, during the World Series perhaps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3S94yoCgHQ

Posted by: MDArt | February 6, 2011 5:39 PM | Report abuse

Divtune wrote: "We won't see another "1984" commercial..."

Actually we did, from Motorola comparing Apple to 1984 Big Brother. Unfortunately the commercial was so poorly done it dissuaded my co-worker from buying the Xoom.

Posted by: shadow27 | February 6, 2011 7:57 PM | Report abuse

Goldman Sachs, asking us to get to know them better.

Posted by: jimk8mr | February 6, 2011 7:57 PM | Report abuse

Wall Street bankers explaining exactly what it is they do for their million dollar bonuses.

Posted by: Benson | February 7, 2011 3:49 PM | Report abuse

Goldman Sachs saying how if starving thousands(food future trading), and wrecking the world's economy will make them one dime more than behaving responsibly how could America ever expect them to take the second choice, they have a responsibility to their bonuses. Besides, do you know nothing about our corporate history, you are lucky we did not sell your organs on the black market using text hidden in a software agreement.

Posted by: Muddy_Buddy_2000 | February 7, 2011 4:19 PM | Report abuse

Before you trash the lyrics or the Anacreontic song I suggest you study the Battle of Baltimore from which it arose. The national army had been scattered and the federal city (hint: you work there) burned by General Ross's troops. The British were feeling their oats and figured they would handle this mere militia. The land invasion went quickly south and it was up to the Navy which parked just outside the range of Ft McHenry's guns and began shelling. Note: if you are outside the range of the fort's guns the fort is outside the range of your Congreve rockets but they make a nice light show--red glare and the occasional burst if the did not hit the water first. Just before dawn the flag went down and Adm Cochrane expected a white one to come up. Up came a home made banner, fifteen white stars on a blue field and fifteen alternating red and white stripes. Drop in at the Smithsonian and take a look.

Posted by: JarlWolf | February 7, 2011 7:28 PM | Report abuse

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